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Subject: My dyslexic downfall Author: K.Brooks [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 16:49:18 04/04/08 Fri Hello, I am 30 now and was diagnosed with dyslexia in the 3rd grade. So, I was in the learning disability classes from 3rd-graduation. My dyslexia issues are, my spelling, slow reader and I have a hard time sounding out words that I don't know. Anyway, I am writing today because I kind of found something about myself this week and wanted to know if any of you have similar thoughts or experiences. Growing up I found myself becoming more and more timid to voice questions or concerns. Now, I'm not really that shy or timid when I have my own opinion or if I know than answer, I will say it. For example, in school when the teacher would ask the class a question, even if I thought I may know the answer, I wouldn't raise my hand or if the teacher asked if there were any question and I did have one, I would not ask, all in the fear of thinking someone would think I was stupid, so I just stayed quite. If a teacher called on me in class or if I had to do something or answer a question that I wasn't sure about, I would second guess myself all the time (and I still second guess myself, I don't have the confidence in my own decision making and look to others to justify my decisions). I did this all in school, in college and now I am a police officer, so I did it in the academy as well. The other day, I was out on a traffic stop with another officer. I was on the passenger side. The driver went to get his registration, well when he opened his glove compartment, I could see what looked like a gun. I went to open the door, but is was locked. He looked up at me and put his hands up. Well, then I could see that it was just a clear toy gun. Well, the other officer didn't know it was a toy and only saw the handle of what looked like a gun and did the right thing and got him out of the car. What I should have done was told the other officer that there was a toy gun over here, but I didn't say anything. After the stop, I was just very bothered by the fact that I didn't say anything, knowing that I should have and I wondered and started to think why I did this. Well, this is what I came up with. I knew it was a toy gun, the guy knew it was a toy gun. I second guessed myself, my training and my decision process without consciously knowing it. After doing so deep thinking, I didn't want to yell out "gun" (what we were suppose to do) because I knew it was fake, he knew it was fake and if I yelled out gun, he may think I was dumb and when the other officers found out it was fake and think I was dumb (if it was real, it would be a diff. story.) All my life I have been hiding my dyslexia, so I kept my thoughts, questions, self validations and decision making to other people all because I didn't want people to think I was "stupid." I've been doing this for so long it has just become my nature. If I'm going to be honest, I for the most part I knew I had a problem, but I just didn't know why. I knew I didn't have a low-self esteem or depression or social issues or anything like that, I just didn't know why I was so timid or scared to ask question, make decisions or voice my concerns. However, after the gun thing the other day and started to think about things, I now really think my dyslexia is the root of all these issues. I know this, my mom use to say when I was a little kid, I was bold and out spoken. As I got older, she said I became "a big chicken." I now think I became more timid as I got older because I just started to see that I was different and had to hide it and this is were I started to move into my current state of mind. I now even think now, one of the reasons I became a police officer is to validate myself. People have to listen to the police (for the most part) and if they have to listen to me, then I can be that "stupid." However, not clearly knowing I had these issues. My question is has anyone had some of the same issues (minos the gun story haha) or does anyone have any thoughts about my story? Thank you so much for listening (or reading)! [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: lee [Edit] Date Posted: 12:05:46 04/07/08 Mon YES yES yES I would guess your story is just like every other dyslexic persons out there, I know it is just like mine. But the thing i have found is no one wants to admit it. I think if no one admits it. how can we fix it? I thank you so much for telling your story, I would bet that if you look close enough, you would find super natural talents that most people dont have. Like wrighting storys, painting, or being able to fix any thing that may be broken. Just to name a few. Be very proud of who you are, and all that you can and will do. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: andrea bell [Edit] Date Posted: 19:31:38 05/18/08 Sun I have dyslexia. I would like to become a police officer how did you do it [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: steve [Edit] Date Posted: 13:34:10 06/06/08 Fri Have you been given an answer? if not are you in the uk or else where in the world? Steve [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> [> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: K [Edit] Date Posted: 01:18:48 07/13/08 Sun I don't really have an answer. I keep telling myself that I am smart and that God gave me the gift of imagination, personal thought and opinion and that can't be wrong. It is still very hard for me to speak up in front of people, but I just keep telling myself that "this is my opinion and my thoughts and it may not be right and it may not be wrong, but hey who are you!" :-) I just try not to care (key word, try). I am in the USA and I wish I would have gotten the help that I needed when I was younger, now I am 30 trying to find the courage to speak up. