| Subject: I'm at a loss! |
Author:
Femimichelle
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Date Posted: 00:42:23 10/06/14 Mon
I'm completely at a loss and feeling hopeless and desperate about needing to relate as a submissive and feminized male to a woman. Here's my story, briefly - I'm a lifelong crossdresser, I was caught by my mother at age 6 trying on all of her underthings... but she never encouraged me. I tried to repress it in my younger years, got married and thought the feelings would go away or be able to be controlled. About 15 years ago my wife found out about my crossdressing interests and she completely freaked out. It shattered her image of me, and it ultimately ended our marriage after 15 years of rejection, pain, depression, counseling, "compromise", pandering and finally her inability to accept that I NEED to express a feminine side of myself. More recently I've come to the realization of how deeply attracted to female dominance, gender role reversal, male feminization by women, and FLR relationships I have become, and how my submissive nature also needs to be shared in a deeply honest and intimate relationship with a woman.
I recently had a relationship with a woman who i told about my crossdressing. She embraced it, encouraged it, bought me a few things to wear, told me sternly that if she had to keep her legs smooth for me to enjoy, then I was expected to shave mine everyday for her as well... the most stirring thing a woman has ever said to me! The relationship didn't last, but it did confirm that I cannot be happy in a "vanilla" relationship. I know that I need to be in a submissive relationship to an assertive and influential woman if I am ever to find fulfilment. I yearn to please, to be transformed body, mind, and spirit into her male "wife" for a better term.
Now that this realization has taken hold (not overnight, but over the past year or so) - I cannot stop feeling and thinking in a girlish mode. For the past several months, even over the summer - I have kept my legs smoothly shaved, and wear panties or pantyhose under my clothes to remind myself of who I am, and who I want to be. It is my way of being true to myself, not repressing or giving up on that side of myself ever again. There just is no going back to being masculine for me.
But where can I hope to meet a woman who would embrace these qualities? Dating sites are so vanilla... I searched on a half dozen of them for women who seek a FLR lifestyle, or who even hint at seeking a male in touch with his feminine side - but there are none. And the adult sites like AFF or ALT have women who seem over the top with extreme sexual fetishes. I am sincere, and seek an otherwise "normal" LTR with a woman. I can appear very masculine externally, but crave the tacit understanding between a woman and myself that we each know our respective place in the relationship. I'm in my early to mid 60s already, and fear that I'll never find a relationship that has always probably been my undiscovered destiny. I realize that dominant women are rare. Any advice on where or how I might present myself to a woman with complimentary interests would be greatly appreciated.
.... michelle
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