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>Hello Jeremy, > >This poem is a mystery and with all mysteries, you >need more power in the words to make it work. You have >a strong beginning and a great end; the middle is >muddled to my humble senses and the reliance on lazy >cliche and little words detract from such strength. >Just MHO; take it with so many grains of salt. >Thanks >Mors > > >> Hey all. New to this scene, but my friend referred >me >> and I must join into this madness. Lots of free >verse >> in my poems I hope to share with all of you. Would >> love to get some tips for new styles. >> >> RESPONSE >> >> Leave me a crack in your vulnerability >> Let me open up your weakness >> I will disguise myself >> My portrayal of hidden sin >> The depths of your soul >> Leading me to entice you >> I will win for your fear let’s me. >> >> >> Hello evil mistress >> Come into my shadow >> For I am not afraid >> For in my greatest darkness >> I am not alone >> Your mask shows your cowardice >> I laugh at you!!

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