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Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 01/10/09 10:00pm In reply to: Antonella 's message, "Re: Going Crazy" on 01/10/09 11:14am Hi everyone well after a very long week of some serious ups and downs..I am still hanging in there. I contacted a counsellor at a pregnancy crisis centre and they stayed on the phone with me for a very long time...I explained what was happening and she explained to me after calming me down that it is actually pretty common for things like this to occur after an abortion,and that my new pregnancy had probably been a "trigger' to these emotions. I met with the counsellor the next day which was a Sunday at a restaurant (she had brought a friend for security purpose but we were soon comfortable around each other) I have been to the centre almost everyday this week for some intensive "therapy" sessions lol. I have several books on Post Abortion Stress Syndrome and have started to keep a journal. I am feeling much more at ease and have learned some breathing and meditation techniques for anxiety...these are all things that I advise the kids I work with to do when they suffer anxiety attacks so I feel so dumb for not using them myself :) I am sorry for freaking out I was really upset and soo tired and scared. Thank-you Antonella for responding all the way fron Italy...your story is one of courage and great strength...thats so awesome your sons birthday is July 22. Thanks to the other ladies for your thoughts as well. I am not having an abortion ...I think I might possibly lose my mind if I did lol...but really it is so scary that this is the stuff they DON'T tell you about abortions. I am looking forward to the next months and am now "talking" with my baby everyday. Oh and I am officially now into my 2nd trimester :) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 7:11am Hi Leah, I am so glad you found someone that was helpful and supportive so that you can work through all of the issues. I am glad that you contacted the CPC there! We will do whatever we can to support you here, but there is nothing like having someone physically there to be with you when needed. :) You have no idea how relieved I am for you. I was concerned that an abortion would make your situation worse and not better overall, so I am glad that you were able to work through some of that. Journaling is a great idea. I've always found it helpful, especially when I am stressed about anything. It also sometimes helps to write down things that are going right so that when I can see the forest for the trees so to speak. :) I've also found that in addition to the breathing, etc., anxiety in me seems to come from not feeling one has control over anything in their life, and doing anything to change that no matter how small seems to help a great deal. I don't know if that makes sense to you or what works for you, but that helps me. Anyway, I am really, really, happy for you now. I hope that you will be able to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy overall. Do definitelly stay in touch!! :)

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 7:38am Leah, That's so AWESOME! And that a woman from Italy wrote! What a blessing! We prayed really hard for you! Congratulations, Mom! Keep on talking to your baby. Soon, you will feel movement. And you can play games. I used to push on a foot when I felt one, for example. Your baby will also enjoy good music, peaceful, melodic. I took our oldest to a concert before he was born, and he loved it! He has loved good music ever since. And sing to your baby as well. Keep in touch. We would love to hear how you are doing, and uplift you when you need it. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/11/09 2:59pm Well wow! What an awesome post to read, Leah. I'm really thrilled for you. Not just that you have peace about keeping your little one, but that you're now getting the double blessing of healing from your abortion. Whatever changed your mind at the last minute about getting a second abortion with this baby really changed the course of things for you - hope and healing over death and further wounding. I'm really thankful to God for how He's working things out in you. I've worked at our cities Pregnancy Resource Center and have seen how great the P.A.S.S. series is firsthand. It's like seeing women relieved of a huge weight. Something I always found interesting was that it was very rare to see women come in who had recently had an abortion. More often than not it was at least a year, sometimes many, later. I'm excited for you about this baby, and congratulations on weathering the roughest of storms. Have you told your boyfriend yet? Second trimester; wow - you'll be feeling your little one move pretty soon! Thank you for the update! Heather

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Antonella [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/12/09 5:35am Hey, great! I am very happy for you, now you will enjoy your pregnancy and will start to feel your baby moving ;) it's beautiful, it is the meaning of LIFE, it's a challenge but now YOU are not alone anymore, there will be always your child by your side. My son is sooo cool, he is always by my side, he behaves and is one of the best in school, then he is also my "little best friend" and noone understands me like he does...sometime we just look at each other and he knows if he does well or bad ;) the feeling between a mother and the baby is so powerful and special, believe me! You 2 are a TEAM. So, just go ahead and enjoy this wonderful (even if there are ups and downs sometime ;)) period of your life! Take care, bye!!!

