| Subject: Re: Effects: recognizing, accepting reactions, and addressing |
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My case
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Date Posted: 14:38:08 06/23/09 Tue
In reply to:
Fred4
's message, "Effects: recognizing, accepting reactions, and addressing" on 16:43:32 06/22/09 Mon
Hello all. I find this thread of some interest. I, like most others that visit this site, am a Klismophile. But, my story will add a little contrast and complexity as to the reasons we are here. Like most of us, I was given enemas as a child. Mostly in the early 60's. But, unlike many, my mother was not abusive at all. In fact, she was the most loving thing you could imagine. The ones I got were my fault because I was a "witholder". In those days enemas were a common thing in nearly every household. I do remember kicking and screaming the first few I got but by age 5 I was starting to enjoy them for reasons I didn't understand at the time. I even remember the bags my mother had. One was a Sears and one was a Rexall Victoria. I was given enemas bent over on the toilet and my mother never made me hold very much at a time. So, all the feelings were pleasant ones. Especially the lubricated nozzle being inserted. Being penetrated like that was a very personal and almost sexual feeling even though I was too young to understand. BTW, I am NOT gay in any form or fashion. I was an extremely shy child in general and especially about #2, and her enema bag had unbelievable power over this. I found the procedure very embarrasing and humiliating but I was not embarrased with her doing it. But, I would have been crushed if anyone else knew it was done to me. It was like if they found out, they might as well have been there watching. I remember having butterflies in my stomach when she told me she was going to give me an enema. I actually started to look forward to those special times when she would take me in the bathroom and give me one. And it was a special time. I think it actually helped make me and my mother very close being such a personal thing.
As I said, I was an extremely shy child and later in school I had related problems. My biggest fear was embarrasment or humiliation. I was in jr. high at the time. I absolutely hated having to get up in front of the class for oral book reports or anything of that nature. Well, as fate would have it, there were several girls that constantly picked on me and tried to embarass me. It never failed that if I tried to retaliate, I was the one to get in trouble and be further embarassed and humiliated. Also about this time hormones were kicking in. So, I put 2 and 2 together and took "mental revenge" or maybe you would say "mental relief". It's a fact that females especially are very secretive about #2. I knew that anything having to do with that would be very humiliating to them. I also knew about that "tool" of unbelievable power that gives no choies in the matter. The results are absolutely inevitable. So yes, I would masturbate and fantasize of giving these girls enemas and watching them lose control of their bowels. It was the ultimate humiliation and revenge for what they had done to me. Of course I would never hurt them or anyone else in real life. It's just not my nature. But, I turned something mentally painful into sexual pleasure which helped me cope.
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