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|Subject: My bullying experiences.|
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Date Posted: 14:45:00 01/28/15 Wed
I’ve always been really small in stature for a guy, and not very strong(even now as an adult I’m only around 5’5 and still fairly wimpy). In school there were a lot of girls who were much bigger then me and really tough. Quite a few of them used to single me out to bully me and push me around. Including ganging up on me in large groups in the hallways, roughing me up, and shoving me, putting me in headlocks, pinning me up against the walls/lockers while getting in my face to verbally berate me. After school it was even worse. They’d wait for me outside as I’d leave, gang up on me again, and one of them would tackle me then pin me to the ground while sitting on my chest, as the other girls watched, sometimes even joining in. Sometimes I’d get my face sat on as well. This would usually go on for a long time, sometimes lasting up to an hour, or even more, before they’d finally get off and let me go. It happened on almost a daily basis for me, and was kind of a mixed bag. Even at that very early age, there was a part of me that found it arousing and exciting. Not only to be physically overpowered and held down, unable to get free, but also because these girls were basically using me as a toy for their amusement. But there was also a part of me that found it very humiliating and emasculating for this to happen to me. It was also quite scary and stressful because I never knew how long it would last, or how intense it would get. Every day I’d go into school feeling some excitement at what was in store for me, but also feeling a lot of dread at the same time. Once I graduated high school, it pretty much ceased happening all that often. I had a few similar experiences while in college, but after that it seemed like my days of being bullied and humiliated by women were a thing of the past. To which I felt quite a bit of relief.
Fast forward to a few years later. I just recently started a new job working at an office. I had been there a few months, and then one day a few of the women working there decided to spend the lunch hour having a picnic in a nearby park. They invited me to go along. I thought it a bit strange being that I was the only male they invited, but I accepted the invitation. I had a bit of an uneasy feeling at first, thinking they might have had something sinister planned, but quickly dismissed it as me being paranoid. So I showed up at the park as planned. And things started off ok until one of the women, around 5'11 and fairly heavyset , started joking around and taunting me that she could kick my ass. Very nervously I replied "Well I'm not so sure", the next thing I Know she tackled me to the ground and was sitting on my chest in no time, with my arms securely trapped under her shins. She felt really heavy on me, and I made a few frantic attempts to escape, but after struggling and tiring myself out, it was clear I wasn’t getting free, so I just lay there trapped and helpless. She slapped me in the face a bit, threw grass on my face and taunted and humiliated me verbally for about an hour, while the other girls all watched, before finally letting me go with a promise that she would get me again soon. After that day, I tried to avoid her as much as possible around the office, but I would inevitably run into her and she would simply taunt me by saying “don’t forget my promise, I’ll get you again someday”. I continued to try and make myself scarce, but it felt just like being back in school all over again, going to work everyday feeling nervous, not knowing what was in store for me, if she’d make good on her promise. Well, a few weeks went by and nothing happened, I began feeling a little reassured that it might not happen again. But eventually she, along with the help of her friends, managed to entrap me again. It was at the end of the work day and they got hold of me and dragged me into an empty room, locked the door. I was forced down to the floor, as she once again got on top and sat on my chest. I once again started struggling in desperate attempt to get free, but it was hopeless. Another woman sat on my legs so I couldn’t move them. At that point she informed me that I’d better get really used to being in this position, because it was going to happen a lot from now on. She kept me pinned for well over an hour. She continued to taunt me and slap me a little, but spent most of the time ignoring me and talking to her friends before eventually letting me go.
After that day, it started happening much more frequently. She would get me in the room and pin me down every chance she got. Sometimes her other friends would be there, sometimes it would just be the 2 of us. Eventually she started bullying me in other ways as well. Such as bossing me around in the office, Making me carry things for her, etc. And basically threaten me that if I gave her any attitude at all she’d really make me pay for it.
For a while, after this all began, I was really resistant to it. I would often try and duck out of the office early to avoid being caught by her, but rarely succeeding. Even though a part of me did like it(just like in high school) a part of me hated it because of the complete lack of power I felt in the whole situation. But eventually, I learned to accept it, and even embrace it. I’ve been working there a few years now, and this is still going on. She’s even invited some of her other female friends(who don’t work at the office) to humiliate me as well. She and her circle of friends will sometimes hold get-togethers at one of the girls homes. And I’ll be ordered to show up. Of course I spend most of the evening pinned to the floor with her sitting on me. Some of the other women will sometimes pin me as well. I now realize that my rightful place is on the floor with a woman sitting on top of me(hence my nic), and that’s the way it’s always been. I was a fool to resist it or think otherwise. I still feel a lot of the negative emotions I used to, the fear, anxiety, powerlessness, etc. But I’ve learned to embrace those feelings as being part of the experience.
I’ve talked about these experiences with a few people online. And the responses are almost always along the lines of that I’m being bullied/abused, I need to report her, and find some way to put a stop to it. But honestly, I no longer want it to stop. I wouldn’t trade my this in for anything. I’m also aware that some people(who are into BDSM roleplay) might say that this is wrong because I don’t explicitly give my consent for this to happen. But honestly part of the thrill I get is from knowing what’s happening is real, and I’m not in control.
So thought I’d just share my experiences with you folks. Hope you enjoyed reading it.
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