Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/ 6/09 9:49am
Hello, Savannah,
I am very glad you came. What part of the world do you live in? 16 and 15 is young to be engaged, if you are in an industrialized country. If you are elsewhere, maybe not. But it sounds like you are in the United States, given your description of your schooling. Given that, you should see if your school district has a school or classes specifically for pregnant students. They can offer parenting classes. One thing, however, is that taking care of a baby isn't nearly as difficult as a lot of people like to make it. The baby needs to be fed, to get fresh diapers, to have reasonable clothing and shelter, and lots of love. This means touching, cuddling, hugging, lots of talking to the baby. Sing to your baby, even if you can't carry a tune. If you can breastfeed, that simplifies a lot of things, and the baby will be healthier. If you are going to a school specifically for pregnant students, you can probably get permission to breastfeed while you are at school. They will probably provide day care. The needs of the baby will grow as the baby grows, but you will also grow in motherhood. You can probably also get books from the library on how babies grow, what they do and when they do it. Make sure you get good prenatal care.
If you do change schools, obviously you won't be in class with your current friends, but you can see them outside of school, and you will make new friends, who will have more in common with you. If you can't get classes specifically for pregnant students, and the school system isn't cooperative, you may be able to get classes online and get a diploma. If they don't have provisions to award a diploma, you can take the GED. You might also be able to homeschool. Even if your mother doesn't have any knowledge, she can get materials for you that you can use on your own. There will also be homeschooling groups in your area that can help you get started. You may also be able to get a tutor, or the school may provide for you like it might provide for disabled students. The school system should pay for this.
If you two want to go ahead and get married, you may be able to become emancipated. You obviously will need a place to live and money for other expenses. At your age, this will be difficult. If one family is willing to help, that would be good. You could both stay with that family. You may be able to get a job at your age, but it wouldn't pay much, and it will make life more complicated for you with a baby. He will find it difficult until he is at least 16. Both of you will probably change a lot in outlook, so you both will have to make a real commitment to make it work. Marriage is for keeps. Both of you need to make the decision to cherish each other and your child. Cherishing means putting their needs ahead of your own.
As for telling your mother, I recommend you find a crisis pregnancy organization in your area. Talk to them first. They can help you tell her, and if she knows they are involved, she will be less likely to try to coerce you or anything. Whatever you do, don't let her coerce you into abortion. If she tries that, become totally uncooperative (don't even walk out of the house to go for one), and if necessary, get some help. But the best way to deal with it is to have one of the volunteers from the organization with you when you tell her, or perhaps they can tell her. You can find an organization by going here: pregnancycenters.org.
Once you are receiving counseling and other help, you can plan your future. Also, they can help to some extent with financial needs, and supply baby clothing and supplies. It's also possible they will have parenting classes. And you can certainly ask questions about parenting.
You didn't tell us what you planned to do. You may be able to do some of those things, and you may lose interest in doing others.
Whatever you do, don't let anyone scare you by saying how difficult it is to raise a baby. Yes, the baby will cry. But not constantly. Usually, feeding the baby will help. If you put your baby into a crib or a dresser drawer in your room, you can feed the baby quickly, and even feed the baby in bed. Make sure the baby can't roll off the bed on the side away from you.
I hope all this helps. Please take care of yourself and your precious baby.
Hugs,
Pat
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