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Thursday, March 28, 21:49:56Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 12[3]45678910 ]
Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 8:48am
In reply to: Sharon 's message, "Re: Going Crazy" on 12/27/08 11:33am

I had my ultasound and everything is fine the baby has a heartbeat and moving around...it was sooooo cute it was just flippin around in there! I saw the arms legs,head,it's back and face!!!! I can't believe it looked so big but is still so small! The heartbeat was at about 70 bpm....I could see it beating AMAZING! I thought I would let evryone know,feeling relieved right now but also very overwhelmed and scared I think this made this all very real to me now and I don't know how I am going to manage,I started thinking about all the things I haven't done yet and don't know how I am going to do these things with a baby.....I don't know what to think I keep seeing pics of my friends and they are going on vacations and in their bikinis and I am just going to be staying here getting bigger and bigger...kinda sad. I dunno guess I am just kinda down today.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 11:19am

Hi, Leah,

That's wonderful news!

You still have several months to prepare for your baby. Have you talked to your local crisis pregnancy agency? They can help with some of your problems.

Try not to dwell on the things your friends are doing. They aren't nearly as mature as you are, and their time to grow up will come. This is an incredible gift from God, and He knows what He is doing; He knows His plans for you and your baby.

Spend some time in prayer. Rebuke the devil for planting such thoughts in your head. Read the Psalms. I think you will find comfort there. Give yourself time to adjust to the new knowledge you have been given. God loves you both and so do we. You can make it. Take one day at a time. You are a lot stronger than you think! God has promised the strength to meet your challenges. Lean on Him. Remember the poem Footprints? Where it says that you and Jesus were walking through the sand, and you could see two sets of footprints, but then you could see only one set? And you asked Jesus why He abandoned you, and He said, when there was only one set, He was carrying you? Well, He is ready and willing to carry you. Just let him. Pray to God and tell Him that you're having a hard time letting go of your fears, and He will have to help you. He will.

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 5:50pm

Thanks for the input ladies,it's weird I am really very differen't I guess in the way I live my life than most of you I suppose. I don't know if I have actually told you anything really about me. You see I listen to punk music I have tattoo's I work with street kids normally,I don't really go to church,I write sometimes freelance,often poetry,I am interested in photography,I left home at age 15 and never went back. I love my friends they are my family,and some of them are very mature. I don't know I wear bikinis lot's I am fascinated by day of the dead art from Mexico,I have skateboarded for years I surf and snowboard as well....most of my friends have kids or babies,I know I will get through this; sometimes well I suppose I just feel sorry for myself. I still want this baby more than anything I am just feeling aprehensive...I am used to being very independant,this is scary to me. I don't read the bible(does that make me a bad person here?) But I have,once in awhile I still do,I say thanks everyday though I have a very close relationship I believe with god. It's just not very traditional...I am very thankful that I have found this site but I am not the same I guess is that ok? I'm sorry this may sound harsh that is not my intention,I just don't want to offend anyone. Thank-you all for everything ladies it means so much :)
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 12/30/08 3:20am

Hi Leah,

I think you would find that I am sometimes and in someways more "traditional" and not in others. I do believe God made us all different for a reason. You might be quite surprised to find some things about me. Like 2 weeks ago Friday, I was hurt in a mosh pit at an Anberlin/Hoobastank concert, and although, I don't care much for the lead singer of Hoobastank's language (my more traditional side), I still thought they played well (although I really wish he wouldn't have told people security was bored and they needed to crowd surf more. I was rather partial to my nose. LOL)

I like Pop punk a little more than pure punk, though, although I would probably like some of the borderline music in that genre. They all cross over so much. I've gone to Warped Tour the last three years. I like a lot of alternative rock, pop punk, some pop, Christian Rock, Contemporary and Alternative - pretty much most things that aren't rap or screamo. As you can tell, I'm very much into music and concerts AND photography, especially concert photography. I can share my site with you sometime if you are interested. I also like to write, but I do it somewhat sporadically.

