[ Edit | View ]
Date Posted: Wednesday, January 09, 2013, 06:43: pm
First, I appreciate the comments you made, since they help in processing my own experience.
Before I make my other comments, though, I would like to indicate my handling of enemas on my own, maybe so you can see I am way off in my thinking, or that the effects are understandable. Even though not making logical sense, in my own psychological mind (and emotional can dominate analytical) there were always the "perfect" kids that emotionally as a kid I felt took them and had no reaction, while I had that strong reaction; later, others who looked a bit like them, that increasingly became a vastly smaller, but a non-zero part of the population. I would occasionally (not frequently) give myself an enema - with the exception of the one time I mentioned and then later as I'll mention - and then throw the enema bag away, in part because I felt in the replication I had the tremendous discomfort of bag height, air in the tube, room temperature water, and very few stops. In my mind, why couldn't I train myself to take an enema like I emotionally felt the "perfect" kids could. This happened from time to time. Then one time, remembering the time I took it as it should be administered, I got myself a new bag, and took one or two a day or every other day, for maybe about a month. In a large sense, taking many the way they should be given got me away from the feeling I had to take them, and I haven't had any since. It doesn't stop some of my thoughts though.
Now this is zero criticism of you and your wife taking frequent enemas, whether alone or on each other, or both. Let me suggest the psychological impact on you was much more enormous on you than it was on me, and totally unrelated to your correcting that you got enemas when sick and not on some random schedule.
Never having had a soapy enema, I nonetheless accept fully that it is tremendously uncomfortable, when something like ivory is used and it seems like a super solution of it. You are not alone in relating that by a long shot on this site; soap, if it is used at all, should be some small packet of castile presumably.
I know the tremendous discomfort of the bag being hung high; you don't need to convince me of that.
Then, for high pressure soapy enema to go into you and your having to continue taking it even while experiencing severe cramps - that process has to have been as horrible as you relate!
Not only that, but your mother also taking extreme enemas for constipation reinforces in your emotional mind that there is no out for that, and that it is not just your mother being tough on you.
So, every time as a kid you used the bathroom you see the bag hanging there, a reminder of what you have to endure when sick. There were probably many BMs you would have while you were thinking of that.
Okay, then you have your hospital experience with Miss Ryner, and it is exactly opposite (or nearly so, it sounds like you had some minor cramping, but then she stopped and let you pant it out). Much more than that, though, is the sexual stimulus in the anal area that this provided. I think view it as perfectly normal that you masterbated after your mother learned how to give you similar enemas.
So then you viewed it desirable to give yourself enemas, or give your wife enemas, or have her give you enemas, very often as a sexual release.
Perhaps reinforcing to this is that you probably give yourselves fairly thorough enemas, or enemas until clear. An implied, though not stated objective, of the childhood enemas was that what was inside you was thoroughly washed out. That could also be another psychological impact.
So you are in this mode, and you repeat it fairly often. However, I am also sure there must be times when these feelings recede in the background to other feelings and matters.
If we pursue this discussion, maybe we can handle this and impacts on other areas of one's life.
Again, I respect you very much for the openness you have shown.
[ Post a Reply to This Message ]