Author:
Duplicate Dawg (Desperate for $)
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Date Posted: 13:15 07/05/09 Sun
(posted on, RichardHowe.com )
Local Newspaper Solves Financial Woes
Posted by DickH on 02 Jul 2009 at 08:43 pm | Tagged as: Lowell-2009, Technology
After much effort and experimentation, the local newspaper has finally discovered the key to its long-term financial viability. Mandatory furloughs, elimination of corporate 401K contributions, staff layoffs, declining subscriptions, evaporating advertising revenue and all the other seemingly insurmountable challenges of the past year have been swept away by this incredible example of journalistic innovation.
To what, you wonder, does the local newspaper owe this financial renaissance? Pet Memoriams. For just $25 for a 2×2 piece, or $40 for 2×4, bereaved pet owners throughout the Merrimack Valley are now able to share their grief with the entire newspaper buying community.
And because the crafting of these memorials will be the product of trained, unbiased, professional journalists whose work will be held to the highest standards of ethics and exactitude, this service will be a game-changing financial windfall that will be emulated by other publications around the world.
So congratulations to the Dutton Street brain trust for this remarkable achievement.
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Lowell Sun attempts to resolve its own financial problems via Pet Memoriams
