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Date Posted:17:41:59 09/01/09 Tue Author: EL PABLITO Subject: INFORME DE GLOBALBEAUTIES... LOURDES MERECIA TOP 15...
Miss Venezuela WON????? Well, shut my mouth and call me Myrtle! How did that happen? It’s been a week and now that everyone has gotten their say in, let me say mine. The conspiracy theories abound….and many of those are almost comical if they didn’t feel so…..real! Was I the only one who didn’t see the card in Billy Bush’s hand replaced?
Amusing as all this bickering and complaining by everyone but the Venezuelans is … it was personally astounding how a woman who was less attractive than Jictzad and Ana Karina made it into the Top 15. I also don’t believe Venezuela has any business being in the Top 10, her SS was not great. Her body is, just, well, nothing special. I especially could not believe she made it into the Top 5 wearing the furry Tomato Ketchup bottle dress AGAIN over the likes of France, Czech Republic and even South Africa in that wrinkled mess. However, once in the Top 5, regarding the questions, at first I thought to myself “she nailed it.” My theory has always been “It is HOW one answers the question, NEVER the content, particularly with the Venezuelans (Dayana, Alicia).” But then I go back to 2007 when Riyo did not deliver well nor had the best answer (Ly Joinaitis had the best answer and Natalie Guimares delivered the best), and 2006 with Kurana delivering much better than Zuly, but Zuly having a slighly better answer, and I thought to myself that that idea was just plain old bullshit. She said women are equal to men? Where? Iceland, maybe. Finland, Sweden, perhaps. But not the United States. Certainly not Venezuala. Just in her bubble brain. What a dumb ass answer. Ok, it’s a fix.
Don’t get me wrong…I wish Stefania much luck (the Oxana kinda luck, but luck nonetheless LOL), along with the Miss Universe Organization (cough, cough, hack). But I am thinking that Global Beauties may pass on the Miss USA and Miss Universe next year by not sending anyone to the pageant. We get treated like crap whenever we go. Esther Swan, since 2005 always gives whichever of us shows up the fish eyed insane look like we just killed her puppy, and there is NO access to the contestants since 2006. Why waste our money on VIP tickets and staying at “their select hotels”. I still recall the living hell that was the Wilshire “Not So” Grand Hotel in Los Angeles in 2006. 6 heat wave days of over 102 and the air conditioning was not working properly. The hotel was a tad frayed and so was the treatment by the MUO staff. The last time they treated us well was 2004. Since they don’t seem to need us, why spend money to basically promote them and help support their sponsors. To HELL with that … to hell with Miss Universe. The concept, the organization, the pageant, and especially that totally embarassing website. It is SHAMeful they could not afford someone to monitor it and they allowed such racist, nationalistic hatred to flourish there. SHAMe on them! So HELL it is… Let it rest there, in the Fifth (Avarice) and Sixth Circles of Hell (Heresy) in the City of “DIS”! Cuz we (the fans) have been DISsed!
Despite better ratings for the last hour of the show this year (from last years dismal showing) I believe they are still dying, nay they are dead and, after this year’s fiasco, deservedly so. Its sickness started showing symptoms during the end of the reign of Alicia Machado, went into remission from 1998 to 2001 and the patient was declared DOA in 2003, but the obituary was premature as the patient bounced back to a semblance of health by the end of ‘03 right through July 2006 when it suddenly took a turn for the worse. Hospice Care has been given ever since and despite a last gasp at breath, the patient died, August 23rd 2009. R.I.P..
All pageants, in general are dying, despite new ones popping up all over and the fact that Miss World and Miss Earth are slightly gaining in worldwide popularity due to their movement into new markets. Personally, this year and next, I am throwing my time, energy, and most importantly my money towards other endeavors, like Miss Earth and Miss World, and keeping my eye on Miss TQI which has one of the best production values of all of the Grand Slams. This is not because Venezuela is the new Miss Universe. That is a embarassment for the MUO to live with. Because, um, like, women are equal to men, like in the, Iraq and um, like all over the South Africa and umm, Mi amor Hugo Chavez in the country where they live, umm, like the Iraq and stuff, equality! DOH!
Mainly, I resign it to hell because the Top 15 was a SHAM. A sad patethic SHAM! A SHAMeful SHAM! The token black girl was Miss France and she is Chelsi Smith/Rachel Smith bi-racial. South Africa is primarily of Indian origin with a bit o’ white mixed in. Honestly, 11 of the 84 girls were East Asian and 2 more were half -East Asian (18%). None made it! This was the highest level of talent from East Asia in a very long time. Please don’t mention 2007, Japan and Korea were great. The rest of the East Asians basically were for nada. Ditto for 2008. Japan was one of the worst to ever make semifinals (I thought she was a boy!) and it has been said that Vietnam’s placement was written into the contract.
