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|Subject: Purpose of nude, humiliating spankings|
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Date Posted: 15:53:18 06/01/15 Mon
To Tara, Margaret and all the other regular posters,
The discussion about Chris, Taraís new stepson, has focused on who should punish him and how. Iíd instead like to focus on why ó I think the discussion will generalize to many other situations.
For several reasons, Iím leery of fully nude spankings for teen boys in front of girls in order to humiliate them. Iím not totally opposed to them, but I think the circumstances when they are used would best be limited.
Iíd like to draw a distinction between ordinary misbehavior and misbehavior that is specifically disrespectful of women and girls, sexual acting out, and based upon male privilege. By ordinary misbehavior I mean things like neglecting chores, failure to complete homework, staying out past curfew and the silly and thoughtless stunts that come so easily to teen boys. Such misbehavior is best dealt with, in my opinion, by natural and logical consequences. For example, if Chris (or any boy, or a girl for that matter) had an ongoing issue with homework completion, permission to participate in sports or to hang out with the gang or watch TV could be withheld until the homeworkís complete. Similarly, if a boy and his sisters or stepsisters or friends played a game and he won, but teased the losers, Iíd not call that disrespect of the women and girls. Thatís because the teasing was based on the game, not on their gender or sexuality.
But if, for example, Chris teased Barbara because she was stood up for a date and he said it was because she was ugly or bossy, that would clearly be disrespect for Barbara as a young woman and as a sexual being. For offenses of this nature, the kind of humiliating and painful punishments discussed in this forum may be the most appropriate and effective.
But I feel, strongly, that these punishments need to be put in a careful context for the boy who receives them. It should be explicitly stated he is punished for lack of respect for women and girls, and to disabuse the boy of the idea that because he has a penis he has some sort of superiority. If the humiliation is put in such a context, the boy is more likely to learn the correct lesson. In this regard, Iíd like to call your attention to the post from Dave (http://www.voy.com/242785/913.html). His punishments had the unexpected consequence that he became an exhibitionist, got in trouble with the law, not to mention his wife. To his credit, he has overcome this. But humiliating a boy because of his sexuality cannot but have the possibility of severe consequences in the future. You are exposing and punishing and humiliating him in the formative years of his sexuality.
Iíd like to suggest something to add to these spanking rituals ó a well-formed apology. As I learned in a menís group, a well-formed apology has several parts and must meet several criteria. The parts consists of (1) a statement of what the offender has done wrong, (2) speculation about how that made the victim feel, (3) an actual apology based upon the content of the first two items, and (4) a reasonable, achievable plan for how to avoid similar behavior in the future. Criteria for a well-formed apology include the offender talks about his behavior and not that of anyone else, he talks about the feelings of the victim as he understands them (which may be very rudimentary), and no phrase beginning with ďbutĒ or at all mitigating the offenderís actions. Perhaps in some circumstances there are issues about the other personís behavior. However, the other personís behavior is off-limits as a topic during my apology for my behavior.
The purpose of this apology, as part of the punishment and humiliation ritual, is to drive home the specific lesson to be learned about the specific behavior that got the boy in troubl. It requires him to identify with the woman or girl whom he hurt or violated in some way.
I think that allowing the offended girls to participate in the physical chastisement to a limited degree will be a powerful deterrent to the boy and will empower the girls. For I feel that these rituals should empower the girls. They live in a world filled with male privilege and need to assert themselves. The standard they set for the men whom they accept into their lives, especially their lovers, should be very high. If they take psychological and physical control of the lads in their lives early and guide them to have respect for women and girls, everyone, including the boys, gains.
I invite comments about these remarks, particularly from women like Tara, Margaret, Nora and Nola, who supervise humiliating, new punishments of obstreperous boys.
Your obedient servant,
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|Re: Purpose of nude, humiliating spankings||Dave||20:34:49 06/01/15 Mon|