| Subject: Re: Why do we do this? |
Author:
Fred4 to Richard
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Date Posted: 08:37:51 06/28/09 Sun
In reply to:
Richard to Fred4
's message, "Re: Why do we do this?" on 15:13:27 06/27/09 Sat
Richard, it may be part of the aging process, but for me that is not the main factor. What I find very helpful is taking apart what it is one feels - without judging yourself or saying to yourself that feeling should go away - and see (sometime not immediately) what else you might feel. I should also say I was not driven a lot (though some) to give myself enemas a lot in the first place, so that may have something to do with why I am not now.
Please excuse me if I am probing too deeply, but do you feel your desire to give women enemas was that as a kid you felt you were driven forcefully and not of your choice to have yourself cleaned out, and that you later felt that was something you wanted to do to women to whom you were attracted? Now, I infer from your post that you recently started here, you only give yourself enemas but still "as a life of its own".
I'll express a strange thought: Suppose you routinely keep on giving yourself enemas, but suppose you just think of them in a more mundane manner: you have stuff inside you and you simply are cleaning it out. I am not sure if that, or something else, may let you "think outside of the box" you are accustomed to doing - not rejecting the box you are thinking in, but thinking additional thoughts.
I've noted that my drive had been that I saw in my mind "perfect kids" or people who looked like those "perfect kids" who did not find enemas intolerable as I did as a kid. Fine. I later found in some cases that the bodily functions of the "look alikes" were no less smelly than mine, and in other cases realized it through my own thoughts. Also, a while back I anonymously wrote a couple of the "perfect kids" saying what my mind had created. They probably thought who could have sent this, and wasn't this crazy, so it didn't affect them at all. However, it was like a great step forward for me.
So, in summary, I think there may be things you can do that are in addition to the usual pattern that may help in getting away from that original pattern. I say "may", because maybe there are, maybe there aren't. It is a tough spot from which to move, but often there are some avenues available.
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