| Subject: Re: To Brandon |
Author: Fred4
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Date Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012, 09:27: pm
In reply to:
Brandon
's message, "Re: To Brandon" on Thursday, June 21, 2012, 12:31: pm
Brandon and Mac, a couple of things at the outset: I think this is a great, open discussion we are having, and I strongly appreciate your frankness; it also helps my insights to myself, which I also appreciate very much. Second, if in my making comments, you interpret something I say as insulting, it is definitely not intended to be so; instead it is processing feelings from my own perspective.
First, I feel I should not hide inner thoughts and feelings. This perspective I had of "perfect" people, looking like kids who told me as a kid they had no problem with enemas that I did, did follow me into adult life. While eventually I saw somewhere between 99.9% (all but one in a thousand) and 99.99% (all but one in 10,000) in a normal way of having a smelly elimination process as did I, and nothing further to it, there were always a rare few who I didn't. I envisioned them as either not having smelly BMs, or if I thought they were, they really weren't, and in any case, enemas like I got as a kid were never a problem for them anytime in their life. An admittedly crazy emotional picture, but that is what it was.
I would often ask myself whether I wanted to sexually act through with them on that basis. While at times my immediate thought would be yes, as I pictured such a process the answer would be no, at least in an anal related area. That's not saying what I ultimately felt was right for everyone, just right for me. That there is a sexual component to a male either about to take, or taking, an enema is fully understandable, since an erection seems to be a significant part of the process.
Sometimes, I can mentally get that 99.99% to equal 100%, which is an odd feeling. It's good to get there, but I'm not always sure how to deal with it.
For your thoughts and feelings, it seems that based on your childhood experiences, it was embedded in your emotions that it might be true that you did need periodic cleanouts (otherwise, why did you get them?). You then learned to do it yourself, and felt probably no harm (there might not be any); a real beneit: you did it yourself your way, controlled the process, and justifiably felt achievement in the end. So there would be times when you would do it often, but at the same token, take it so as not to be an excruciating experience (Brandon, your three quart enemas taken in the knee-chest position, as long as the water is warm, the bag is not too high, and you allow stops, sound manageable). Unlike you, though, several others who post on this site seem to feel that to meet their childhood-driven emotions, they should go through all sorts of uncomfortable contortions to get complete and total elimination; maybe not unreasonable at all given their childhood experience they have that emotional base, but that sounds like a really painful base to get through.
Indeed, because you got many more enemas than other kids, it was emotionally reasonable that you felt that being totally cleaned out was a good thing. If an enema was smelly, then after that it was no longer in your system, and indeed you were for a time free from that. It also provided good separation of what was body waste, which was negative, from the person, who wasn't. It's a way of distancing one's self from one's waste, which can be emotionally satisfying.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. They are just thoughts I had.
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