While I am not much into tatoos, my daughters have enough I don't need any. LOL As you might have guessed by my last comment, I am not a youngster and my kids are now grown up. It wasn't always easy, and there were a lot of ups and downs. Still going through some of them from time to time, but still worth it.

I do read my Bible, but admittedly and probably not often enough of late (and often enough means not often enough for me.)

I think you will find we are all different and coming from different places, and our relationship with God is not always static.

Of course you are welcome here. This board is here because many of us have been in crisis pregnancy situations in our lives, or have a special love for women and children and that's why we are here. Feel free anytime.

Pity parties are normal. I've been there too many times. LOL Really, I could throw a big one this week. They can be a lot to carry around if they go on for years I suppose. ;) I know you love your baby, but each pregnancy is an adjustment, and if you are like me hormones coupled with uncertainty can make things seem a little crazy for a while. Hopefully they continue to settle for a bit even with the ups and downs.

Anyway, take care, and feel free to keep coming back anytime.
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
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Date Posted: 12/30/08 2:27pm

It's been really great reading your stories ladies....it's nice to know a bit about the women who helped me through an incredibly tough time! I am happy I got to share some stuff about me as well. Melanie...you attend Warped Tour awesome so do I...it may be kind of tough this coming year as I will be HUGELY prego lol but if there's a will there's a way lol...anyways are you familiar with an organization that tours with Warped? They are called To Write Love On Her Arms.....they work with youth who have been affected by self-harm(ie cutting etc) suicide and abuse(substance,emotional etc) If you haven't heard of them you can just google the name To Write Love On Her Arms and the site will come up,actually I would recommend this to ANYONE who reads this. It is an amazing story with so much hope and inspiration.....I am a HUGE supporter of this movement so if any of you have the time PLEASE PLEASE CHECK IT OUT...I know there are probably alot of youth who post here,and I had read a post where one of the young girls took her own life...maybe you could find this a useful resource when working with the young women who post here? It is also based in finding help from God..so please check it out. Sorry wasn't trying to do a plug there but it is just SUCH an amazing movement. Thank-you all again for sharing with me! Oh and I have been thinking about baby names I like Sadie for a girl(it means princess :) )and Cashton for a boy (I love Johnny Cash) what do you think? Till later ........
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 12/30/08 8:39am

Hi, Leah,

Thanks so much for sharing that with us! It is helpful.

Just so you know, I'm a photographer, too. I also don't go to church much because I can't. I don't feel bad about it. It's just the way things are.

At least one of my kids snowboards, and that's fine with me. Another skis. Another does autocross. But the first one once tried a flip in sand, and almost broke his neck. I know he won't do THAT again! LOL I don't tend to take personal risks of that sort, but I travel across the country alone every so once in awhile. While this is no guarantee, I do have a second degree black belt, and I imagine this gives me the confidence needed to scare off wannabe predators. I have been in a few dicey situations, and usually I leave the other guy with his mouth hanging open! LOL When I was younger, I always took the youngest kid with me, on the plane or whatever, slung him or her on my body, and breastfed when he or she was hungry.

It's great you work with street kids!

I don't know much about day of the dead art in Mexico. I would love to know more. I studied pre-Columbian meso-American art in college. I know it's not the same thing, but still, I would like to learn about it.

I don't personally have any tattoos, but one of the kindest people I know has tattoos all over his body. You should see the dragon on his back! He is a tattoo artist. I consider him a friend.

I think all too often, we jump to conclusions about other people. I did. And I think you did, too. :)

It's not surprising that you are finding your experiences scary. You're not offending anyone here. You are certainly not offending me. People are often afraid of major change in their lives. They think that life as they know it will end. I think more, it will simply change. Having a child is a new kind of adventure, one of the most gratifying in the world! Now you will be able to share some of these same things with your child. One of the greatest gifts you can give your child is to learn to help street kids.

Continue to take one day at a time. You'll make it. You are obviously a strong person.

