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Subject: devastated

Mommy of Three
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Date Posted: 10:02:39 08/07/09 Fri

Hello, I didn't find anywhere else to post. I am 9 weeks 3 days pregnant.... something I wanted so badly. I had a great job and everything was going well. That was till 2 weeks ago....

I was the only one working in my family, but it was a great job and it got us by... I lost my job because I was out of FMLA time and my attendance was horrendous when my daughter was in the hospital and then I had a day of morning sickness... I went from makeing $50k a year to $0.00... with no savings.

Now I have a house and car I can't afford. Three kids I can't take care of. I live in a state where people are begging the state for unemployment extensions after their 72 weeks are up.... my husband has no job skills (even though he and I are both looking for jobs). People aren't going to hire me knowing I am pregnant... and its wrong to not let them know...

I wanted this baby so much. I was so excited when I found out. I was so amazingly happy about having a baby again (My older children are 16, 11, and almost 2 yrs)... I had everything. Now this pregnancy isn't fair to this baby. It isn't fair to my other children. And I don't know what I am going to do. I don't want to end it, I love this baby. But what other options are realistically out there? Especially since I have to be a responsible mother?....

I almost would rather just hurt myself... but then I leave 3 kids without a mother. I just don't know what to do anymore..

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[> Subject: Re: devastated

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Date Posted: 15:27:02 08/07/09 Fri

Hello, mommy,

I will tell you where you can get help in a minute, but first I want to address some other issues.

You are actually the mommy of four. You don't want an abortion. Therefore, it should be unthinkable. Which of your other three children would you harm because you are out of work?

What would happen to your children if you hurt yourself by getting an abortion and could no longer work? Abortion is dangerous and could kill you or leave you disabled.

Why isn't it fair to all your children for you to protect your youngest one? Killing your youngest one isn't fair. It's also not fair to your other children, who deserve a mother who isn't weighed down with the emotional aftermath of abortion. One way or another they will sense something is wrong. They will worry. If they find out, and they just might, they will either feel threatened (what if they don't measure up?) or they will feel survivor guilt.

Avail yourself of the help that you can, and hunt like crazy for another job. As for morning sickness, try sipping ginger tea. I'm also told ginger Altoids can be helpful. Some people find relief by eating a little watermelon, or by eating a couple of crackers before getting out of bed. Make sure you get enough protein, and don't eat or drink anything with artificial sweeteners or monosodium glutimate. Try to stay away from sugar, too. The doctor can also provide a medication that won't harm either of you. If necessary, go to the emergency room. They have to treat you, whether you can afford it or not.

You should be able to get unemployment for awhile, and you would be eligible for WIC. These should help considerably. Also, there are many other services available to you.

For the house and car, if necessary, declare bankruptcy. That will buy you some time, and if someone gets a job in the meantime, the court will work within your means.

Here is where you can get more help:


They can provide you with counseling, medical care, baby supplies, and getting signed up for available programs. Find an organization near you and contact them. Often, you can also get some help from the food bank. But if you are on WIC, you can still feed your children.

The truth is, in the short term, this baby really shouldn't cost you anything at all, and I'm talking about a couple of years at least. If you breastfeed, you won't have cost for food for awhile. Many communities have organizations that supply diapers. That will give you time. Things are very bad right now, but they won't stay like this. They will either get a lot worse, or they will get better. If they get worse, probably some things will change drastically in some way, and we can't really anticipate what that might be anyway.

Your tiny baby is depending on you for your protection. Please don't hurt your baby!

We will pray for you.


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[> [> Subject: Re: devastated

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Date Posted: 09:22:01 08/10/09 Mon

Dear Mommy,

Pat has given you a lot of good advice and pointers for help that's out there for you.

I'm sorry you've found yourself in the circumstances that you have, however, I want to also offer you some encourgement. I was in a similar situation 20 years ago.

I was unexpectedly pregnant with my second child and lost my job due to bad economic times. I did get unemployment, which helped, however, it was also difficult to job hunt when there were few jobs and I was pregnant. I did end up with a part time position for a short time, but that ended quickly, as the boss was nervous to have a pregnant woman around the office - he thought I would go into labor and he'd have to deliver the baby (ridiculous of course, but still he was the boss and he sent me home).

My point is, that things looked bleak - I drove a 59' VW bug with no AC, lived in a travel trailer on someone else's place and had a 18month old and was pregnant. My husband did have a job, but it barely paid the bills and we made $40.00/year too much to qualify for WIC.

Somehow, we got by - and there's nothing I would trade for my daughter.

Things can seem really bad, but there is ALWAYS a silver lining. The child you are carrying is "proof God wants the world to go on" - the child has a purpose and so do you.

There are a lot of agencies, churches and just plain good folks out there reaching out to help you - just find them.

We're here for you too!

Hugs, Kris

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[> Subject: To Mommy of 4

Diane Cheryl
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Date Posted: 01:40:28 08/11/09 Tue

Dear Mommy of 4-You are really a mommy of 4, one still in the womb. How are you doing? I hope you got my email a few days ago. Would love to hear back from you and hope you will join our group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unplanned_pregnancy_help/
Talk soon!

Diane Cheryl

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