[ Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message ]
Date Posted: 01:11:07 04/15/11 Fri
Author: Maria
Subject: College advice?
I rambled, go into next post please.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Replies:
[>
In here >>> -- Maria, 01:12:30 04/15/11 Fri
As you know, DS is due to go off to college this fall. He is very bright, with a dry sense of humor and looks at the world in an off kilter way that always makes me smile. We are pretty close. Last May I started the college prep by taking him to visit a college access counselor who gave him a lot of advice and materials, and told him that he needed to start preparing, i.e. writing an essay or two, lining up scholarships, etc. He hemmed and hawed, the materials disappeared into his pigsty of a room, but mostly he ignored it. A couple of months ago we did two college applications and he was accepted at both. We visited his first choice and I forked over the money to hold his spot, signed up for the orientation etc.
So, now it's a year since I told him to get busy, and the college he wants is over $43,000 a year. He took the ACT twice, didn't study at all either time despite my furnishing him with practice websites, books etc., and his best score was a 24. His GPA is 3.25. This got him a financial aid package (including Pell grant and a small student loan) that will cover nearly half. (I talked to a freshmen student at our visit and he told me he had a 32/3.65 and got a full ride. DS is a procrastinator and is so bright he's been able to coast a LOT at his little school and it's going to be his downfall.) So HE (we are in NO WAY able to help him beyond maybe spending money and both kids have know that their entire lives) needs to come up with the difference, in scholarships. He's still dragging his feet and yesterday told me what he really wants to do is take a year off. He even brought up some article online to show me about how it can be beneficial for some kids, yada yada. I can see that, if he had a valid reason for it, like he wanted to join the Peace Corp or something, but he just wants a year off. So I told him no way, if he loses momentum he will likely never get back to it. He insists he wants to go to college, and will when he can take his time to "prepare for what will affect the rest of his life". In other words he wants another year with nothing else to do but work on scholarships. Um, yeah no. He has the summer to apply and I'm sure he can do it. He can also retake the ACT and if his score goes up, so will his aid package.
There is a $5000 locally administered scholarship that I told him two weeks ago he needed to write an essay for, as it HAS to be postmarked by the 15th. He didn't do it, didn't do, got mad at me for asking about it, gave me the cold shoulder etc. He finally drafted it out TONIGHT and wants me to polish it up and send it. Again, procrastinate and coast.
I just don't know what to do. He's very non-confrontational and tends to disappear into his room if I even speak harshly, let alone yell at him. He is also very stubborn. I'm so afraid he is going to blow this and end up in a dead end job scraping by, just like we are. We don't want that for him, but we also can't do it for him. What can I do to motivate him? Should I let him take the year off? I know in my gut that he shouldn't, but is there something I'm missing here?
He and his sister both have been arguing and yelling at each other, not doing their chores, etc. I'm gone so much with work and school that I have let things slide that I shouldn't have, and it's starting to bite me in the ass. DD especially has been very disrespectful and rude lately and doesn't seem to care what I do to punish her. DS insists she gets away with murder so why should he do what he's told? DH is no help, just gets into shouting matches with them. He gets totally unreasonable and usually ends up throwing his hands in the air and leaving it all up to me. I can't take much more, I've been having almost constant panic symptoms and keep breaking down bawling. If the doctor would give me more than 10 Ativan at a time I'd be popping them like Pez. I start new classes May 2nd and I'm NOT looking forward to it. And of course there's DS's graduation party to plan and pay for, the house to get into shape for it, etc. I feel like I'm drowning here. When the media reported Catherine Zeta Jones had a breakdown and was in the hospital, I thought that sounded like a vacation. :p
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Something my friend did was>>>>>>>>>>>. -- M&M, 15:35:19 04/15/11 Fri
sat her kids down and told them what they made how much goes to mortgage, bills, and what they could afford for college, it seemed to help her kids realize the cost.
We weren't that brave, we basically told Ian that college is like buying a new car for cash every year and that we finance our cars for 4 years, so not only will paying your college be a burden on us, the whole family takes a hit, so your brother too will be sacraficing for you to go to college.
We also asked him what style of living would he want, and that all depending on him...... not us.