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 12/30/08 9:08am

You don't sound "different" - you simply sound real ;-) We are all complex beings. I think someone reading my posts would probably get a picture of me that would be somewhat narrow. My day-job is related to technology, but I also am an artist (http://www.sharongray.com/giclee). (I'm familiar with the day of the dead art you speak of from Mexico. Very interesting stuff.) I believe that a personal relationship with God is more important than a church-going relationship, but I often fall short of my own standards in regard to connecting with God. I, unfortunately, put lots of others things first. I'm divorced and have 7 children by 3 different men. While that could understandably draw criticism from some people, the reality is that my life experiences are the very things that have enabled me to be an outspoken advocate for women and their unborn children. I almost aborted my first child, but chose to cancel the appointment. I felt the pressure of society's messages that I should finish school (which I did, anyway) and should only have "planned" children. But, I resisted that pressure, instead listening to my own heart. I knew the child inside me was my child, was a person, was completely dependent upon my bringing him or her into the world. I now have a grandchild through the very son I almost killed 30 years ago...It's a chilling, sobering thought. But one that I don't want to (and will never) forget...

I went on to live with a man and have two more children. We parted and a couple of years later I met the man I married and I had my last three children. (He had a daughter at the time, so that's why I have seven children ;-) We are now divorced.

We all have different faces we present to different "audiences". That's normal. The fact is, they are all "us" but just with different nuances. You most definitely "belong" on this board - along with the rest of us complicated human beings ;-)
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 12/30/08 11:19am

Hi Leah,

I've been away from the board for a little while because of holiday related festivities, so I'm a little behind the scene here but I'm sure glad you and your babe are ok; bleeding can be scary. I had that with one on my pregnancies, too, and wow: you really get to know what the meaning of 'vulnerable' is!

I found it pretty easy to relate to a lot of the other things you posted. It sounds like you're just processing and decompressing and don't necessarily need advice. I think (thought from the beginning!) that you're doing an awesome job dealing with the unexpected, and have been given the grace to come full circle and find the joy in it. I think as your pregnancy progresses the adjusting period will subside and you won't feel as lonely and intimidated (at times) about your baby.

I'm not a sage of wisdom at 33, but so far it seems I'm noticing that there are some things/events in life that need intervention and decisions and others that work themselves out naturally. I pray for both and accept what the hand of God brings. :)

I don't know if you need the reassurance, but punk music, tattoos, etc don't define you or your value and differently than any of us women here. We've all got eccentricities and are unique. Good thing, too! Imagine if there were only one flower to admire in all the world of creation...

I'm excited for you, and resonate with the ups downs and all arounds that this generally anticipatory season in your life is representing right now. I hope you'll keep frequent updates so we can be a part of your pregnancy!

With Kindness,

Heather
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 11:27am

I meant the babies heartbeat was about 170 bpm not 70 sorry
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Ambivalence


Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 12:58pm

Hi Leah,

Yeah, I figured you'd made a typo in your previous post.

Anyway, I'm just here to tell you that ambivalence is a normal part of early pregnancy--even planned ones! Trust me, once your baby is here (and even before that) these fears that seem so huge right now, won't even matter to you! You will also find that you won't be "huge" and pregnant forever. I've had 4 babies and I'm a very small lady who is in pretty good shape, I might add. : ) Personally, I don't believe anyone should wear a bikini, no matter how great their body looks in one. But that's me....

You'll also learn that having a baby doesn't end your chance to go places and do things. Many places can be visited with your baby. And if you have friends and family, you'll have the opportunity to go places without baby from time to time.

And most importantly, once you have your baby your priorities will most likely change. What you view as important right now, will most likely be different when you get to know your little one. You won't feel like you're HAVING to "give things up", you'll be happy to do without those things.

Just know that your feelings are normal. These fears do subside. And once baby is here, you'll feel so different---trust me!

I'm praying for you.

Shellie
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 12/29/08 7:42pm

Leah,

Yup, I figured that was a typo, too. 170 bpm is a good heart rate. Sounds like your baby is doing well.

