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Date Posted: 17:06:28 05/02/10 Sun
Author: Fred Villanegro
Subject: Does anyone actually get anything out of those silly Ted Casablanca Blind Items?

Like who the heck are:

- Nevis Devine
- Parrish Maguire
- Seymour Plow-Me
- Crescent Kumquat, and, of course,
- Toothy Tile

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[> Everyone in Hollywood knows Toothy Tile is Jake G. -- Euripides Abs, 05:29:44 05/15/10 Sat

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[> Ted just wrote another one about Crescent Kumquat a couple of days ago ... (inside) -- Hedda Hopper, 22:38:41 05/16/10 Sun

''Oh, Crescent Kumquat, what a tangled romantic life you lead: First you start kissing boys, then you graduate to secretly hooking up with them online, and now you've decided you gotta sleep with a big-mouthed (female) publicist, just to make sure word gets around that you're into girls. Hmm. What a sneaky boy you are. Yeah, but that craftiness between the sheets sure does come with a big ol' problem, doesn't? Yeah, like a nasty STD you picked up from the blabbering PR rep! Yes, yes, yes, of course, the chick you boned talked about the fact that you slept with her, just like you wanted. But, she also gave you another little bonus present: herpes. And guess how the babe you scored with found out she got the unfortunate disease in the first place? Another bisexual star (who's famous for hanging with a gay-loving chick, just for the publicity, as well) also slept with this same repóand she bitched him out when she found out. And now Crescent's super peeved she passed it onto him without so much as a, "you might want to throw a rubber on that not exactly long but nicely wide equipment of yours." Jeez, what a friggin' six-degrees of penicillin this baby is. Pretty high price to pay just to get talked about in the rags as a red-blooded, honey-bedding stud, huh? I'll say. Oh, and for the record, Crescent, since I hear you're back online hunting for boys again, tell me something: do you also advertise that you're one-night encounters come fully equipped with the gift that keeps on giving? Just curious. Aint it Ain't: Ryan Kwanten, Kiefer Sutherland, John Mayer.''

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[> Who are Judas Jack-Off and Dash Dingle-Dream from October 15? (inside) -- Gaymon Porter, 00:35:07 10/20/10 Wed

Well, screw us with no lube, Judas Jack-Off sure has gotten more ballsy, lately! And we mean that in many dirty ways, trust. Now, last time we checked in on poor ol' closeted Judas, he was pathetically trying to cultivate a domestic-front for the media, engaging in various exciting pastimes with his ersatz honey. Didn't work. In fact, Judas and his woman's shared-outing thing so colossally misfired (and Judas never got the desired press he really wanted from it), Judas has now taken to the exceptionally seedy activity of.... Cheating on his fake (female) significant other! And not with the poor, put-upon, on/off boyfriend, Dash Dingle-Dream he usually cheats with, but, with...other women! Frequent visitors to the place Judas and Dash most often occupy complain of seeing Judas "always" hauling in some random chick to his bedroom. "Looks pretty obvious to me what's going on," snipped a babe who's been over to the boys' hang-pad recently. "I mean, come on." This is just beyond gross. It's bad enough Judas has tortured Dash enough with the People-mag arranged chick in his life, but, now he's got to tag on one-night standsójust in case the press finds out the real deal, that he prefers guys? Sorry, but, this one's getting beyond anything even Shafterella Shoshstein would ever dream up for the rags! And that's saying something. Get help, Jude. And fast. You are not well. It Ain't: Tom Sturridge, Taylor Lautner, Vince Vaughn.
MORE: If there's one Vice you all just can't get enough of it's Judas Jack-Off. We hear you loud and clear, so this week we're giving JJO his very own archive page packed with all the debauched deets on this very D.L. dude. Here is his rarely sweet, always skanky tale.

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