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Date Posted: 13:03:59 12/28/02 Sat
Author: 不過一剎百目鳥
Subject: 64. Lonely Christmas 06_The End,必需的平靜

06. The End,必需的平靜

當他從急症室走出來,2002年12月26日已經剛剛過去。天開始下雨,沒有雨具的他抬頭仰望,在街燈的迷惑下卻覺得那像是毛毛的飄雪。空氣應該是很冷的,從他口鼻中呼出來的長長的煙霞就可以知道,只可惜他不能將滿腔的鬱悶都跟著吐出。他慶幸囂鬧的聖誕節終於完結-旁人大概不會明白,他想避免麻煩追求平靜的決心有多大,大得甚至可以讓他付出幾乎任何代價。

他只會幹必需要幹的事情,例如將醉瘋的人帶進醫院,例如把受驚而多話的小朋友送走。書寫或許是一個特例-不!對他而言書寫也是必需的,否則他不能平衡那飽受世界滋擾的身心。好笑的是總會有人或叮嚀或拜託他多點照顧什麼人,或者為什麼團體作些什麼事之類。「難道我會像一個熱心過剩的人嗎?」他透過商店的櫥窗玻璃審查著自己的臉,然後斷定無論怎樣看,這張臉也是屬於一個只求自保的流亡者的。

如果在群體之中找不到難得的感動,就退回一個人的平靜裡去。他聆聽著自己的步聲,由光明的一端逐漸消隱,又成為都市那巨大陰影的其中一員。

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