College is going to be a huge eye opener to him, Ian was a very smart coaster too, and had a heck of a time his freshman year in college. He couldnt believe how much work it was.
Ian isnt eligible for any scholarships, he was an honor student in high school even with a really decent avg.
We told our kids no private schools since Indiana had such good public ones, that if they wanted a private school, that we would pay what a state school costs and they had to cover the rest.
Purdue isnt as expensive either, the first year was the most, I want to say 20, and its been around 16-18 since, hes in an apt and its much much cheaper.
He also works part time summer and during school. We pay his insurance, food, he pays gas and extras. We made him take a 6 grand loan that he has to pay himself, and I can tell that just hangs over his head, he hasnt goofed off at all, and hes trying to save enough so he can pay it off when he gets out. Another thing, we only pay for four years, so if you cant get your shit together its on your dime.
Presonally Marie, have the kids seen you lose it? I lost it in front of the kids once, scared the crap out of them, and they really shaped up and knew I wasn't dicking around with them anymore. *g* Although Collin has been the non-talkative jr. asshole and basically thinks were idiots, I cant wait to send him to school.
Personally if you child has a phone, Id take it, till he gets his shit together. Computer, video games........ thats what I do if they act up, I just take away it all, its all or nothing around here, and I pretty much tell them that too. The only thing I leave them is their mp3 player.
Kids now dont think its any big deal to have this debt when they graduate, but it will catch up with them.
I really dont have any advice, but really do feel for you, its stressful enough as it is financially, you dont need all this crazy crap too! Its just a really stressful time to begin with, and you dont need all this other crap along with it.
Be the mean mom, make him want to get out of the house. Tell him he takes a year off, he isnt staying with you!
Hugs, hugs, hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[ Edit | View ]
[> [> [>
Sorry Im repeatitive..... but this stuff and kids pisses me off. :) -- M&M, 15:38:05 04/15/11 Fri
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Oh, so sorry you are having such a stress-filled plate! Just a few thoughts>>>>> -- Merc, 15:56:04 04/15/11 Fri
My full-time job is as an academic adviser, so I have worked with the college-set for over 30 years. One thing I have seen over and over is that the coasters in high school will have a REALLY rude shock if they attend any decent kind of academic university. We tell them, and tell them, and some listen and actually do begin studying harder. Other seem to have to learn the hard way, and the consequences can be far reaching. Another thing I have seen over and over is that when parents rush in to solve all the problems, or pick up pieces, smooth things over, etc, those kids have a really hard time learning to take charge of their own lives. Like Michelle, I would show exactly what monthly payments will result from college loans. Funny, but I used the same analogy as M&M--when my DS started in about going to really expensive music academies, I said, "Those cost a BMW per year. Do we own even one BMW, let alone four!!!!!" We also had the Four Year Rule, and in my job, I see so many instances when other parents should enforce that one. Also, tuition and help from home should stop when academic performance is poor. This isn't being mean--it means that something isn't right, and sometimes that is the only way to get to the bottom of the problem. RE taking a year off--not every kid is mature enough to start college right out of high school. But, I would advise making very firm rules about how the year off should be spent, if you are still going to be expected to help with college expenses once the year is over. How much money should be in the bank account when the year is over, for example. What are acceptable ways to spend the year? Anyhoo, these are just some of the ramblings of an adviser, and a Mom of a college grad, and another in college now. Hope any of this helps. Hang in there!
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Aw Maria, I do remember those years and they weren't fun. Kellye was the only one of my kids to go to college and it was for a trade but even then it was hard for her but she made it. She got by on a student loan that we helped her with it, mind you she was only in college for 2 years. Keith wouldn't go to college so the minute he graduated he had to pay room and board. No school, no free ride. It only took him 2 years to finally move out. -- 
Aislinn, 20:48:46 04/15/11 Fri
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
I keep telling myself...it's the age!>>>> -- Brenda, 12:25:37 04/16/11 Sat
Although my son was a hard worker through high school, he struggles with change in the form of anxiety. We did let him take a a year off due to this in order to save money for school. He made $18 000 that year and managed to put away $2 500 for school. In hindsight, we should have monitored his savings closely. If your son does take a year off, help him budget. Don't do it for him...that doesn't help him learn anything either. Our son had never given us any reason to doubt his budgeting abilities in the past, but I think the freedom of having a year off, and that much money, was too much.
