Author:
Kristen
[ Edit | View ]
|
Date Posted: 07/28/09 3:49pm
Thanks so much for the kind words, both of you. You're right, change is absolutely what life is all about and is thrown at you at the most unexpected of times. I think in my heart I want to keep this baby but it's my head, and the reality of the situation that I'm in, that's making me think twice (and three times, and four times...).
I currently live with a roommate in a large-ish, expensive city. I wouldn't be able to afford to live on my own without help, nevermind with an infant. Moving home is always an option, but like I said before, I'm 27 years old. Moving home is the last thing I want to do. I've got student loans from college that I'm still paying off, and some credit card debt. I'm also paying off a car. I keep wondering...is this really the environment I want to raise a child in?
I spoke to the father late last night, who lives in a different, but not significantly distant, city. We hadn't talked since the night this baby was conceived, and to his credit he didn't have a total meltdown. He was shocked of course, but he took it in stride. He does not want me to keep the baby, but is prepared to accept whatever decision I make - though he made it clear he would not be moving back to my city. He "has given up too much and come too far" to come back here. As if I woudn't be giving anything up to raise a child...
But he said he would never turn his back on me, no matter what.
I don't know what to do. I think my heart says keep it but there are so many factors that would prevent this child from having absolutely everything in this world that he or she deserves. I can't help but think it's irrisponsible to bring a baby into the world without being absolutely prepared to give it the best of everything.
|