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 01/ 1/09 5:02pm

Happy New Years hope everyone had a fun time! I was pretty much passed out right after midnight lol.Thanks for sharing your stories they were pretty awesome,I had posted previous but it ended up somewhere in the middle. I do have a question about names (soon I know) but I am trying to get my butt in gear lol I am thinking Sadie for a girl(it means princess and sounds pretty AND punk lol) Cashton for a boy (I love Johnny Cash) I already have the middle name for a girl Grace (pretty self explanitory as I figure if this baby is a girl she is my saving grace hehehe) I am getting close to tell my partner although I think he already know and is just waiting for me to tell him,irrational fear there maybe? Thanks for listening and taking time to read this. :) Oh and I have also found out TWO more friends are expecting very close to me...crazy huh,but it does make this easier.
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah (change of mind I'm sorry)
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Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 10:11am

I don't think I can do this ...I am sorry to all of you for wasting your time. I thought for some stupid reason that I was stronger than I really am,I thought things were going to be alright...I know different now. I wish so bad I could make this work but there is no way,this I have come to realize. I know this was so hopeful and was supposed to be so good,it's not. I don't have my own life togeather enough to add another one to it. I was so stupid to think that I was going to be able to do this,so stupid for getting my hopes up and yours here to I suppose(again I am so very sorry for that) Guess I was living in a dream world. I feel like such a bad person,I know I should consider adoption,but I am to selfish and couldn't bear the heartache...I have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday to start the abortion,(it's my counselling session where they set up the actual appointment for the procedure,which will be at some point the week after this one they said) I am truely sorry ladies I really did think I could do this. :(
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Heather
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 1:47pm

Hi Leah,

I posted my last post to you before this one from you arrived.

Leah you don't have to be sorry to us; we are not your Maker or your judge. I'm just sorry for you, that you have experienced the bond with your baby and now feel you have to give way to fear.

Did you tell your boyfriend and get a negative response? Is aborting this baby what YOU really want? This is your choice and your baby. If you don't want to abort him or her, you don't have to. There are always choices, even when we have moments when we feel there is only one. There is always hope! Circumstances ebb and flow, but aborting a human life is permanent and you can't ever get them back.

Erring on the side of honoring all human life has a way of working itself out with grace, giving in to death addresses the external in removing the physical life, but it does not erase all that's deeper.

I am a big advocate of clear and open communication and would not diminish your life and your choices to a 'guilt trip.' Please know that you are of great worth, entitled to respect and autonomy in your relationship with God, and will not be thought the less of in human nature here regardless of what you choose. I know this is a painfully difficult time right now.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers, Leah; and trust that God will give you peace. Hang in there and take good care of yourself.

With Kindness,

Heather
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 2:50pm

Leah,

I know sometimes it seems like we are stronger here than we are. No one is strong automatically, but strength is built by our adversity.

I couldn't do it either, but I muddled through, and things worked out. If you think I had my life altogether when I had my kids, you would be mistaken. I'm quite sure they could tell you otherwise.

What happened? Something happened to put you back into fear. Something led you to believe that you couldn't have your baby.

Having and abortion now will not ever make things the same. They will be forever changed one way or another. It takes some emotional strength (or more likely, emotional numbing) to endure an abortion, especially with some of the emotions you've expressed here. I would, with all my heart, wish to spare you that.

It's still not too late to change your mind. Please keep that option open. BTW, did you ever make an appoint with a Crisis Pregnancy Center to see if there was any support for you there?

--Melanie
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 4:24pm

Leah,

I am heartbroken on your behalf. I will pray earnestly that you will let your baby live. He or she is depending on you for your protection.

