Author:
susan christmas (trying not to feel frustrated)
[Edit]
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Date Posted: 09:29:57 05/27/08 Tue
(cpe-024-167-162-046.triad.res.rr.com/24.167.162.46)
Hello all,
I could use some support, suggestions and prayers. Here is my story...sad as it may seem....
2007 was a really bad year for me...my ex ran up all the credit cards..laid out of work and eventually left with his girlfriend. He also left me all the bills. I had never drank ETOH and have never done any other type drugs. I was drinking about 2-3 times a week and 3 times I drank too much. No arrest, DUI or anything..but had 2 periods of black outs at home. I was in despair....started on Lexapro. Less than a week after beginning the medication I had a weird, panic attack....psychosis...ran out of the hospital...felt suicidal...scared..cant describe it. I was afraid to go home and be alone..that's all I remember about the feeling. I went to a pub/restaurant. I sat there afraid to go home and talked to people. I did drink 6-8 beers in the 8 hour period. The bartender saw me in my scrubs and reported me to the hospital. I went home, didn't take anymore Lexapro and felt better in about 24 hours. Never got drunk after that. That was in November. I was not assigned to patients that day (not saying my actions were justified) I was called in to the office and terminated for job abandonment. The BON said I could lose my license or declare I was an alcoholic and maybe go back to work eventually. I said ok...since I knew I had been drinking too much since I started about 11 months before. I went though all the hoops....intensive outpatient, daily potential drug screens...once a week sessions after the first 5 weeks, AA 3-8 times a week, sponsor, daily communication with my sponsor, weekly en face with her, monthly reports, etc. After 3 months and 3 weeks they said I could work.................well.......NO ONE will hire me. I have been trying for over a month. I am working as a waitress now...just enough to cover the weekly outpatient and urine DS at $65 a clip. No food, losing my house, etc, Late on Child support.....yes he bummed off me for years and I have to pay him....I paid his bills when he left and....well forget all that...on with the situation.
Does ANYONE and any ideas????
I even am declined at telemarketing jobs....I don't do or ever have done any other "drugs" All UDS neg...
The BON restraints keep everybody from even talking to me. Ive been staying in the day, praying, trying to remain calm and looking...life goes on and one has to eat and have shelter....Ive reached Maslow's Hierarchy level here!!
Susan
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follow up on previous posting
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PHMP IN PA