| Subject: Re: November 23, 2001 Maria Teresa Carlson aka Mrs. Rudy Farinas Commits Suicide |
Author:
CC Hoff
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Date Posted: 01/23/02 3:27pm PST
In reply to:
Miss Young Philippines 1979 Watcher
's message, "November 23, 2001 Maria Teresa Carlson aka Mrs. Rudy Farinas Commits Suicide" on 11/27/01 7:59pm PST
It's remarkable how often the family is experienced on two levels; the
facade of happiness and normality and the behind the scenes reality of
craziness and abuse.That is "FAMILY" TO EVERYBODY. iT HAS ITS PROFESSED
VALUES AND ITS CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED IMAGE, AS WELL AS ITS SECRET
TRANSGRESSION AND FOLLIES. iT HAS MOMENT OF PRIDE AND SKELETONS IN ITS
CLOSETS.It always has its shadows, we always find evil characters no matter
how much we wish otherwise. If you do not grasp the mystery about family,
the soulfulness that a family has to offer each of us will be spirited away
in hygienic notions of what family should be. The sentimental image that we
present publicly is a defense against the pain of proclaiming the family for
what it is. Sometimes COMFORTING and sometimes DEVASTATING HOUSE OF LIFE
MEMORY.
The story about the life of another woman (ma. Teresa Carlson)who allegedly
was a victim of abuse saddens me and it brings back memories I don't even
want to remember anymore. After all these years, the images were murky and
disjointed in my mind. As I thought back over the years of my life, marriage
that failed, bitterness, hatred, self-pity and remorse. What was it that
brought about 18 years of punishment? The heinous fact that I was no longer
a virgin when I married the father of my children I received a sentence that
tore every part of my body into shreds.But I was still expected and supposed
to feel unending love and deepest gratitude for the benevolence of my long
suffering (ex) husband. Whose philosophy of getting back at me was to abuse
me physically, mentally and spriritually. Whose philosophy of getting at me
was to abuse my son and eventually my daughters just to HURT me. I am not
saying that Carlson suffered the same but although the levels of
destructions are different, the principle is exactly the same. Memories,
images overwhelm me. My batterer's hands around my throat. Squeezing,
releasing, caressing, soothing, choking. I had enough. The scar had been
spirited by a man known for his bad temper, fast hands utter luck of
remorse. Now I realize I was part of the violence since I tolerated it for
18 years. There's a term for that that I learned here in America.
"Co-DEPENDENT." The last straw happened here in U.S.I thought, if this man I
am married to for 18 years and doesn't give a shit what happens to me, beats
me up almost everyday and then f*ck me everyday, then he is really actually
trying to kill me. I left him. I called the police and stood by me until I
was able to get my purse that had my $50.00. I left my clothes,
jewelry,underwear etc. etc. I had my $50.00 with me and I just wanted to get
the hell out of that house. As far away as I could. The $50.00 that I had in
my wallet gave me back my self esteem and most of all my SANITY and freedom.
I have no regrets.The most precious gift I gave to myself was leaving and
eventually divorcing the father of my children.I salute myself for that. I
was a battered wife and to get out of it is the most difficult part.
ACCEPTANCE is the key word. Once you have accepted the fact that you are a
battered wife, the rest would be easy. I share this to every woman who are
suffering now. If your mate slaps or back hands you the first time, give him
just one warning. Tell him that the second time he does this, you would
leave him. second tme it happens,HONOR your words and LEAVE the hell out of
that house. Why? Because the abuse won't stop. It will only escalate. It
would stop momentarily. Then what? Your batterer starts f*cking you again
and then another baby is in the coming. Now you will say: I can't leave him.
I am pregnant again." Please don't make that as an excuse. Put two aspirins
between your goddamn legs so you won't get pregnant again. There's one trait
that wife beaters have in common. They would deny that they're abusing their
wives. They would come up with a story like, you are an unfit mother. You
are imagining things. The beatings never happened. You are delusional. They
would portray themselves to be a loving husband and father. Worst, they
would say you are a drug addict. Worst, the batterer would brainwash your
children. They would use the children as a weapon against you. The children
have no choice. They are SCARED to death. Believe me about this. It happened
to me. The second time, PLEASE LEAVE HIM
Carlson's story is very similar to Vicky Daniels' life story. Vicky was
also married to a very powerful Politician in the South. She was battered
and abused. until one night while Price Daniels was beating her, Vicky went
ahead and got a gun and shot him. He died. The family of Price Daniels
wanted Vicky to be convicted. They hired top lawyers. But with all the
evidences and testimony from other people(including baby sitters)who
witnessed the abuse, the jury Found Vicky Daniels NOT GUILTY and was awarded
custody of the children. But then, this is AMERICA. Vicky Daniels and I are
very fortunate to be in the US of A. Where battered women could have another
choice. Where women could call the police and be there for you. In the
Philippines they call this a "FAMILY MATTER." Police won't intervene. Who
can you call in PI? Even the press is scared they might get sued or worst
they might get killed. This is outrageous. In America, if a victim couldn't
get justice because of red tape, they use the press. Press is suppose to be
the voice of the people. But then again, I do understand the situation in
PI.
If the abuse really happened to Carlson, where would she go? She was
emotionally unstable NOT because she's in drugs but because she was a
battered wife. Carlson tried to get in contact with her loneliness, her own
abyss of uncertainty, her own abuse and impatience. She probably never knew
anymore the kind of pain she felt during those times of solitude. No escape
because there's no divorce in PI.And in PI when you are a woman who's
separated from your husband, a lot of people tend to degrade you some more
and would look at you like a leper. Then you would see people at church
whispering. taunting and my God! The SMIRKS from their faces. I am talking
about people who are HOLIeR than THOU. we have a lot of those in PI. Life to
Carlson was probaly an ongoing war against unseen usually undefined enemies.
Her own naivete was her own enemy. She was not strong enough (Can't blame
her for this)or who knows, she just gave it up. She had mixed emotions I
believe that. She had contradictory thoughts and emotions, self pity and
anger and HURT and HATRED and tenderness at the same time at the thoughts of
her children.A burst of affection followed by a stab of disgust. She had no
chance to voice out any of them to anybody. Just bits and pieces and no one
knew the HURT she had inside. This is a strange land. Sun never stops
shining. birds keep on singing. Teresa was so young to die. But she was
probably unhappy. Probably, she was tired. She wanted to go so far away.
Another place she never saw. She needed ETERNAL REST.
I am sorry this letter is very long. But I am so touched about the story
written about her. And the other women in PI who can never get out of the
abuse because they are poor. If there's anything I could do to help,
please email me...
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