It sounds like you have chosen a medical abortion. I want to warn you about the dangers. To begin with, there are times during the process when you could easily die within hours. This isn't widely known, but it will be. Don't be one of the statistics! One thing is that once they provide you with the first medication, they send you home. If you develop a complication, you're on your own. What kind of medical care is that? They give you a powerful hormone, and then leave you unprotected! Then they give you a second medication which is used off label. The manufacturer specifically says that it should NOT be used during pregnancy. Why? Because it can cause contractions so severe, that your uterus can rupture, and that can kill you very quickly. If you are instructed to use this vaginally, it can cause toxic shock syndrome, and that can also kill you within hours, usually before emergency room doctors can figure out what is wrong. I have talked to many ladies, on a regular basis, who bleed uncontrollably for weeks afterwards, and that is also dangerous.

If it is early enough for a medical abortion (they have to be done before 49 days, and the closer you get, the more likely they won't work and you'd have to have a surgical abortion, with all THOSE dangers), then you are still in your first trimester. The kind of feelings you are having are quite common during the first trimester. But we women grow into motherhood. By the time your baby would be born, you would almost certainly be quite ready. That's why we advised you to go to your local crisis pregnancy agency and see what they have to offer. You can find one near you here:

pregnancycenters.org

You also sound like you may be experiencing depression. I want to suggest you try a couple of things. Two supplements are especially good and safe during pregnancy. One is phosphatidyl choline, which is just a particular form of B vitamin. Another is evening primrose oil. This is useful if you have been eating a lot of foods with monosodium glutimate, or perhaps drinking diet soft drinks. If you are feeling depressed or experiencing a panic attack, and you take a pearl of evening primrose oil, and suddenly you feel better, then your adrenal glands aren't making enough. Before you do something that you will regret, that will increase the chances of your dying a violent death by 3 1/2 times over what it would be if you carried your baby, something you may wish you could take back five minutes later, something that you may be held down physically to do if you change your mind at the last minute, please consider these things.

If you walk through the door of the abortion facility, and it looks unclean, leave! A lot of them wouldn't pass basic health inspections. And there are many things that you may not even see.

We love you, and I am going to be praying like the dickens that you won't make this mistake.

If you go ahead with it, we will be here for you, but it would be so much better if you don't. Seriously. You don't want this. You have said so. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! There are better answers. As a mother who raised seven children, I will be here for you every step of the way (just ask Shellie to contact me), and I will let you pick my brain.

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Leah
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Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 6:02pm

I don't know how to say sorry enough I am so alone right now...I can't stop thinking of this tragedy...the past 2 nights I have had dreams about my dead baby...it's horrible it's dead and I can't pick it up,and I try so hard but I can't. I feel like I am going crazy everytime I close my eyes I just see that dead baby...I keep having major terror like the world is caving in... and to top it off after the dead baby dream I keep having nightmares about something that happened to me so long ago... these past 2 nights it won't go away it's like i'm reliving this all over again and again.....I'm to embarassed to post what happened up here...so between that and the dead baby that's what happened I can't breathe right I can't close my eyes I can't sleep...I am not ready to bring a baby into this. I thought I was ok I used to get the same thing before I left home then I was ok, and when I was pregnant last time and had the abortion I saw the same dead baby..for awhile afterwards but it went away...I am going nuts and crazy people shouldn't have babies this is what has happened. I don't deserve a baby I am so scared i want these memeories to stop I wish i could be stronger I need someone to talk to I need this to stop it's so scary I keep reliving this,I can't breathe right I am just shaking I sit here in the dark I I can't turn on the lights I don't want anyone to see me. i know none of this sounds normal it isn't.....what if there is something wrong with this baby and it's the one I'm seeing dead...thats why I changed my mind...I couldn't go 9months so full of hope to have something bad happen....
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 3:12am

Have you thought of getting yourself and your baby checked out before you make any final decisions?

It's hard to comment on what you are going through. It must have really terrified you to have such a change of heart. The fact that you are having disturbing dreams does not necessarily mean you are going crazy, and it is difficult to get pictures out of ones head once they exist, especially disturbing ones. BTW, I have chatted online with women who had disturbing dreams when they were pregnant. It could be something hormonal, and something to discuss with a doc, not necessarily a cause for abortion. In fact, but with what you have said, could it be the past abortion is factoring in the severity of the underlying picures? I really don't know, just the thought crossed my mind.

