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Date Posted: 11:27:45 07/24/12 Tue
Author: .....
Subject:

Harmy Awards Presentation - Most Far-Fetched, Preposterous Scene or Plot Device

“Attention, everyone,” Araninda calls out. “We are starting the final three Harmy Award presentations.” Usmgrad taps her on the shoulder. “What do you want me to do with this? she asks, holding out a tarnished gold squat lamp. “Where did you get that piece of junk?” Araninda asks.    “The gorilla gave it to me backstage," usmgrad replies. "He said he used it while writing the series. Do you. . . .gasp. . . .think Harm is inside?”    “Harm is not inside a lamp. He’s inside all of our minds,” Araninda assures her. “Wait a minute. The gorilla said he used it while writing the series? That’s strange. I don’t remember any JAG lamp although we shippers thought Harm needed to see the light sooner in his relationship with Mac.” Araninda takes the lamp from usmgrad and examines it. On the bottom is a stamped warning: “This Lamp has been Rated PG by the Magic Lantern Producers of America. Parental guidance suggested.” Well, Araninda thinks, I’m entering my second childhood so I’d better rub while I have the chance.

And so she does rub the lamp and with a moan and a squeak, a short, dumpy woman squeezes out wearing balloon pants, curly shoes, a gypsy top and too much eye makeup. “Gracious, are you a genie?” Araninda exclaims. “Honey, I ain’t the tooth fairy,” the woman wisecracks. The genie begins twisting to and fro, trying to see her backside. “Is this South Beach? I need a diet plan. After a hundred years in that lamp, I’ve put on a few pounds.”   “Wow!" Araninda shouts, interrupting the genie’s gyrations. “Do I get three wishes?”    “You and Aladdin, always wanting wishes! Honey, I’m retired and living in the lamp until there’s an opening at the old genie’s home. I’m not sure my powers work anymore. But you can try making a wish if you want.”

Araninda didn’t hesitate. “I want to go to dinner with a handsome Naval officer.” The confused genie stares at her. It is definitely a strange wish. But then she looks around the ballroom at the sea of blue boas and realizes there are a lot of strange things going on here. “Ok, I’ll try.” Clank! (The genie is a bit rusty after a hundred years in the lamp). Suddenly the scene appearing before them is Mac going to dinner with Mic Brumby after he prosecuted her for the murder of her husband. (the first nomination in this category).

“Hey, I did it!” the genie cheers. “I didn’t think I still had it in me.”   “But this isn’t what I want!” Araninda cries.    “Sorry about that,” the genie contritely replies. “Try another wish. I’m getting my groove back now.” Araninda decides to be a bit more generic. “I wish to be a beautiful woman and in love.” Ca-ching! The genie makes a noise like a cash register. She is still trying to recall all her supernatural sounds, so she improvises. And, in a flash, the scene appearing before them is Mac and Webb in a romantic relationship. (the second nomination in this category). Araninda glares at the genie. “This is not right either,” she finally says.

“Give me another chance,” pleads the genie. “Spells are the first thing to go, you know.”    “Ok, here’s something specific,” Araninda asserts. “An intensive bedroom romp, but not Mac and Webb!” Bing, Bing! The genie is getting better with her sounds, but unfortunately not with her spells as the scene appearing in front of them is AJ finding Meredith in bed with the Italian professor. (third nomination) “This is not what I want!” Araninda shouts. “This is not even the man I want. I want Harm. . . . now!” The genie pulls a Geniephone out of thin air and taps into the online Geniepedia. “Here he is. . . . Harm. Wow, he is gorgeous. Hmmm, how about I set you up marrying Harm? Abracadabra and all that jazz!” Instantly before them appears the fake marriage scene of Harm and Catherine Gale. (fourth nomination)

Araninda stomps her foot. “Get back in that lamp! I am returning you to the gorilla. Now we know how he wrote the show, especially the last few pod years!”    “One more chance,” the genie pleads. “I can fulfill a wish for children with Harm. . . Well, not the fun way of course. You see, he gains guardianship of this teenager named Mattie. But they don’t live together. She lives down the hall in an apartment with Coates. . . .” (the final nomination) The genie’s voice trails off as Araninda waves her arms and points to the lamp. The genie is sucked back inside, to return in another hundred years to torment another shipper community through whatever form of entertainment media and gorilla are around at that time.

The Harmy Award for the Most Far-Fetched, Preposterous Scene or Plot Device (other than this thread) is Harm gaining guardianship of Mattie and her sharing an apartment with Coates. The person who nominated the winner is CorinneH and she receives a happily ever after evening with Harm with no genie and no gorilla.

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Replies:

[> Haha! Love the idea of the bad genie coming up with all these scenes! Congrats CorrineH! -- JJ Ronda--first to post for a change!, 22:06:43 07/24/12 Tue

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[> What a howl!! Araninda, you're a genius at this. Congrats to CorrineH. -- jenks, 06:03:11 07/25/12 Wed

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[> First of all let's be clear on one thing - The gorilla GAVE me the lamp, I DID NOT GIVE the lamp to the gorilla! Now that we have the clear, this was hilarious! I am SO GLAD this creative mind is being used for good instead of evil. Maybe if that genie had her own blue boa things might have turned out different. Congrats CorrineH have a wonderful time with Harm. -- usmgrad, 08:47:31 07/25/12 Wed

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[> ROFLMAO!! Great Job! Congrats CorrineH! Have a great time with Harm at the Manly Arms!! -- Cathy F., 09:51:24 07/25/12 Wed

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[> Congrats, CorinneH! I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time with Harm (if you can keep the gorilla out of the way.) LOL -- Lee - Someone's imagination has run away with her, but I'm enjoying these presentations so much that I can hardly wait until the next one., 15:51:31 07/25/12 Wed

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[> Well who knew I would have an evening with Harm? And, of course, I've had coughing and sneezing fits all day long. inside -- CorinneH, 18:31:28 07/25/12 Wed

Perhaps he can come provide some TLC or at least provide some wonderful stories about his flying and lawyering adventures and bring a huge box of tissues with him.

I just always thought the Gorilla really screwed up on that strange story (which wouldn't fly past any social agency I know), so I'm glad others had the same feeling.

Now, just to get into some comfy jammies and await a visit from the most incredible aviator it has been my pleasure to know (at least on the tiny screen) (my cousin's husband was also really cool, but he wasn't Navy).

Everyone, stay cool out there in this heat wave and think happy thoughts of Harmon Rabb Jr. without the gorilla trying to get his face in the picture!

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[> Another stellar, hilarious presentation! I've loved them all, but this just might be my fave. Congrats, CorinneH! I hope your time with Harm made you feel better! -- Dee, 11:04:19 07/27/12 Fri

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