| Subject: Beauty Queens |
Author:
.
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Date Posted: 15:37:10 12/08/05 Thu
You know you're a beauty queen when:
You know the difference between a crown and a tiara
When you watch a coronation on television, you can guess the diameter and
height of the crown.
You have 10 crowns collecting dust in your attic, and 30 more in a glass
showcase in your living room.
You own 2 pairs of taupe leather pumps.
You have won a swimsuit competition thanks to glue.
You think 5-inch acrylic heels go with everything.
You always stand in model stance.
Your coach has never caught a football.
Your body was designed by Mike.
You have every issue of Pageantry magazine, but have never bought a single
copy.
Diet Coke is the breakfast of champions.
You watch a televised pageant and have the winner, and all four runner-ups
picked from introductions.
You have a platform, but have never stood on it.
You have practiced your "winning reaction" in the mirror.
You paid more for your evening gown than for your car.
You know the names and homestates of the last ten Miss Americas, Miss USAs,
Miss Teen USAs and Miss Universes.
You postponed your wedding due to a pageant.
You do your modeling routine in your sleep.
Your western wear doesn't include jeans.
You consider a week long pageant short.
Your wedding! party consisted of fellow contestants.
You have been serenaded on stage by a gay man in a tuxedo.
Your headshot looks like an oil painting.
You have an oil painting... of yourself, in your sash and crown.
You have a runway in your garage.
Your teeth aren't just white, they are porcelin.
You have been winning photo contests since the age of 3.
Three suitcases for a vacation is considered "packing light."
You have perfected "elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist."
You have bought an entire competition wardrobe at a trunk show.
You have been in more parades than Mickey Mouse.
You have an entire scrapbook dedicated to each one of your titles.
You put your hands on top in the winner's circle.
You have seen every pageant movie ever made.
Your Christmas cards are autographed headshots of yourself.
Your hair stylist, dentist, trainer, and coach are on speed dial.
You consider RHINESTONES ! to be a girl's best friend.
You really do want world peace
Happy Holidays to contestants, directors, and other fans!
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