Date Posted:04:10:16 05/27/05 Fri Author: kande Subject: Bubba snips the thread with his sewing scissors.
He removes his reading glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. Yawning, he sets his creation in a chair across the room, then resumes his seat to see how it looks. He looks at the picture, then back at the creation. Disgusted, he tosses down the sewing directions and crosses his arms in a huff. "How is anyone supposed to make a sock monkey with even fewer directions than you get with Ikea furniture?" he thinks.
Taking another look at it, he decides it isn't so bad. So what if the arms are higher than the ears? It sort of looks like Uncle Fred. Bubba chuckles at the thought.
Before he can take a picture to send to Aunt Fran, a commotion outside captures his attention. He waddles over to the window he surreptitiously installed in his room under the stairs (Kande would kill him if she found out!) and peers out. He grabs the binoculars he keeps on the window sill (for...um...bird-watching) to see what's going on across the square. Focusing in, he gasps and starts hopping from foot to foot.
Meanwhile, across the square, KS is shouting instructions to JD. "A little higher on the left. Good. Now a smidge lower. No! That's a tad, not a smidge!" JD makes another adjustment. "Stop! That's perfect!"
JD climbs down from the ladder and joins the rest of Shipperville on the sidewalk. He looks up to admire his handiwork. The mayor steps forward and clears her throat, which immediately causes everyone to look at her with great anticipation.
"In honor of the new X-Files movie soon to begin filming in my hometown, I am pleased to be with you today to officially open the Crazy Cat Lady Pizza Parlor!" The crowd erupts in applause. "To celebrate the opening, the parlor is offering up this special promotion: find three matching cat hairs in your pizza, and your next pie is free!"
The crowd's applause slowly stops, with murmurs of "Did she say what I think she just said?" and "Three MATCHING cat hairs?!" flowing through the crowd.
Silently cursing KS for insisting on this promotion, the mayor says, "Now, I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking that isn't sanitary." The crowd nods in unison. "Well, that's hogwash. The hairs are baked into the pie, so any bad things are killed by the intense heat."
While the crowd ponders this, and before anyone can ask for her sources, the mayor cuts the ribbon over the front door. "Without further ado, I hereby declare the Crazy Cat Lady Pizza Parlor open for business!"
The crowd slowly moves toward the door, well aware of the financial repurcussions of not getting a pizza. Bubba pushes and shoves his way to the front of the line and looks around inside the restaurant, licking his thin lips. Where there's cat hair, there must be cats, he reasons.
