| Subject: Re: Completely Lost & Confused |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/ 1/09 1:29am
In reply to:
Julie
's message, "Completely Lost & Confused" on 08/ 1/09 12:17am
Oh, Julie, I am so sorry your husband is doing this! If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! He has no right to ask that of you. You are the one who will have to live with the medical consequences, and given you don't really want one, you will also have to live with the emotional consequences. As for your drinking, if you stop now, it probably won't be a problem.
Tell your husband that if you have an abortion, you will probably resent him and it will end your marriage. That happens so often anyway. Tell him that you have decided to have your baby, and that your mind is made up. If he hassles you, walk out of the room. If he follows you, tell him you are leaving the room and he is not to follow you. Be steadfast and firm. It will be hard, but you can do it. I'll pray for you.
Find an organization in your area that will stand behind you. If you live in the United States, you can find one by going here:
pregnancycenters.org
Tell your husband that an abortion could kill you, and then who would take care of your daughter? Abortion is so dangerous, and you are finding that out.
Also, be patient with him. Men don't usually relate to pregnancy until much later than women do. They need to experience some kind of evidence. It could be an ultrasound, hearing a heartbeat, seeing changes in the mother's body, or feeling movement. These things don't generally happen until the second trimester. We are aware we are carrying a baby much earlier than that. Tell your husband that this is his baby, too, and he has the responsibility to cherish you both.
It is disgusting that so often a woman has to argue in favor of life against people who try to coerce her. But just hang tough. If he decides to abandon you, you're still better off than if you have an abortion. You have to live with yourself. This is your baby and your daughter's sibling. Having been an only child for six years, I can tell you how lonely this is. It won't have a desirable impact on your daughter, either. Either she will find out and it will make her insecure, or she'll sense something is wrong, or she will feel survivor guilt. It will have an impact on your ability to be a good mother.
We'll be here any time you need to talk. Keep in touch, and take care of you both.
Hugs,
Pat
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