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Date Posted: 23:26:02 02/17/03 Mon
Author: 一陣暈眩百目鳥
Subject: 78. 放浪不夠

放浪不夠

星期日我一個人,去了海邊。沒有堆沙,沒有創作,也沒有勞動擦損。我只是脫去了上衣,脫去了鞋襪,把慣於流亡的雙腳插在軟軟的沙裡,有大概句半鐘的時間停駐不動。

原來我要的只是一單位陽光,兩單位泥沙,半茶匙的海浪聲,當然還有手上捧著的,至高神智慧的話語。我不敢說我這就滿足,我只是回復了平靜。那些營營役役的追求,那些患得患失的半吊子幸福;微不足道的安定,轉瞬即逝的一時感動,全都在但以理書的千年預言中失去光輝。

依然是沒有方向。當我的目光從書本上移向遠方,只感到一陣暈眩。如果上帝覺得我放浪不夠,如果歲月的漂移仍難免蹉跎,那麼就讓黑海的流喪繼續,直至千年的塵埃累積成溫柔的地土。

只是眼前的景致太窄小了。我要尋找,一個更大的海洋。

2003/2/16

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