We also can't afford to help with much. I give him some money every month for groceries and spending, and Christmas presents and things consist of gift cards for things he needs. He is a music student studying jazz (wants to be a high school music teacher) and there are very few scholarships out there. He does not qualify for a loan because my husband and I "make too much money" according to the government (Canada). We signed a $20 000 line of credit for him that he is responsible for making the payments on. We told him, when that runs out, he has to figure it out on his own. He has maxed that out now and is facing the prospect of taking next year off to make money for school. The good thing is, he doesn't want to take a year off which will motivate him to find ways to finance his education. He is also going to appeal his loan. By doing this, we can fill out a form that shows that even though we look good on paper, we don't have the extra laying around to pay for college. My daughter will also be starting college in September so we will have 2 of them!
I have come to the decision that, if they want to be left alone and treated like adults.....give them what they are asking for. Adults have to look after their own expenses. If they make bad decisions....well, some kids need to fall on their ass a few times to figure it out. At least they can't come back to you and say "Well, you made me go to school when I didn't want to!". Be up front and tell them what you are able to help with. Show them your own finances so they don't think you have thousands of dollars hidden away somewhere that you're not telling them about.
I hope things work out the way you want.
[ Edit | View ]
[> [> [>
I dont know about there Brenda, but here the more you have in college at the same time the more you are qualified for. -- M&M, 19:57:27 04/17/11 Sun
[ Edit | View ]
[>
We're not there yet but the rule in my house growing up after high school was 'full time school or full time job'. They would support us like they did in high school if we went to college (food, clothes...but only local schools where we could live at home--cars, insurance and gas was ALWAYS something we had to pay for ourselves)...if we went to work we paid rent. I took a 'year off' and worked 4 jobs (1 full time, 3 part time)...then started classes part time and still worked full time....then got engaged so stopped classes. Then the rule was I could pay rent or pay for the wedding. I paid for the wedding....THAT was stupid! ;) I DID go back to uni a year after I got married....felt so OLD at 21...and 16 years after DH graduated (I didn't) we are STILL paying off those student loans! *sigh* We borrowed $30000 between us....consolidated them to one...did deferment for a few years...I'm hoping to have them paid before Joey finishes uni. :( -- Ceilidh, 08:24:45 04/16/11 Sat
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
We have told Joey that if he still doesn't know what he wants to do at the end of high school then he should go to trade school so he'll have a trade to 'fall back' on AND a way to pay his own way through school. We'll see...I'll be back in 3 years! ;) -- Ceilidh, 08:25:17 04/16/11 Sat
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
SPvltUPFESLKhxuvWHW -- edinvmewiw (OvnTyoEykPVVaIAyq), 18:11:39 06/05/11 Sun
qjgNex suwavuzqnkre, [url=http://ygcyfjbitqfk.com/]ygcyfjbitqfk[/url], [link=http://bzpboqfgtbih.com/]bzpboqfgtbih[/link], http://zytibepmncpt.com/
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
yklWnkOEudgErdhAu -- wwkfyrxqnmx (pXQeEopjSM), 05:33:07 07/04/11 Mon
lqHrTA xccgzrneilgr, [url=http://bvqymirvdgbj.com/]bvqymirvdgbj[/url], [link=http://ymxeeczgdqms.com/]ymxeeczgdqms[/link], http://nuwbybvuplqs.com/
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
pIIuYQIKgPK -- name (kouzJhkbvvEqj), 03:10:53 07/16/11 Sat
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
uVrGGgeNVx -- name (seggpETRrLbxYNhjj), 05:38:37 07/16/11 Sat
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
pklSFICEczG -- name (atrOGrVxiSuoLi), 08:05:57 07/16/11 Sat
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
uXPSUUsTksXZSN -- name (giQdQmkNZGetow), 10:35:18 07/16/11 Sat
