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Subject: A Real Choice


Author:
Westiny
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Date Posted: 00:56:45 06/09/09 Tue

What would really help all of us who have an unwanted pregnancy is for society to quit being a hyprocrit (and we're all guilty of that to come extent) and give women and couples a real choice. Instead of having to choose between the emotionally life-destroying choice of being parents when we don't want to be or aborting an unborn child, why can't the medical community work more extensively toward Fetal Adoption, Live Fetal Extraction & Incubation, and Artificial Womb technology.
How wonderful it would be to go to a doctor or clinic's office and have the unwanted child at the early fetal stage be taken from your womb and placed in the womb of a woman who wants the child! If this comes off as too "far out there", really think about it! No woman would have to go through unwanted childbirth and have the job of unwanted motherhood, women who want children would be more likely to be able to have them and the child (who is totally innocent) would not be aborted. When I was pregnant, it was literally soul-destroying to be told "congratulations" all the time and be told "it will all work out in the end" or "you'll get use to the situation like everybody else". Why is pregnancy, childbirth and childcare, as super difficult as these things can be, just assumed to be something to "congratulate" someone for? (Society has done this for so long and so automatically, that I don't even think we realize what the meaning is behind our words!) If a person is happy with the situation that is one thing, but many are not. And even though I had been married for 10 years when my birth control failed, it was over-whelming to be "congratulated on my pregnancy" just because I was married. Why is it assumed that when birth control tragically fails, that congratulations are in order. - Instead, we need to be able to talk freely and say "No, congratulations are not in order for this situation!" without being labelled in a negative way.

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Replies:
[> Subject: Re: A Real Choice


Author:
Kris
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Date Posted: 09:09:47 06/12/09 Fri

Westiny,

You bring up an interesting point - however, that's so "out there" and not within a rhelm of reality at this point in time. I read your post, and tried to figure out what you are really saying - you asked..."Why is it assumed that when birth control tragically fails, that congratulations are in order. - Instead, we need to be able to talk freely and say "No, congratulations are not in order for this situation!" without being labelled in a negative way."

I respond, that when b/c fails, I would still offer congratulations - I still believe they are in order for such a situation. You may not be happy about it at first, but if you recieved love and support from friends and family, you would hopefully realize that it is a blessing, not a curse to have the privilege to carry a child.

I think our society is too short sighted - consider the impact 5 years - 10 years - 20 years down the road. Should you give birth, this child will grow up, and be your son/daughter - what have you said to them, their value, their worth? How would you feel if your birth mother said such things about you?

You also commented that "Instead of having to choose between the emotionally life-destroying choice of being parents when we don't want to be or aborting an unborn child, why can't the medical community work more extensively toward Fetal Adoption"

"Life Destroying" - ??!! I can't imagine such an attitude - but I do say that if you feel a child destorys your life, you should do something permanent to avoid having one - get a tubal ligation for goodness sakes.

I would also contend that transplanting a baby before full gestation would have just as much emotional impact as abortion. Not to mention, what kind of awful experimentation would be taking place to reach such a goal?

Anyhow, Westiny, I think you should maybe seek counseling and deal with the strong negative feelings you have about childbearing.

Kris

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[> [> Subject: Re: A Real Choice


Author:
Westiny (Too Stereotypical)
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Date Posted: 06:09:06 06/24/09 Wed

That's the problem! The "Oh, it's still a cause for 'Congratulations' no matter what a woman or couple really want." & "They'll be happy once they go through the birth and see the baby and everything." keeps us stuck in a situation that obviously is just not working. (Otherwise, there would not be millions of abortions every year.) And it just makes common sense to understand that this doesn't work (I mean how, when you don't want children anyway or have children and don't want another, after giving birth can one all of a sudden be happier with the situation? - It makes no sense.) And yes, all of us have found many people saying just the 'right' things as "Yeah, even though this was unexpected or we never wanted children, we're really happy now." While that is sincere in many cases, there are also many cases where it's a lie and the mother or couples are stuck and they are simply saying what's expected of them to family and friends. With the limited ways of getting out of a mess like this, what else can someone get by with saying? If you protest the status quo, your feelings/comments get swept under the rug with "you need counseling" or "you must hate children," (yet those same people would probably never consider telling a person to get counseling or work on their negative feelings if they disliked being a plumber and decided to own a dry cleaning store instead, for example. - I never hear of post plumber's depression or post farmer's depression, for example!)
By the way, our child is over 20 years old, and we were and are very loving and caring parents. But if people would have taken a stand all those years ago, maybe we and so many others wouldn't have been stuck and could have had the family of our choice (just a married couple with no children in our case) and countless innocent unborn babies would not have been aborted while many women who wanted children could have received a baby transplanted to their womb. So it's more than past time to give up the platitudes that have kept society stuck and deal with the situation. [MEDICAL RESEARCHERS - ARE YOU LISTENING??? - Artificial Womb Technology or Embryonic Transplant - PLEASE!!!!!!!!]

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