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Date Posted: 13:02:55 12/09/02 Mon
Author: 今年今日百目鳥
Subject: 56. 可以笑

今年今日,可以笑

你可以吃,可以喝,可以說話,可以與朋友相聚,可以和漂亮的女孩子上街看電影,可以學這個學那個。你穿著華美的衣服,自己為自己買了一份渴望已久的禮物(一部數碼照相機,而且還是最新型號的Canon S45),亦收到別人送你的禮物-兩隻軟綿綿的玩具熊,為的是慶祝你的碩士畢業。沒錯你又畢業了,有一份還算不太無聊的工作,銀行的錢不多但夠你用。你能夠閱讀,也可以寫作,常常自以為是地替人寫些「文化文章」,竟出奇地也能賺回一點稿費。你幸運地能認識神,更幸運地可以上課學習祂的話語-最近半年,你甚至認為自己可以分辨聖靈的聲音。你聽道,也在「ok la」的範圍內行道。你出席弟兄姐妹的浸禮,你和他們去玩,你唱假音人的歌,覺得很過引,看到張如城尹光的MTV也會笑。你是可以笑的,也可以令身邊的人笑,但你總感到有什麼不妥。

絕望的是你實在知道為什麼不妥,而這種不妥是無法修補的,即使時間和愛情都不能。因為你的心已被無言的眼神穿透了,細小的裂縫不易察覺,卻確實存在。等待將來之日崩潰,那時你便會瘋狂,然後死。

2002/12/8

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