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>I would just like to say, that I'm honored to recieve >this award for bagger of the millenium, or whatever >the hell it is. I'd like to thank all the little >people... errr.. wait, there is no one below me, well >maybe the janitors, but since they're illegals I don't >think they count. And for the record, I'm not 6'4, >180 lbs... that's just disgusting... try adding 40 >lbs. and you'll be right on. Well, I used to be 180, >but I get lots of tips for my excellent service, and I >like to spend that money on Chee-tos and Hostess >Cupcakes. >I'd like to thank my mom and dad for... well, nothing >actually, anyway I'm not going to thank the Lord for >this award, because I find it hard to believe that he >"granted" me the ability to bag groceries fast enough >to get on Letterman. I'd also like to say that I'm >sorry I couldn't make it to the Awards Show, and >you're probably wondering why I'm accepting this award >via satellite from my home as I sit in a wheelchair. >In the parking lot the other day, I saved little >Timmy's life, but unfortunately I got hit by a Buick. >That's right, I said a Buick. In a strange twist, i >actually pushed Timmy to safety, where he was hit by a >Winnebago... ouch. As for my return to MLB, I didn't >think anyone noticed I was gone. When does baseball >season start??

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