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Date Posted: 12:26
Author: Hendrik - 14 Jun 2001
Subject: Man proposes, God disposes

Taken from the book "The Christ Consciousness" by Norman Paulsen, 1994 paperback edition, Salt Lake City, USA, pp. 162-3

Paramhansaji had never encouraged me to write or speak, as he had some of the other brothers and sisters; it seemed I must be content with doing construction jobs and repair work. Jean Haupt and I worked together on various occasions. He seemed to be having a hard time of it. Jean had the idea that minutes spent in meditation were like putting gold coins in the bank. He would literally meditate at least five or six hours a day, and more if he could squeeze it in.

"The more I meditate," Jean said sadly, "the further away I seem to be from God; I can't understand it."

Jean had discussed this matter with Paramhansaji, and the answer he received was, "It's by the grace of the Lord that any of us meet him."

"Do you mean to say," questioned Jean, "that he bestows his presence on anyone he choses, at random?"

Yogananda replied, "It's not the amount of Kriyas we perform that counts. What really counts is how much we love him. It is the sincere love of our hearts given up to him that attracts him to us."

Jean was confused. He felt in his case he was now performing hours of meditation for nothing because if God comes only to those he chooses, then he, Jean, was never going to see him.

"Jean," I said, "meditation is like plowing the field. We must plow the field and make it ready for the seeding. God is certainly aware of the preparation you have made. As our teacher has said, 'The Lord comes when you least expect him;' therefore, we must always be prepared."

Jean shook his head. He was really disappointed after all these years that he had not entered Cosmic Consciousness or seen much of anything in his meditations. Jean was not ready to quit, but he was talking about leaving Mount Washington for a while. As it turned out, Jean did leave about the spring of 1952. Life in a monastic order offers little physical comfort or companionship. One can meditate and pray just so long, then there has to be something creative to do. After the Lake Shrine was completed and India House was open, Paramhansaji had offered no more projects. He was totally engulfed in finishing his writings.

[Note: Jean Haupt was about sixty years old at that time; no idea when he had come to Yoganandaji]

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