Author:
EKMBBC Captain Leon Harrison, G.C.M.
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Date Posted: 21:27:35 09/18/09 Fri
EKMBBC Capt. Leon Harrison, G.C.M.
EKM Buckeye Bureau and Harlan County Battalion Ohio Outpost
West Carrollton, Ohio
Friday, September 18, 2009, 6:25 p.m.
“If I survive at Caesar’s Creek this weekend…”
Dear General Clay:
I hope that I survive four battles, this weekend, at Caesar's Creek, Ohio. I may run out of gunpowder but can resupply in KY, and get more from the Harlan County Battalion Quartermaster Corps. Today, I had tree people trim three trees and remove big old bushes/a hedge for me, spending $600 on this nonsense instead of investing in more bullets or buying another gun for fun. A few of my older friends and I have started shooting guns...and pricey bullets...again! None of us have been legally allowed to shoot outside around here during the past forty years. Yes, another habitually happy hobby, but still cheaper than hanging out with airplane, car, horse, motorcycle and boat folks, I guess. Reenacting is more sensible and better for educating the village children. I may miss that Friday Education Day [Oct. 23], at Leatherwood, because of my WCPD Academy cop class that Thursday night. Although, I might either drive down directly afterword or leave reeeeaaallllllyyyy early that Friday morning. We shall see. You are so lucky in Kentucky, where you can still shoot box after box after box after box of bullets into the hills and the dirt and it doesn’t even financially hurt.
I’ve got enough gasoline inside the tank of my loaded little HHR car so that I can go far, at least as far as Caesar’s Creek. After I mowed my back yard and worked real hard, I sat at my dining-room table/desk and polished my brass, i.e., buttons, buckles and hat horn to be worn with my warm woolen Union-blue uniform. I finish drying my second final load of laundry as I try to type and attempt to write. CBS’s once-pretty once-perky Katie Couric entertains me while she smiles and reads the news and someone else’s views on my TV screen. At nine o’clock tonight, Michael Savage will interpret the news for us on his talk-radio show. Now, I see competing advertisements against or for Issue Three, trying to entice us voting folks to vote for or against allowing casinos in the state of Ohio, like ya know.
Hey, Chuck and I drive to Indiana to invest in the Powerball lottery, but only because of and for the sake of the village children and their education and the nation, like we do with the MegaMillions lottery in Ohio. During our last trip, I was much disgusted by Chuck and Luther, because they wanted me to shoot digital images of pretty Miami University coeds, who were walking around on the sidewalks and streets of downtown Oxford, Ohio, and the campus. Yes, there were more attractive young college girls there than we had seen almost anywhere, even at the Moron City Awful House or around all the plats and plazas of West Carrollton combined, not that we complained or whined or cared or compared them there. My older friends may make me take my best 24X zoom camera with us the next time, while we once again slowly drive around Oxford town and the Miami U. campus again, and again, and again. I was disgusted by their boorish chauvinistic crude primitive sexist suggestive behavior so much that I might even refuse to drive or ride with them the next time…or to let one of them use one of my zoom-lens cameras during our next trip Powerball trip to Liberty.
Last Sunday afternoon, after hanging around with Ma Coon, uh…The Queen Mama, uh…The Queen Mother, uh…My Dear Old Mama Who had to vote for Obama, I rode my bicycle between Trotwood and Brookville on the bikeway rail trail…the nice level paved bikeway that replaced an old railroad line that had carried passengers and cargo a century ago: trains pulled by coal-burning steam engines until the big war, after which they were seen and heard no more. LTC Debra Harrison, my second and youngest sister, is currently serving in Kuwait, with the US Army, a safer more secure if no secular and sexist sector than Iraq, where she was ambushed and attacked a couple of times, earning a Purple Heart after being wounded too. Mom and I shall start filling up care packages for her again, as we used to do a few years ago.
Paul D., I don’t want to miss any of my remaining five West Carrollton Citizens Police Academy classes, having attended five of them for three hours during the past five Thursday nights. I have been taking notes and digital images. Last night, I left to ride around, with two classmates and a police officer in a police cruiser. I took my little camera but left the case and spare battery behind; causing me to soon cuss and fuss when the battery went dead and I missed good photos of us trying out a laser speed-detector device that can also measure distances to reflective targets. Last night, we rode around town with three different police officers in three different cruisers, before going back to finish the class on traffic accidents and accident reconstruction. That’s not very professional, neglecting if not forgetting to always take a spare battery with your camera with the case, just in case. What a mistake and a waste.
After existing here, during these past 28 years, I shall have to honestly admit that most of those folks in the academy and at the police department are still strangers to me; none being young single healthy wealthy pretty friendly female ones, with whom to have some fun, with or without guns. Well, at least this weekend, I might at least meet and mingle, if not date and mate, with some nice polite civilized spoiled white suburbanite house mommies, whether or not they voted for Obomy, while posing and playing with their cute little brats, uh…village children, before they turn into dependent Democrats.