comment1,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
ZEurZlPqlkXiUuI -- name (baPcJaZjyyzfC), 13:03:24 07/16/11 Sat
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
ZBpLajvGQOYHHOWmmS -- name (GwZnoMzyBNZSayd), 20:26:53 07/17/11 Sun
comment1,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
ygstTYcfuYcCgZy -- name (tvBWRQvcsmwqNqEY), 22:58:32 07/17/11 Sun
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
VqAuyMJlhTxZPELsiog -- name (MJBkJtRqOnCzBoBeNte), 01:34:34 07/18/11 Mon
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
VEojHRgMQSIFZW -- name (EOnzHXocMOQ), 04:08:26 07/18/11 Mon
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
CbyOFJvnaDDLztYFXkn -- name (ljzYLGGwNO), 07:10:12 07/18/11 Mon
comment3,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
HtDebTtUkSUp -- name (LCCpCrzcItRvnPxqlF), 16:20:42 07/19/11 Tue
comment3,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
FsNQTyZSyonISGQak -- name (KihdFfQgqQnyKSOcCUS), 19:25:55 07/19/11 Tue
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
bVvsZJyszScetJqoJ -- name (etdJGSEsePnA), 22:09:16 07/19/11 Tue
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
eVrhcmBMXPIFpmGzoT -- name (VCVytIVXmRoLLcjVU), 00:55:03 07/20/11 Wed
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
pBhfIoAZFiOSKJzWgcP -- name (QMvMbRqLWkaPPgyVNd), 03:44:39 07/20/11 Wed
comment1,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
etNEswlrhdqiVJd -- name (VgmBVmJnwR), 08:12:57 07/21/11 Thu
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
gqeifpKElUN -- bfkryxqwvvj (ERyDJkfNUBkXf), 16:46:44 07/21/11 Thu
hBFQlp gisgrpsttsax, [url=http://yczobktpdtiy.com/]yczobktpdtiy[/url], [link=http://oduwquzplphn.com/]oduwquzplphn[/link], http://nwstqnmmmkee.com/
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
UrLyrfAhTbF -- name (QFZbZcWKenmqzNYb), 07:14:38 08/06/11 Sat
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
OEEuLMQgQuRN -- name (OBosuUrmBqH), 08:15:53 08/07/11 Sun
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
gISdPVNDfTzsshKYyhF -- name (pVpGmEIbJxNZAtw), 12:10:51 08/07/11 Sun
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
DfTacITjlrxaaoSe -- name (svcpeLwmNToaTjs), 13:59:05 08/07/11 Sun
comment4,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
xrCRRxRFQVfjXA -- name (UNnPeCJyLqAXvmoJE), 15:41:44 08/07/11 Sun
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
CDLwtLMXjgYtNCAQa -- name (TLAlpxAWCWQZo), 17:41:45 08/11/11 Thu
comment1,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
XblnOfDVjWLAJpKFoAx -- name (hAwUIPSIfFBfS), 19:11:22 08/11/11 Thu
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
OxVJBIbUxD -- name (ILwdexHdxAeZ), 20:45:48 08/11/11 Thu
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
rkAlhEmPVKrWwO -- name (yQpdMrVpyHyeGoZqn), 22:28:17 08/11/11 Thu
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
ZExwRPSFHpGpeKlI -- name (fXlHliqYmAuFJK), 00:20:31 08/12/11 Fri
comment4,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
MsKnzQMYObFRVx -- name (YRIOMzFNZXDAuMtlY), 02:10:04 08/12/11 Fri
comment6,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
NRAYnIdWpRWhyhjsR -- name (PCQqnMhJHyrAEbenw), 19:34:48 08/12/11 Fri
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
GasYvMSHMstflxIeL -- name (QlyJIThDaLU), 21:20:06 08/12/11 Fri
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
puXURdGoIZjEewbO -- name (kwWfyZgYYoPlrjPqFS), 23:17:49 08/12/11 Fri
comment4,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
TBbpXMmBbUKwKvX -- name (xNwFQFUgtoom), 01:27:04 08/13/11 Sat
comment3,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
nWmtvKniYEpVSycH -- name (gZIXBqUZByjYAtN), 03:53:26 08/13/11 Sat
comment2,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
uGeFPnfmbjOoyOmS -- name (jMprgECZNLZvgPmrH), 06:28:00 08/13/11 Sat
comment3,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
mWLAzjKJVCwFwXTDM -- name (bIzwQBiJlcLiFp), 16:13:44 08/14/11 Sun
comment5,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
zXIDulSLcDmtNtuvfxM -- name (YmlHGPxmSDyzNnZJR), 17:50:32 08/14/11 Sun
comment3,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