Miss USA stole my evening gown!
Instead of continuing to bitch and moan (although I can, believe me), I decided to just list the “Other 15,” that is, the 15 girls who could easily have replaced many (at least 1/2) of the women who did make it and many of them probably should have. Was it internal franchise politics aka sash, was it really preparation, because I sure didn’t see it, was it a way to get Osmel to keep his word and get him to finally retire? Who knows.
Oh, by the way, how did Miss USA ever get one of my dressing gowns for her Top 10 Evening Gown presentation??? I wore that little ditty on the third season of Bewitched and I consider it an heirloom. Remember Kirsten, A witch’s revenge is a bitch of a curse! Surrender Carrie! Anyway, hang on tight, away we go:
1. Miss Netherlands – Avalon Chanel-Weyzig was a stunner. She was a diamond in the rough that needed no polishing. A woman who is so comfortable with her beauty that it actually came through in all her candid photos. Nary a bad photo was taken of this exotic Eurasian lovely. Due to a shoe “malfunction” (as in Venezuela’s luggage “malfunction”), she was forced to change gowns for her preliminary. I loved the new gown but perhaps the impact of the full silver Mumu with dolman sleeves would have been better. Or perhaps she did make an impact on the prelim judges and we will never know. The lack of voting transparency is what is killing this pageant and causing it the loss of fans. I call on the MUO, as a last ditch effort to stay alive and keep the few fans it has to release the Prelim Scores and the individual Final Judges Scores.
2. Miss Mexico - Karla Carrillo had the exotic looks, mysterious bright glowing eyes, the perfect golden complexion and a perfect body with ever so slightly shaped voluptuous curves. I know that after the 14th girl was called, many of the other latin girls were expecting Mexico to be called into the last spot (and others were expecting Philippines). Mouths dropped when Venezuela was called. After the year Mexico has had, let’s hope that Perla can perform a miracle at Miss World.
3. Miss Philippines - Pamela Bianca Manalo was a hit or miss before her arrival in Nassau. We kept hearing of this “transformation” expecting something out of Frankenstein’s Bride. When this incredible pearl of radiant delight stepped off the plane one balmy Bahamian night, it was obvious that the unusual but interesting caterpillar had actually become the magnificent butterfly. She was in our eyes, the best that Asia had to offer, a Filipina her people could be proud of. On Sunday night, once again, the curse stuck. She joins such luminaries as Lian Ramos, Gionna Cabrera, Karen Agustin and Zorayda Ruth Andam.
4. Miss Spain - when Estibaliz Perriera won Miss Espana, I must admit I was a little disappointed as I was rooting for her eventual first runner up. But the Estibaliz that arrived in Nassau was a difierent woman altogether. Confident and proud during the Preliminary Competition, she walk with the same style and grace typical of most Miss Espanas. This Iberian Princess was a delight to behold and most definatelty should have walked among the Top 15.
5. Miss Honduras - Belgica Suarez was, sin duda, the most delightful, sensuous and best suited candidate to come out of Honduras in memory. With her caramel colored skin, come hither looks, and a body to die for, leaving this Central American bombshell out of the semifinals is a crime of the catwalk. Petite but perfect is not good for the semifinals? In fact, she was NOT petite, just had a small frame. 5′8″ is not petite! Once again, C.A. gets the shaft! When will beauty pagents (particularly this one) realize that there are different standards and concepts of beauty for different women from different regions of the world, such as….
6. Miss China - Jingyao Wang was a gem of the east who we knew would easily pick up the Congeniality Award, funny and charming; this stunning and tall model type would have also made an elegant and competitive semifinalist. Intelligent and witty, this is no “Look Meeeee!” girl, but rather a contestant who should have been given a chance to shine on stage. Another Asian contestant wasted.
7. Miss Ethiopia – Melat Yante proved that Africa was rich with beauty this year; not the poor year everyone was complaining about. Black is beautiful and all of its shades were offered to us, from the honey gold hues of Ethiopia’s stunning representativ, across to the west, north and south of this giant continent. Melat was the best chance for Africa (aside from Tatum Keshwar of South Africa, who was mainly of Indian descent) to move foward into the coveted group of 15. Alas, that was preveted, another “almost” total blackout, with the exception of Miss France, who is bi-racial.
8. Miss Colombia - Michelle Rouillard was a love her or leave her gal. After her performance at the Preliminary Show, I LOVED HER! He sexy strut, playful winking and all around good humor with the judges made me think this girl was a shoe-in. Alas, either the judges or the MUO thought different. Her gown was ok, but the way she carried it, and herself, as 5 Star, She coulda been a contender…..what a loss.