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> [> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: k [Edit] Date Posted: 01:49:18 07/13/08 Sun Hello Andrea, Sorry it took so long to reply, yikes. I am a Police Officer in Charlotte, NC (CMPD) great department! But, to answer your question...I do have dyslexia and it is a struggle everyday, as you read. But, as for the academy, it was for the most part just like school. It is a lot of work and a lot of studying. However, with the dyslexia, it wasn't anything from different from high school or college. You just have to read the material and study and take your time on the test. I did tell the academy staff that I did have dyslexia and they were more than happy to help me in anyway they could. However, when it came down to it, I didn't need any extra help. But, they where willing to have people read me the test, give me extra time on the test, let me take the test in another room, they were very understanding. Honestly, when you tell someone you have a learning disability, by law they have to provide you with the help. But, I know you may be thinking they may hold it against you, let me tell you, if you can get it done, that's all they care about! Dyslexia doesn't make someone a bad cop and because you make need help with the test, I mean, that has nothing to do with how you kick ass on the streets! Go for it! It's a great job and you will have fun with it. Everyday is different and you will NEVER, see the same thing twice. It maybe the same call, I.E. domestic, Assaults, DWI's, fights, etc, but the people involved will never be the same as the last. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of crap and people will flat out tick you off, and you will think "I didn't know someone would do something so dumb or how someone could do something so curl to someone else" but, when they call my call sign, 22-1202, I just never know what's coming my way. Oh, and no boss hanging over your back seeing what your doing! If you have anymore questions about Police work, please feel free to ask. One think you will learn with Police, is that when you are in, you are family! Good luck with your journey in Law Enforcement and with this ongoing dyslexia thing :-) Kenan [ Post a Reply to This Message ]

[> Subject: Re: My dyslexic downfall Author: Don Mason (You are not alone !) [Edit] Date Posted: 05:44:10 08/16/08 Sat I read your letter and wanted to share some thought and personal experiences that I have dealt with. I didn’t find out until I was 38 that I had a multiply variety of learning disabilities. School wasn’t a friend of mine, matter a fact it was years of torment and hell. At first I never thought that I had a problem because I moved from Georgia to New England . When the Yanks made fun of me I thought they couldn’t handle my southern drawl. Then one day a grammar teacher started yelling at me telling me I don’t pay attention. I was trying the best I could. Another teacher discouraged me with her words that I have a problem communicating. I believed I expressed myself quite well. Apparently not, I started noticing that I had a difficult time expressing myself in front of adults. I found myself not good at arguing. Matter a fact, I could express myself well in my mind, but I could not articulate my words out loud! There seemed to be a disconnect between my brain and the physical talk of my thoughts. A lot of times I new exactly what I wanted to say but couldn’t get it out smoothly. Like you, I was a police officer but I worked for the railroad. My territory was spread out over hundred of miles. Most of the time I worked alone. I may have been going into a freight yard at 0200 hours in the morning chasing a gang of Hispanics who were breaking into freight cars or doing a suicide investigation 30 miles away. I worked constantly. They never put freight yards in the good part of the city it was most of the time surrounded by the ghettos. A normal work week was 7 days a week, 12 hours a day. Plus the job was intertwined with bad politics. Have you heard the negative expressing, you been “railroaded” . I hated the job but the money was twice that of any other police department in the State of Mass. I had a lot of problems on the job, starting with report writing. I was terrible at spelling and grammar. A report would take me hours. And I may have had 3 to 7 incidents a day so my free time I spent correcting reports. If I made an arrest at night, I was signing my own warrants in the morning and staying at court to appear at the show cause hearing. I handled all the court procedures. I battled with lawyers who were experts in reading and writing. I didn’t understand a lot of the big words they used, nor was I good at interpreting their legal jargon. Did they say unclear or nuclear? One of my strategy I would make them explain every word I didn’t understand. The bigger the words they would use the more I would make them simplify until I could understand what they were asking. This procedure would frustrate these lawyers. Finally they would stop cross examining me. But I took my lumps! When you went to school the teachers had a better understanding on how to work with dyslexic students. For me this was different, there was no such thing as the word “dyslexic”. We were just considered as being slow and difficult students. But I was a lot smarter than my peers. I just had a difficult time expressing myself , reading and writing. Because I couldn’t read this destroyed my confidence in front of the other students. I knew the answers for the test but could not write the answers. Nor would they give me extra time taking the test or allow me to explain the answers out loud. Spelling B’s were the worst. I was last to be picked on a team. Humiliated by the good spellers, who would make remarks about me being unable to spell and being dumb under their breath. ( They wouldn’t say it too loud because I was one of the toughest kids in the school, they were afraid I would kick their ass!). The horror, I was the last chosen and the first to sit. So I would sit while the game played on. The humiliation was tremendous because I knew that I wasn’t stupid just different then the other students, maybe smarter. No one understood my condition; teacher labeled me as being dumb. This dyslexia is a invisible handy cap and it does imprison us. It’s difficult for us to express ourselves like others. But you are not alone. I know the suffering you deal with. Because I have dealt with it for 54 years! But It did not stop me from completing my goals. It just took me a lot longer. An it is painful. But we are men and we learn to deal with this pain. Its not easy but its part of our make up. It’s the card game of life and dyslexia are the cards you and I have been dealt with. Remember this always stay in the present. Never give up and there is always another day. Its not our fault that we were born with this. Through our weaknesses they will see our strengths! Good luck and don’t beat yourself up on this problem because you are not alone! Sincerely Don Mason P. S. I am no longer a police officer believe it or not I am now a science teacher not bad for a dyslectic who hated school! [ Post a Reply to This Message ]