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Date Posted: 19:31:56 05/13/00 Sat
Author: Mors
Subject: Re: Brand New Dingledodie doing the Poet Dance
In reply to: Jeremy 's message, "Brand New Dingledodie doing the Poet Dance" on 15:30:25 05/12/00 Fri

Hello Jeremy,

This poem is a mystery and with all mysteries, you need more power in the words to make it work. You have a strong beginning and a great end; the middle is muddled to my humble senses and the reliance on lazy cliche and little words detract from such strength.
Just MHO; take it with so many grains of salt.
Thanks
Mors


> Hey all. New to this scene, but my friend referred me
> and I must join into this madness. Lots of free verse
> in my poems I hope to share with all of you. Would
> love to get some tips for new styles.
>
> RESPONSE
>
> Leave me a crack in your vulnerability
> Let me open up your weakness
> I will disguise myself
> My portrayal of hidden sin
> The depths of your soul
> Leading me to entice you
> I will win for your fear let’s me.
>
>
> Hello evil mistress
> Come into my shadow
> For I am not afraid
> For in my greatest darkness
> I am not alone
> Your mask shows your cowardice
> I laugh at you!!

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