9. Miss Guatemala - Lourdes Figueroa is an eye-catching, resplendant figure of womanly delight. All of the Central Americans were ignored and there is no reason for that, particurly for some very weak Europeans (names withheld - cough oatia cough cough bania cough! Oh, I must take something for that cough … maybe a VALIUM!) Lourdes rocked the Prelims, many people thinking she equaled or surpassed Belgica from Honduras, her main rival. Alas, both were locked out. Such total horse manure. So sad!
10. Miss Indonesia - Zivanna Siregar is one of those heavenly women with a pre-possesing smile who really knew the old Tyra Banks secret about smiling with her eyes. She gave a wonderful Swimsuit presentation (two piece, unusual for this mainly Muslim, albeit liberal nation) and a hesitant but competent Evening Gown Prelim. Although choice of gown is not supposed to matter (see Venezuela above; ibid. Belgium, Switzerland), this was probably her main problem. You could see on her face she did not like her EG. Despite this, she should have been one of the (minimum) three Asians in this years Top 15.
11. Miss Curacao - Angenie Simon. Speaking of incredible transformations on a very short timetable, I was intrigues with Angenie’s possibilites when it was announced that she would be the delegate from Curacao to the Miss Universe pageant. Undoubtedly beautiful, she unfortunately has a bit of a dragalicious vibe going on pre-arrival. Not masculine, just overly made-up. However, upon arrival in the Bahamas, all the disappeared and this creamy bronze skin appeared, her eyebrows were in their proper place and her make-up was toned down to the proper natural quality for this pageant. In other words, an exquisite force of nature appeared ready to compete with the rest. Top notch performances in Prelim SS and EG also helped her cause.
12. Miss Russia - Sofia Rudyeva. A controversial figure, no doubt. But a stunning face and, according to reports, extremely friendly with other contestants. It is my belief that she might have been kept out of the Top 15 due to her rather conservative, but well executed, Prelim EG performance and an unusually shy SS performance. That aside, this alluring siren really did have all the goods. She either miscalculated the execution of her performance or the damage of her noteriety.
13. Miss Hungary - Zsuzsa Budai would most likely have made it much further and even replaced Switzerland, had she not worn that horrible evening gown which reminded me of that Carole Burnett Show episode when they parodied Gone with The Wind and she made her gown out of curtains. Definately in contention for the Polonia Bas Award, I am sure the gown did her in, but surely she carried it with the confidence of a true goddess. Her exotic features, beautiful hair and “to die for” body should have made her a shoe-in for the Top 15. Her absence in inexplicable.
14. Miss Brazil - Larissa Costa has an incredible, almost flawless body and a striking runway presentation. She has amazing gray/green eyes and a penetrating gaze. Her only flaw was a strong, somewhat square jawline that could at times make her look a bit masculine, but this contestant was all woman! At first I found the hype of Larissa annoying, but eventually became a huge supporter of her classical South American beauty, her engaging gaze, her perfect figure, and above all her smart decisions and entertaining interview.
15. Miss Vietnam - Hoang Yen Vo suffered from the enthusiastic overhyping of her countrymen. She was so burnt out by Preliminaries, her performance was “almost” a caractature of a bad drag show. I sat almost, because she did pull it off in Swimsuit and her EG, although overly dramatic, was animated, ala Michelle Rouillard, Miss Colombia, strutting and original, posing and making extreme facial expressions that never crossed the line to comical but rather showed off her exotic features to their best. An admirable attempt for Vo.
Honorable Mentions go to 16. Miss Ireland (the best since Andrea Roche, a total stunner, next stop the runways of Milan, Paris, New York), 17. Miss Peru (such a stunning face, probably lost her place because of the public argument with Bolivia!), 18. Miss Ghana (statuesque with a strikingly beautiful face) , 19. Miss Angola (class, style, elegance), 20. Miss Cayman Islands (if Jennifer Hudson was a size 6, captivating), 21. Miss Italy (abbondanza in an evening gown, mama mia!), 22. Miss Nicaragua (hot, hot, hot!), 23. Miss Great Britain (a bonny spitfire, always mugging for the camera), 24. Miss India (lady in red, captivating Prelim EG, Lara Duta I miss you), and 25. Miss Guam (button cute and should have won Miss Photogenic over Natalie Glebovas husband!). If I was forced to pick a 26th it would have to be a three way tie between Miss Zambia, Miss Slovak Republic and Miss Jamaica!
Reporting from the Second (lust) and Third (gluttony) Circles of Hell, this is Pasquale “Patrick” Tripoldi, saying Ciao for now … until Miss Earth!