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Date Posted: 18:02:33 05/13/00 Sat
Author: mahin
Subject: Re: Brand New Dingledodie doing the Poet Dance
In reply to: Jeremy 's message, "Brand New Dingledodie doing the Poet Dance" on 15:30:25 05/12/00 Fri

hello. some c&c and questions below. i think this poem
needs to share more information for a reader to grasp the
message.


> RESPONSE
>
> Leave me a crack in your vulnerability -- excellent!
> Let me open up your weakness
> I will disguise myself --disguise how?
> My portrayal of hidden sin -- portray how?
> The depths of your soul -- cliche
> Leading me to entice you
> I will win for your fear let’s me. -- careful with the
use of 'for's, it can add formality to a voice that you
might not want.
>
>
> Hello evil mistress
> Come into my shadow
> For I am not afraid
> For in my greatest darkness
> I am not alone -- why aren't you alone?
> Your mask shows your cowardice -- what mask? what cowardice?
> I laugh at you!! -- why?

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  • Re: Brand New Dingledodie doing the Poet Dance -- Mors, 19:31:56 05/13/00 Sat
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