Instead of abortion, I'd recommend you find someone that you can talk to who won't push that issue with you will help you work through it. Obviously this is something that should be worked through somehow. It's hard to do it on a message board, with little info. to go on and without proximity.
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 8:25am

Leah,

I am going to give you some straight talk.

I almost had an abortion once. For two months afterwards, I had horrible nightmares. I would wake up in a cold sweat. The only good thing about it was that in my dreams, although I was being pursued and threatened with harm, I got away. If I had gone through with an abortion, I am quite sure that I would have continued to have the nightmares, and I wouldn't have been getting away.

A mother bonds with her baby in the first week. Women are usually not aware of it, but it's there. As the new human being moves down the Fallopian tube, every time he or she touches the wall, hormonal messages are exchanged. After implantation, the baby starts to send stem cells into the mother's blood stream. These move to various parts of the body, including the brain. They lodge there. Some move to the breasts, where they help protect the mother from future breast cancer. The ones in the brain result in further bonding. These are the events that stop the mother's periods. When a baby is born or an abortion is done, many, many more stem cells are sent. A baby being aborted experiences excruciating pain. There is no mechanism to modify this pain as there is in older people. You can tell they have this pain because you can see them react, through ultrasound, or you can see it in their faces afterward. Pain creates chemicals. The fact someone is experiencing pain can be detected through these chemicals. When these stem cells are sent, they will have this chemical, and the mother will know unconsciously that the baby experienced pain.

This could be behind your nightmares. Do you REALLY want to repeat this? You have the ability to "redeem" your former experience. Or you can add to the feelings you are having.

You desperately need emotional and spiritual healing from your other abortion. This is why I gave you the link to find a pregnancy agency in your area. They are prepared to meet your need for healing. There are programs there, counseling, classes, retreats. Women who have experienced abortion do almost all of this. They have healed, and they can show you how to heal. They can help you to understand that your baby is in heaven. You CAN heal.

But if you do it again, you become twice guilty. The first time, maybe you didn't really know what you were getting into. Now you do.

Before you do this kind of harm to yourself and your baby, try the supplements I mentioned. I am dead serious when I tell you that if you DO have an abortion, you may not survive it, and you will have increased danger for the next eight years. Women who have abortions often turn to drugs, or become careless with their lives.

The truth is, none of us DESERVES a baby. God graciously gives them to us anyway, and He is giving you a second chance to nourish one of His gifts.

I am going to repeat the link again. pregnancycenters.org. Go there. Get some help. You can't be helped if you are not willing to help yourself. You said you need someone to talk to. Well, GO TALK TO THEM. You can even get on the phone with them right now, in a toll-free call.

You now know what you are trying to get into. No excuses. I continue to pray for you. You have enemy forces bearing down on you. Repudiate them.

We love you both deeply. You can have no idea how much. Many of us have BEEN there. We know what it's like, and we devote our time and lives to try to help other escape what we went through. There is nothing more frustrating and disheartening than seeing someone drowning in a river, reaching out and grabbing her hand, only to see and feel her snatch it away so she goes to her destruction.

You don't really want an abortion. If you did, you wouldn't be here.

Don't do this! We love you.

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 11:26am

Leah,

I thankful you at least got the idea and strength to come post here while under your anxiety. I sure wish I could give you a hug while you're going through this!

The pregnancy centers posted all offer free counseling. That's one thing they're very well known for; having a professional and very compassionate staff of counselors on hand to just listen to women who are in unplanned pregnancies. It's a big event in life, and they are familiar with the unique range of emotions women have during it.

I hope you'll pick up the phone or simply drive there. I have worked at our cities local Pregnancy Resource Center and I know they are happy to take walk ins when necessary.

If having another ultrasound or hearing the heartbeat of your baby would help assuage any concerns you have about their health and well being, most Pregnancy Centers offer that service free of charge, as well.