TffZSWfbpblKuhcN -- name (ZLNxOJpCIGIBbdQZ), 19:29:24 08/14/11 Sun
comment1,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
luCRbKWNeC -- djrswkhr (TxHojPJStHJjpMZRz), 16:53:06 08/18/11 Thu
P7qsKT bfrztgyxqozu, [url=http://ozhsialapati.com/]ozhsialapati[/url], [link=http://bmqlsqolfbhw.com/]bmqlsqolfbhw[/link], http://mqgveohxpzpe.com/
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
FvprhDxBcuHIHRVF -- coated enteric prednisolone tablet (gKTWWTjZSgcMBvtjQwI), 01:38:03 09/02/11 Fri
comment6, buy brand acomplia, kmlmvh, lexapro, >:))), key-pred sp, igrw,
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
tufzhPdCQnhjAKrmyh -- jrlflnicc (oADrofhumz), 13:50:17 09/08/11 Thu
8aBw4t wlkqsotmgcpg, [url=http://akrslhdwnefw.com/]akrslhdwnefw[/url], [link=http://vpvtfmqljfjc.com/]vpvtfmqljfjc[/link], http://wwxwmdmrjqiq.com/
[ Edit | View ]
[>
Ok you've gotten good advice so far so here's mine although I agree with M&M and Merc too! >>>> -- BetsyG (), 10:15:12 04/16/11 Sat
In one senes it doesn't sound like he's mature enough yet to attend college and the year off would probably be a good idea. I see this ALL the time with kids in high school especially the unmotivated ones. I would really not want him at the expensive school with loans and debt and have him fail out because he partied too much or just couldn't keep up. This is going to sound blunt but I don't think he is going to get more aide or scholarships - its not just scores on tests and applications letters anymore they look at the whole picture and his picture shows a slcacker - people won't put money behind that.
NOW that said boys mature slower and I think the analogies you've been given are good - DO lose it in front of him to show him how stressed you are
DO sit him down and with the realities of finances. Show him the new stuff from Suze Orman she has new things about the new American Dream and its NOT owning a house and its how much money you should have saved up for emergencies and how much debt from college.
Both our kids were required to maintain deans list status or we would refuse to pay (which we paid with loans) We also had the four year only rule. They also both have the max student loans they could get and they had the Michigan scholarships and applied for other ones possible they each got small amounts of free money. Both of them also worked during the school year and summers for spending money we didn't supply that ever. I refused to cover partying! However they were both able with this process to even have small study abraod experiences and are thrilled with what they got at college!
They both work hard now and those student loans are like rocks around their necks - they hate them! But they understand that it was part of the deal.
I would also highly reccomend for someone immature to do those required freshman core courses at the local community college level - Merc may have more input on this but I know the ones in VA have guaranteed transfer to the four year colleges and into certain majors that are tough to get accepted into. Some students find this is a much better way to go and its cheaper-- the guaranteed transfer is with a certain gpa.
I would say if he stays home next year that he must have a full time job or part time job and CC credits and make him start paying some room and board somehting to household bills if he stays home next year.
Good luck! Hugs! and perhaps you do need some time away even a weekend do you guys have insurance that would cover yet of some inpatient counseling for you?
Last edited by author: Sat April 16, 2011 10:20:16
Edited 1 time.
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Transferring to universities -- Merc, 10:28:24 04/17/11 Sun
Yes, I can weigh in on the transferring question--the best bet here is to do careful research with the university/college you plan to transfer credits TO. For example, in my college/campus, the competition is so stiff for business majors, NO transfer students are eligible because we already have too many students from within the university wanting a business major to accept transfers from without. So, its always a good idea to talk with folks from inside the uni/college where the student wants to end up.