During the past 40 or so years, I fear that most of the aviation, communication, military and law enforcement stuff that I learned and used to do and use has become ancient, if not obsolete and outdated, with progress and technology. It used to seem so much easier in so many ways, when I was young and dumb with no or low income without any real college knowledge. Well, at least you and I and Colonel Cornett are all retired and can no longer be fired…except maybe by spouses inside your houses.
Once again, old friend, thank you for inspiring me instead of firing me, from my prestigious position as the Buckeye Bureau Chief of East Kentucky Magazine, and causing me to start writing instead of quickly replying to your email that got this started. I have a brand-new never-used size 48 Union junior officer frock coat for sale, reasonably cheap, because I and that sutler guy [at Mansfield, Ohio] ordered it the wrong damned size! He was too busy selling other stuff and did not measure me, letting me guess after trying on other coats. Tomorrow morning, I’ll take it to the Pioneer Village encampment, with my other reenactor stuff, and try to sell or trade it or give it to a sutler to sell for me with a commission, like I did with Kacey and that last formal uniform. This time, I’m keeping the trousers and the kepi and shoulder boards. Last week, I bought a third but smaller Hawken-type rifle for new Union recruits and for visiting children to pose with, while wearing my cheap Chinese kiddy kepis on their little heads, instead of good but expensive kepis and real-deal reproduction Springfields. I have less than one full can of gunpowder left, having filled up two cartridge boxes with cartridges. I will probably shoot them all up during four battles, especially if I supply my fellow reenactors and new recruits. I may or may not use my pistol, depending on what Lt. Davidson and the men of the fighting 48th OVI decide. I usually walk on and fall in with them during our annual LM&M Railroad encampments and train-robbery rides and reenactments, and at the annual battles of Sharon Woods at the Heritage Village Museum, whereat you ought to seem ‘em with me, you see.
General, in case you had not suspected or heard, I copied and pasted this to WORD, where I can immediately see my misspellings in read, uh…I mean “red”, without surprise or dread, instead of more or less typing on line, rather than waiting for at least one day before I send it away…as I usually do, or may, someday. This weekend, I shall no doubt see and reenact with Colonel Cornett, our esteemed EKM Columbus Correspondent. Recently, I have been relearning about how to shoot directly at paper targets with bullets, instead of deliberately trying to miss them by aiming to shoot above them; as I am supposed to start shooting toward but over the heads of my Confederate-enemy friends this weekend. They never fall down anyway, whether they are supposed to lose or get shot or not. Damn! Instead of wasting $600 on those bushes and trees, I could have had a lot of fun, with or without guns, and even got me a Duke of Hazard Suite room at The Boone. Oh, if the barracks/dormitory is full up at the Stuart Robinson Campus [reserved, couples and families first], I can do that! It would not hurt some of those Boone babes and beauties and Hazard honeys to get into and even wear some hooped skirts and look real good at Leatherwood. Well, Paul D., these three pages are good enough for me, if not for you and for East Kentucky Magazine. I’ll see you next month, old friend, and we’ll get together and to it all again.
Hhhmmm…If I do my usual dramatic brave courageous heroic noble valiant handsome-young-wounded-warrior performance on Col. Cornett’s operating table, those compassionate empathetic sympathetic womenfolk may get all romantic and warm and wet with sweat without boyfriends or husbands or regrets. For this, I ought to be an officer, my pretty form-fitting blue uniform adding to the action and the passion…and maybe even to my manly attraction, with all of those pretty shiny brass buttons and those two embroidered shoulder boards.
Michael Savage comes on at nine o’clock; so I’ve got to email this to you and to all before preparing my nightly poor-man’s sauna bubble bath: within which I shall sit and listen to his informative, educational entertaining talk-radio show, between reading chapters of Harold Coyle’s good Civil War book, “Look Away”, with which I am almost finished. Such and similar good Civil War books prepare me for encampments and reenactments, and thereby put me in the mood, to either smooch with cute Confederettes or to shoot at rebels. And any or many of my literary mistakes merely enable me to make more recycled cartridge papers. I suppose that it is good when people [and I] do more reading than breeding.
Sincerely Yours,
EKMBBC Captain Leon Harrison, G.C.M.
EKM Buckeye Bureau Chief, Duke of Hazard and Appalachian-American Ambassador
EKM Buckeye Bureau and Harlan County Battalion Ohio Outpost
West Carrollton, Ohio a.k.a. the Center of Western Civilization and our nation
---- General Cassius Marcellus Clay wrote:
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> Dear Capt. Harrison,
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> The Harlan County Battalion is great need of your services for the Black Gold Parade. It may be that we shall ride on a Flatbed with the usual display of appropriate Float Period Correct Stuff, if that should not happen then we shall march firing at the enemy along the parade route. I assume ye received the dispatch from the Medical Corps, concerning Education Day at Leatherwood? I do feel so terribly bad that you will lose your leg once again, but I am indeed proud of the sacrifices that you, a good Union soldier, have made for the Republic.
>
>
> Your obedient servant,
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> Gen. C.M. Clay
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"If I survive at Caesar's Creek this weekend..."