| Subject: Re: Child not wanted by father |
Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 03/31/09 7:20pm
In reply to:
Jennifer
's message, "Child not wanted by father" on 03/31/09 5:31pm
Hi Jennifer,
Wow! First welcome to the forum, and second I sure wish I could give you a hug right now.
My own two cents: good for you for being strong and refusing an abortion you knew was wrong. Also - I think it's plain that having this baby will not in the least hurt your daughter, nor would placing him or her for adoption if explained to her the gesture of love that is to the baby and the inexpressible gift it is to another woman who can't bear her own child.
Either of these two options can be explained plainly to a five year old, and you are her mom! She knows the difference between life, love and nurture and death and fear, which personify abortion.
Aborting the little one inside you would probably harm your daughter most significantly through the wounding it would do to you. She needs a mother who is whole and strong.
I think it goes without saying that your ex-husband has been a fool. We all are at times and make poor life choices at some point or another. May you heal from the wounds he's inflicted, dear one. The God who made you knows where the broken places are and how to heal them.
I think this man has the right to ask you not to inform his parents of your baby, but certainly no claim at all as to what you choose to do regarding your own parents.
It sounds like you do best to consider this new baby 'your baby' and let his/her father take his own course. Typically, there is no reason to fear any court taking a child from it's biological mother and giving it to anyone else - without strong and clear evidence of the mother's unfitness to parent. Were this to describe you, you wouldn't still have your 5 year old. So don't let him try to manipulate you with fear.
So many women facing an unplanned pregnancy have spouses and boyfriends who are so adamant about wanting them to have an abortion that in the first few weeks of discovery and turmoil they run an impressive gamut of manipulation tactics from guilt ("this child's life will be ruined, your life will be ruined, my life will be ruined," etc) to anger (are you insane?? What are you thinking??) to threats (if you don't have an abortion I'll _________(leave, have nothing to do with the child, never forgive you, etc) to 'logic' (here's all the reasons you need to abort) and if desperate enough - pleading: "please, please, please don't ruin my life by going through with this pregnancy....!"
But almost always, once the decision is made to rule out abortion they adjust. Regardless, in the final analysis it is the woman who must live the rest of her own life with whatever choice she makes.
If you don't want an abortion - you don't have to have one. And if you want to tell your parents - go ahead! Your road may not always be easy as a single mother of 2 that has wounding from a divorce, but it will be easier and have more joy than being the single mother of 1, carrying around the weight of death from an abortion of your own child in addition to the wounding of your husband's abandonment.
If this man is worried about hurting his 5 year old by having you give birth to his other child, he would do much better to consider the hurt it causes her when mistreats and dishonors you - her mother.
But that aside, it sounds like you already have your mind made up about the baby, but I'd like you to know we're here for support and prayer for you along the way; you have had a painful journey. May God ultimately use it to bring beauty from ashes.
"Weeping endures for the night, but joy comes in the morning."
Take good care of yourself!
With Kindness,
Heather
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