We also required both kiddies to have part-time jobs while in college, to pay for their own clothes, entertainment, etc. Gives them yet another change to learn the value of the buck.
Hope this helps!
[ Edit | View ]
[>
Do they still do CO-OP? Brian paid his own way through college and worked summers and every other semester at an engineering firm, took him five years instead of four, but he had much less debt when he graduated. He also took night classes the summers/semesters he was working. I was curious if they still have these type of programs out there???????? -- M&M, 19:19:16 04/16/11 Sat
[ Edit | View ]
[>
I know I'm a broken record with the book 'Teaching With Love & Logic' (there is a parenting one, too) but it just makes so much sense. It's all about teaching kids responsibility. When ds went to university I was a single parent and didn't have the money to pay his tuition even if I had wanted to - which was fine because I'm a big believer in people making there own choices and then being responsible for them. ds always had a job, paid his tuition/books, etc. and took the bus the first 2 yrs of uni until he had saved 500 bucks to buy an old car. The one thing I gave him was free room and board as long as he was in school. I CANNOT believe ds will be 40 this year!!! That's impossible! -- M.F., 03:36:55 04/17/11 Sun
[ Edit | View ]
[>
THANK you, everyone, so much. I don't know what people who don't have such a wonderful resource as this DO when they just don't know what to, well, do. *G* In here please >>> -- Maria, 03:44:27 04/18/11 Mon
First off, I have talked to Dylan and basically given him a deadline. He has until May 1st to make a decision one way or the other. If he decides to stay home for a year, he will have a well thought out plan, including whether he will work full time at whatever job he can get (which really isn't going to be easy for him, our economy SUCKS monkey nuts), or do CC part-time/work part-time, how much of his income he will pay us for rent, how much he will put away, etc. He would also have to call the admissions advisor at UofDM and find out if he would be able to reapply for the next academic year - will they hold his place? what classes could he take at CC that will transfer? - talk to his high school advisor, etc. Or, he will decide to go to college, buckle down and find the money through scholarships HIMSELF, and retake the ACT. I gave him until May 1st because we're visiting his 2nd choice (Western) on the 28th and I want him to see them first. He admitted to me that he is a little scared of the whole unknown part of it, whether he can do it, etc., but I think a good portion of it is really he doesn't want/feels insecure about doing the work to find the money/make the money. I know it's out there and if he can't find it, well then he doesn't want it badly enough. It might be 40 $500 scholarships instead of one $20,000 one, but I'm told it's possible. It's just so overwhelming and I'm afraid he's passed some cut off dates for applications. Maybe he's right and he should wait in order to apply for stuff - I just don't know. Again, I need to talk to the advisor. I really am curious about Western, if he'll like it. He didn't like Oakland at all and Western is just as huge, and not in Detroit so farther for the auto industry angle. We didn't look at out of state because he wanted to stay close to home, and close to Detroit. I think the biggest angst on my part is I WANT to give him what he wants, I wish we could just say go wherever you want, we'll cover it - but the reality is we can't and it's killing me as a mom that I can't give him the best. :(
The kids have both known all their lives that we barely get by. They know how much we make and how much we spend (most of the time nearly all of it, and sometimes more than we have, unfortunately, so they also know that credit cards are evil) and that there will be little to no help from us. They know debt is a horrible thing to live with. Dylan has never been a social kid, he has a few close friends but isn't a partyer, rarely goes out, doesn't have a girlfriend and isn't a money waster by any means. He's probably more frugal than I am. *G* So that's good, but the only way he makes much money is odd jobs and fixing things, and buying things that don't work and fixing them and selling them, so he hasn't been able to save much. The job market here is just so bad. He does have an interview at a machine shop doing CAD work that his engineering teacher set up, so we're hoping that works out but it will be a summer job/internship and we don't know what he'd make yet. We support him as far as food and clothes (not a clothes horse either, his favorite outfit is wrangler jeans and a T-shirt), but he pays insurance on his car (bought himself, and buys parts when it breaks and fixes it himself), most of his gas (I do give him some now and then when he runs errands or picks up his sister for me, etc.) and pocket money. He has a prepay type cell phone that costs $15/month and rarely uses it, I just want him to have it for emergencies. He does have internet access and an old computer, that and video games are the only things I can take away that would really matter to him, and I have before and will if he doesn't get it together by May 1.
