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Date Posted: Friday, September 02, 06:10:04pm
Author: MAR Mom
Subject: What a great message. Puts it all in perspective and then some. Thank you ECR poster!
In reply to: see inside 's message, "Some words of wisdom, from the Eastern Canadian Board" on Wednesday, August 31, 05:59:45am

>A Feising We Should Know…
>For many years my husband and dd have been schlepping
>to feises, some close by, others with a heck of drive.
>In every case we are excited, hopeful and happy to see
>friends who share this common joyful occasion. The
>night before, after my prima donna has folded her
>million dollar legs into bed and my husband is snoring
>from afar, I pull out the dress to air it, I pull old
>tape off the shoes and give them a bit of a polish,
>check for weak laces, make sure all the technical
>stuff like tape, roisin, sock glue, sissors and such
>are in their proper spots in the “feis bag”. The Wig
>gets a shake and all the hair dressing items are
>reviewed and set out on the dining room table for an
>easy morning start. Sometimes I have a little private
>boo hoo over the size of the socks I am now setting
>out. How did she grow so fast? Always I say a little
>prayer of gratitude for the health and happiness of my
>daughter who has brought me untold pleasure in her
>many accomplishments.
>And in the dawn of Saturday morning, no matter how
>late I am to bed myself, I find the eyes pop open
>wide. An urgency begins to boil in the belly. Even
>when the stage schedule has the competitions set mid
>way in the day you just never know if there will be
>traffic, if there will be a stage change, if there
>will be less dancers than expected. The getting to a
>feis is part of the journey to the stage, to the
>music, to the lifts, to the impossible heel clicks and
>the beauty of the dresses flashing, sparkling to and
>fro. All of it comes together in a soaring moment when
>my child points her toe, when she is “on”. All the
>usual cacophony of chatter, competing accordions and
>violins subside as if a remote has cut off all
>interference from the outside world. I don’t know if
>one step is right or wrong. I don’t care if two steps
>are right or wrong. My breath is held as I simply
>experience the power, courage and skill it takes to do
>what my child is doing at that exact moment while I am
>standing still, riveted by her explosive energy. Down
>to my toes I am entranced and would sign any cheque
>put in front of me. As it is for all of us. We would
>sign any cheque it takes. We find a way to give our
>child the very best we can. For some that’s the moon.
>For most, it’s way more than a child in a third world
>country could begin to imagine. For some, it’s basic
>stuff but it gets the job done. No matter what the
>budget, the fact of a parent standing by, validating
>their child’s effort is the largest cheque of all.
>Even the most indulged child has no true concept of a
>dollar value. But if they were ignored by their
>parents they would feel that more than any child
>wearing a second hand dress, or a wig that’s seen
>better days.
>But I digress. The point of this offering is: the
>common desire to do this with our children is as
>elemental as their drive to dance in the first place.
>So, we go to feis and a feis gives to us what we make
>of it. If we expect the feis to be waiting with open
>arms to satisfy our every possible physical comfort,
>then we tell our children that nothing in life should
>require patience and we don’t need to respect the
>efforts of others, even if those efforts fall short of
>perfection. I have read year after year the criticisms
>and unkind remarks on this board in the wake of a
>feis. Perhaps not all comments are meant to be
>hurtful, as it has been pointed out over and over that
>tone can never be assumed. Nevertheless there is a
>sense that flaws at a feis are somehow unforgiveable
>and require a public announcement of permanent
>rejection. I think everyone can find a flaw in the
>ointment of every single feis. I could rave about the
>sound at probably 80% of them. I certainly wonder at
>the rudeness of some adults as they rush to the beat
>of their own drum no matter who is in the shared or
>limited space. I wish that computers would never break
>down and judges would figure out their conflicts
>sooner or that musicians would never need to use the
>bathroom, especially when “my dd’s” competition is up
>next. But usually all the slings and arrows of
>outrageous venues drift into irrelevance when my dd
>wins a trophy. So perhaps those who complain the
>loudest after a feis were more disappointed in their
>child’s result that day than in the overall feis
>experience. Let’s face it folks, feissiana are more
>alike than they are different. And the underlying
>effort to make it all happen in the first place comes
>from parents just like us. There is no disengaged
>institution called upon to orchestrate these events.
>Schools host and parents are the school. Some parents
>are more organized this is true. But every single one
>of them has put aside countless hours they will never
>get back for the benefit of others.
>I don’t want to give anyone a lecture for as to my
>chagrin I remember a few years back being wildly upset
>about something I felt should have been handled better
>at a competition. But as time has shaved off the first
>blush of my passion, I have come to realize that the
>whole experience is greater than the sum of its parts,
>or its flaws. There is sense that time is fleeting
>now. That each and every time I get to suffer sore
>feet and hot rooms and barely there air of an old
>school gym, that I am one less feis away from none of
>it at all. And so I put both hands to the day, hug my
>friends, help where I can, pick up a bottle that
>missed the garbage can, smile at the little faces of
>girls who look up to my daughter who was once their
>size, turn to a stage manager and thank them for
>pointing me in the right direction, appreciate the
>delicious cookies that took somebody and hour to bake
>the night before, hope for a happy result for my
>daughter, hold her close even if it doesn’t happen
>that day, and then…step out into fresh air as the sun
>winds its way down. My feet and back ache as I finally
>collapse into the car, but then we pull out the
>results and analyze and review and compare and say all
>the snippy outrageous things that need saying in the
>privacy of a car about insane judging…and then I look
>back over my shoulder at the venue now receding behind
>us. Plainly said, the day was a gift. The effort was
>theirs, those who toiled for hours to give my daughter
>her moment to perform, her among hundreds of others.
>And I think…I’ll be back by the Grace of God.

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Replies:

  • This was awsome! You have put into words exactly how I feel! I know my dd teen does not always realize what we do for them all these years, but I wish her the joy of a dd just like her when she becomes a mom. See you at a Feis, Good Luck & God Bless. (NT) -- NYMom, Monday, September 05, 02:21:48pm
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