Re: Sweet 16 -- Poetry Grace and Insanity

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Date Posted: 02/23/01 3:08:54pm
Author: Window Man
Subject: Re: Sweet 16
In reply to: Lamar Renville 's message, "Sweet 16" on 01/18/01 6:22:23am

That's pretty fucking intense.
It is a good poem, as Chad said there...
but it really should be a great poem
I thought it was overly descriptive, trying too hard, especially in the opening lines...however, this was saved cos I thought it really took off at "Sixteen takes another hit" and built up an impressive crescendo...only to be let down by a hasty ending. It was too short, frankly, hahaha. I thought you tried to rip through this girl's whole life with much too much brevity (ooh, what a lovely oxymoron). I thought this was exacerbated by the way you spent a lot of time describing settings and ideas in the beginning...

But ooh ooh, it will be a great poem too, when you re-write it, won't it peanut. Hahaha.

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Replies:

Re: Sweet 16 -- Leisa*), 03/ 8/05 9:22:18am

Re: Sweet 16 -- Lamar, 05/25/05 12:46:12am

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>That's pretty fucking intense. >It is a good poem, as Chad said there... >but it really should be a great poem >I thought it was overly descriptive, trying too hard, >especially in the opening lines...however, this was >saved cos I thought it really took off at "Sixteen >takes another hit" and built up an impressive >crescendo...only to be let down by a hasty ending. It >was too short, frankly, hahaha. I thought you tried to >rip through this girl's whole life with much too much >brevity (ooh, what a lovely oxymoron). I thought this >was exacerbated by the way you spent a lot of time >describing settings and ideas in the beginning... > >But ooh ooh, it will be a great poem too, when you >re-write it, won't it peanut. Hahaha.
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