UofDM does have a coop program and he would make about $20K a year at it (but not freshman year of course), and could graduate with a Masters in five years. They also have a lot of jobs on campus for the kids to make money. The coop/masters, and their proximity to the auto industry, are the big draws for that school. Also they just seemed very much more practical/prep for real life, and not so much party/football/rahrahrah as the others we looked at. Not that that is bad, but it would be wasted on him. He'd rather play with machines and computers any day. When I talked to the admissions advisor, she did discourage the CC thing. I don't know if she really thought it would be problematic, or if she just wanted to be sure he spends his $$$ at their school, but basically she said CC'a didn't generally have the curriculum to transfer and he'd end up re-taking things. I haven't pursued it further yet.
I have lost it in front of them, more than once. To be honest I'm a freak out waiting to happen most days. I try to keep it together and manage most of the time, but I AM Italian and we yell. :) DD and I were watching Cake Boss one day and she turned to me and said, "mom, it's genetic!" She gives it back, Dylan didn't get that gene. I don't know which is worse. He HATES to be yelled at and basically hides.
I think I'm too close to the situation to know if it's a maturity thing (we did have him do Early 5's when he was little, so he's been 18 since Sept.), he's a very level headed kid, but he's not well traveled. I feel like he's ready for it, but maybe he doesn't think so. Now that it's looming so close, I think he's getting scared, but I feel like he should go. I'll miss him like crazy, but it's time for him to live HIS life. I don't know. I AM glad I won't have this drama when it's DD's turn, she already has a full scholarship to the local CC for two years and wants to do career center (a vocational program) to learn a trade in high school so she can work to pay for the next two years if she decides she wants a bachelors. She just can't decide what she wants to do. :p
Betsy, as far as us getting away or counseling, it's unlikely. We just can't afford it and have no insurance. DH is planning to talk to his bosses soon as he's been there a year now, hopefully they will give him a decent raise or pay his insurance.
Ok, I think I wrote a book here. *G* If y'all have any other thoughts or advice, I'd be grateful. Thanks again for listening to my ramblings!
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
So much to think about! I have no advice that would be novel, but it seems you have thought out all the angles. The only other school that may be nearby and may have different entrance requirements etc, is University of Windsor, my old alma mater. Tuition isn't nearly as high in Canada, as far as I know. Might be worth a look. -- Denise, 11:40:14 04/18/11 Mon
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Maria we were at Purdue today, and they told us anyone that wants scholarship money they have to apply early early early. :( I wanted to add, any program that he can get a Masters in 5 years........nab it!!!!!! A lot of colleges arent doing those anymore because basically its worth more money if they go longer. -- M&M, 19:13:10 04/18/11 Mon
[ Edit | View ]
[> [>
Oh wow you have thought out all the angles! I think at this point I might call for a face to face interview with Mercy financial aide and tell them what you told us==it really does sound like the school for him and perhaps they can advise if he would get more aide with higher scores?it really does sound like the school for him and his interestes and career ideas. AND how the heck with the new health care can the employer of your DH get away with not giving him insurance? arghhhhhhhhhhh -- BetsyG (), 19:21:54 04/18/11 Mon
Last edited by author: Mon April 18, 2011 19:22:46
Edited 1 time.
[ Edit | View ]
[> [> [>
I'm going to call Mercy this week and see about Dylan retaking the ACT (they give it there, in a private room, twice a week) and share my concerns. I really do think it sounds like the best place for him, if he can swing the money. DH's employer did offer insurance, and would pay 20% of it, but it was still sooooo expensive and DH still isn't getting consistent full time hours so we had to say not now. :( Those laws about ins. don't go into effect for a couple of years and the way things are going they'll probably overturn them or something anyway -- Maria, 01:24:38 04/23/11 Sat
[ Edit | View ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]
Forum timezone: GMT-6
VF Version: 2.94, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2012 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.
|
|
