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Subject: Re: To Brandon Author: Fred4 [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012, 09:27: pm In reply to: Brandon 's message, "Re: To Brandon" on Thursday, June 21, 2012, 12:31: pm Brandon and Mac, a couple of things at the outset: I think this is a great, open discussion we are having, and I strongly appreciate your frankness; it also helps my insights to myself, which I also appreciate very much. Second, if in my making comments, you interpret something I say as insulting, it is definitely not intended to be so; instead it is processing feelings from my own perspective. First, I feel I should not hide inner thoughts and feelings. This perspective I had of "perfect" people, looking like kids who told me as a kid they had no problem with enemas that I did, did follow me into adult life. While eventually I saw somewhere between 99.9% (all but one in a thousand) and 99.99% (all but one in 10,000) in a normal way of having a smelly elimination process as did I, and nothing further to it, there were always a rare few who I didn't. I envisioned them as either not having smelly BMs, or if I thought they were, they really weren't, and in any case, enemas like I got as a kid were never a problem for them anytime in their life. An admittedly crazy emotional picture, but that is what it was. I would often ask myself whether I wanted to sexually act through with them on that basis. While at times my immediate thought would be yes, as I pictured such a process the answer would be no, at least in an anal related area. That's not saying what I ultimately felt was right for everyone, just right for me. That there is a sexual component to a male either about to take, or taking, an enema is fully understandable, since an erection seems to be a significant part of the process. Sometimes, I can mentally get that 99.99% to equal 100%, which is an odd feeling. It's good to get there, but I'm not always sure how to deal with it. For your thoughts and feelings, it seems that based on your childhood experiences, it was embedded in your emotions that it might be true that you did need periodic cleanouts (otherwise, why did you get them?). You then learned to do it yourself, and felt probably no harm (there might not be any); a real beneit: you did it yourself your way, controlled the process, and justifiably felt achievement in the end. So there would be times when you would do it often, but at the same token, take it so as not to be an excruciating experience (Brandon, your three quart enemas taken in the knee-chest position, as long as the water is warm, the bag is not too high, and you allow stops, sound manageable). Unlike you, though, several others who post on this site seem to feel that to meet their childhood-driven emotions, they should go through all sorts of uncomfortable contortions to get complete and total elimination; maybe not unreasonable at all given their childhood experience they have that emotional base, but that sounds like a really painful base to get through. Indeed, because you got many more enemas than other kids, it was emotionally reasonable that you felt that being totally cleaned out was a good thing. If an enema was smelly, then after that it was no longer in your system, and indeed you were for a time free from that. It also provided good separation of what was body waste, which was negative, from the person, who wasn't. It's a way of distancing one's self from one's waste, which can be emotionally satisfying. I don't know if any of this makes sense. They are just thoughts I had. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: To Brandon Author: Fred4 [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: Tuesday, June 26, 2012, 10:31: pm Brandon, I think the emotional impacts you got as a kid were enormous and are there because of the experience. (That is not to say they are wrong, or that you can somehow simply dispose of them - probably no way!) But it may be good to acknowledge those feelings exist and why. For six years as an impressionable youth (we all were impressionable in whatever may individually hit us!), your impressionable event was getting an enema about 8 times a year. It was presumably for chronic constipation, but was it, rather than for authority figures feeling that was something good for you? If it was so vital, why was it suddenly stopped when you reached puberty and would start getting perceivable erections? If vital, you could have been told how to give yourself an enema so an adult would not view your erection. In reality, you might ask yourself if you never took another enema (I'm not suggesting you stop doing so), would you be any less healthy? I could be wrong, maybe you do have some constipation condition, which makes the answer clear that you shouldn't stop. Seemingly contradictory, but no way should you stop simply because you recognize the historical emotional impact on you! However, it still was an emotionally ingrained experience. After starting on your own at age 15, later in life you increased your volume to 3 quarts (I infer you did, and had not received 3-quart enemas in your youth). Instead of 8 per year, you now do one or two per month. Thus, you more than meet the emotional standard of volume and frequency you set for yourself, to be more than what you experienced as a kid and perhaps more than in proportion to your size. That's still not "wrong"! Brushing one's teeth is vital to protect one's teeth; no reasonable person would say they shouldn't. Taking baths or showers is vital for self-esteem and acceptability to others. Getting good sleep is vital. Yet by no means am I knocking you or what you do. If I as a kid got the sort of enemas reasonable for a kid I wouldn't have put the idea of "perfect" kids and then later others that looked like them on a pedestal. Let me also say that if I had your experience, my reaction may likely have been exactly as yours, and maybe even stronger. So my advice is to accept what you feel and do, and don't try to change it. As you note, probably your colon cleanouts certainly do you no harm and may in some way even be healthy, especially if in fact you tend toward constipation, but not only necessarily if that is the case. Be kind to yourself and accept your feelings and actions, and maybe just occasionally look back on the source. Also, don't feel that there is anything "wrong" with you as a result - maybe advice I'm not qualified to give, but I'm sure it is good advice anywhay. [ Post a Reply to This Message ]