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Date Posted: Fri, Jun 07 2013
Author: Juzel Ann Macanas - SAS Ai Scholar
Subject: Life's Lessons - Taking a Risk

Taking A Risk

An essay by Juzel Ann Macanas (photo at right), SAS Ai Scholar



Much has been said, written and discussed about the Libtong Got Talent (LGT) event staged during the recent Libtong Fiesta. Why, there's even a slide show about it posted here in the Tagudin Seaside website. Listen, I ought to know. I was in the thick of it.

Some background. I consider myself a private person, shy, and not outgoing at all. Crowds seem to create an instant feeling of discomfort within me. I am what they call an introvert as opposed to an extrovert. So when my mother began to drop hints about a talent show, my ears were not tuned in. Notwithstanding my obvious lack of interest, my mother kept adding to the information.

"Great prizes! Cash... money!" she exclaimed. "This talent show puts Libtong on the map," she continued, her enthusiasm never waning.

My reaction was typical, young teen, indifferent to the world, "What's that got to do with me?" I quietly thought to myself.

You have to love my mother. She never gives up. When she has an idea, she doggedly pursues it to its completion. I know she is pushing this talent show idea. "We sure could use the money to help with the family expenses - should somebody talented win the prize... from this family!" And she went about doing her chores as if nothing was going on.

Outside, the oncoming Libtong Fiesta tsunami built up steam. I could hear loud music, the strained voices of vendors selling their wares, boisterous fair ride operators selling tickets, "Hurry, hurry, this Ferris Wheel is about to take off... Five pesos a ride... Come on Manang, Mader, Pader, come all... hurry... hurry... hurry..." The megaphoned voice trailed away like some passing train.

In my reverie and daydreaming I always see my family trying so hard to make it. My mother slaves day-in, day-out, keeping the family intact, its heart beating in good rhythm. My father is out there in the middle of the fields working under the hot and scorching sun often with only a jug of water to cool himself and maybe some rice and salted fish for his ba-on. I feel perturbed and somewhat uneasy; is there anything at all that I can do? I want to do more to help out and if I can win a prize... the prize money... big cash... that's it... that is what I can do... My daydreaming was interrupted by some friends screaming and yelling outside, "Let's go to the Fiesta... come on Juzel..." I wasn't moved and I waved them off - go ahead I'll see you guys later.

Knowing my personal abilities, I may be able to belt out an Adelle song, or do a slow dance routine ala I Dream of Jeannie, or something to get into the talent show and win a prize. What? Are you kidding? Aren't you afraid of your own shadow? I asked myself these questions. I have stage fright and to freeze onstage in front of the world - that would be embarrassing. My family would become the laughing stock of all Libtong. Clearly a huge, gigantic, and seemingly insurmountable risk stared me in the face. But I hear my mother's voice, "We sure could use the money to help with family expenses... we sure could use the money... the big prize money... "

There is a saying, "If the pain of the present becomes harder to bear than one's fear of the unknown future, one will do something about it." I want so much to help my parents with the family expenses by earning money. It's tearing my insides up to see my parents work so hard and I am helpless to give them a hand. Jumping into a talent show without prior experience is not only a huge risk and gamble, but a deadly dive into the flames should the attempt result in failure. But what would I lose? Really. My pride maybe? My ego bruised maybe? I may become a social outcast, like a pariah or a social leper. O my God. Such horrible thoughts. I need more prayer and more faith.

The next morning I woke up with a brand new resolve. I will take that risk because I want to grow. If I were to fail then let me learn from my failure. But I am going to win - that is what I tell myself. I want to experience what it's like to be up there onstage sharing my talent for the enjoyment of all. I want to help my mother because I love her dearly and her wishes are also dear to me. My mother has faith in me. I should too. Ultimately the prize will be getting through the audition and being part of the Libtong Got Talent show.

God walked with me all the way. Through the auditions, the seamstress at the outfitting shop, the make up artist parlor, the dry stage run, and the final rehearsals, God took me by the hand and guided me. The night of the show I felt special on that stage. My parents, siblings, friends, relatives - they were all there in the audience showing their great pride for me. I never got so much applause before. I didn't win the big prize - the judges gave it to a very professional performer. Good decision. I won a prize too for my efforts. But I had the most fun in my life. And the huge scary risk factor? It slithered away like a huge snake, beaten, and trashed. I shall never fear the stage again as long as I live. I will face my challenges square in the face, and I will take risks after much thought, reflection and prayer for God is on my side.

I have grown.

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