We're pulling for you, Leah. Not just your baby, but you. Hold on and let the storm wash over you. Nothing lasts forever and sometimes those storms leave a refreshed dawn.

With love and prayers,

Heather
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Changed Mind


Author:
Shellie
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 5:26pm

Leah,

My heart goes out to you! You are on a roller coaster, for sure. Just in your posts here I've seen you go up and down. This is such a normal part of an unplanned pregnancy! It's scary to see your life going every-which-way with no control over your own destination. Abortion presents its self as a way to get that control back. However, just like Melanie so eloquently said: "Having and abortion now will not ever make things the same. They will be forever changed one way or another." And Heather was right on when she said: "Circumstances ebb and flow, but aborting a human life is permanent and you can't ever get them back." Leah, really listen to those words, they are full of truth.

You've experienced an abortion that has caused you pain, already. And I suspect aborting this pregnancy would hurt you much more than the previous one. I have a few reasons for suspecting this. First of all, you have allowed yourself to connect with your baby, even choosing names. You've seen your baby through ultrasound. And because you've aborted before, a 2nd abortion is usually more guilt-ridden. You have a lot of friends who are due around the time you are. Having their kids as a constant reminder of the one you terminated would be hard. I’m not sure you’ve really thought this through or if you’re having a weak moment and just wanted to vent.

I too, would like to know what happened. Although I know with the fears and emotions that rule over a woman going through an unplanned pregnancy—nothing really needs to “happen” to make you feel like you can’t do it. But was there a particular event that has caused you to change your mind?

I believe abortion can be a form of Self-Harm. Is there a reason why you want to hurt yourself? Or are you just letting fear take charge? You are stronger than you think. And you deserve better than the pain of another abortion.

By the way, I love Johnny Cash. Have you ever seen his last video, Hurt, when he was close to death and was looking back at his life (with a lot of regrets)? He didn’t write the song, but it was definitely HIS song. We have the ability to make choices and have fewer things to regret. Here’s the video:



Don’t give in to the fears! You CAN do this!

Hugs,

Shellie
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Pat
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 01/ 4/09 11:15am

Leah,

One more thing. You may FEEL alone, but you're not. We're here for you, and more importantly, God is holding you in His hand. Remember the poem, Footprints in the Sand? It says that there were footprints in the sand, two sets. And after awhile, there was only one set. The person asked God, why He had abandoned him and let him walk alone, and Jesus said, that was when I picked you up and carried you.

Let Jesus carry you. The full poem is below:

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints
in the sand: one belonging to him,
and the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned
the LORD about it.
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed most you would leave me."

The LORD replied,
"My son, My precious child, I love you
and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Hugs,
Pat
[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy


Author:
Heather
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 01/ 3/09 1:37pm

Hi Leah,

I love the names, especially Sadie. I really like finding out the meanings, too. I don't know if you have a preference or not, but I was going to say that the 170 heartbeat would be somewhat more indicative of a girl. Maybe you've read that girls tend to have faster heartbeats than boys - with 155-165 being the common 'boy' range and 165-175 being the common girl one.

We have one boy and three girls, and this definitely was true of our ultrasounds.

But having both a boy and a girl, I have to say both are just too awesome for words. It brings out a different side of you as a woman - the different genders. My girls names are Heidi ("Noble and pure") Jemma (Hebrew for "Little Dove") and Clara (Latin for "Clear".) Our son's name is Andrew, which means "masculine or manly." Another girl name I heard that I really like is 'Paloma' which is apparently Spanish for "Little Dove.")

Seems like it's often the case the pregnancy is contagious! That's great that you have company in your adventure. How are you feeling? Morning sickness is often more pronounced in first pregnancies; sure was with mine! Other than that my pregnancies all went very smoothly, and the births were MUCH easier than I'd expected, but I could definitely do without the morning sickness, lol.

What's hindering you from telling your boyfriend?

Heather



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