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 1:26pm Hi everyone...just thought I would let you all know I HEARD the baby's heartbeat today...i have seen it before(twice actually),but today I heard it for the first time!!!! I was so happy I was crying like a big baby on the doctors table,the doctor and nurse where pretty confused as to why I was crying I told them it was because I was totally happy! Wow that is sure something,I had to ask twice if they were SURE it wasn't my heartbeat and they assured me that it was in fact my babies! I recorded it on my cellphones sound album,and I can't stop listening to it...I call it my 15 seconds of pure joy,lol! I am telling babys dad tomorow and am really considering sending him a text of the recording(he is out working in a remote location),I wanted to know what you think about that? My counsellor at my local CPC says it wouldn't hurt as it may help to make this whole situation more "real" to him? Any thoughts on that? I am pretty nervous to tell him,but regardless of his reaction I am still having this baby,nothing's going to stop me now! Any thoughts on giving the news to my boyfriend would be greatly and graciously appreciated :)Hope you are all doing well and the new year is off to a good start.

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 4:03pm Leah, what a WONDERFUL message! Congratulations! Babies are such a miracle! Yes, I think sending the recording to your boyfriend is an excellent idea. Sometimes hearing the heartbeat is what turns a man toward his child. Good luck with this, and do let us know how he reacts. I share in your joy. Especially since you struggled with it so. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/16/09 9:33pm That's wonderful! :) It's so amazing what you can do these days. I would have never thought to keep a recording on a cell phone. That's pretty cool. :) I didn't realize that you hadn't told the baby's father yet. Just be prepared for the worst and hope for the best. It sometimes takes a bit for it all to sink in and he may have reactions like you did to begin with (well, not exactly like, but panicky, you know...) so just give him time no matter how he reacts. I'm hoping he will react more positively, though. At any rate, sending the heartbeat does help make the baby more real. Guys don't have the same physical connections, so anything to make your baby real to him can be helpful. The only thing I can recommend is that you don't pick a time when he has just told you it's been his worst day ever. It's tough since he's not close. Otherwise, there probably isn't a real substitute for telling him. You probably know him better than anyone here. :) Do let me know how it goes. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/19/09 8:13pm Hi Leah, Congrats on the heartbeat! That's pretty amazing to hear. During one of my prenatal check ups, I heard the heartbeat of my daughter when she was still very young in my pregnancy and I called home so my husband could hear. He wasn't there to pick up the phone so it went to the answer machine and my nurse midwife just let it record on the answering machine for about 30 seconds. When I got home, it was crystal clear on the machine! My daughter is now nearly 7 yrs old, but I still keep that message. I played it for her when she was 5 and she was amazed. Did you tell your boyfriend yet?? I think the idea of letting him hear the recording is a good one. Like one of the other women pointed out, I think it's a lot harder for the father to grasp the reality of the situation when the baby isn't growing in their body. Hearing the evidence of the new human life may help him accept the arrival of this little boy or girl. And if he isn't thrilled at first, he may be when he gets to hold his son or daughter for the first time. Certainly wouldn't be the first time it's happened! :) Don't forget to take good care of yourself - extra rest, good food.... Did you ever get a copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting?" They probably have an extra copy at the Pregnancy Resource Center. I'm really glad to hear you've felt supported there. Love, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/20/09 9:49pm Hey everyone well I told him....and it didn't go great but he didn't go all crazy on me...but I just know that he is freaking right out,and I have no idea what to expect???? When I told him I was pregnant he said "with a baby"....and me being an idiot said no KITTENS....what was I thinking???? I tend to get pretty sarcastic when I am scared and it just came bursting out of my mouth....of course it's a baby!!! I don't know...he was more calm than I expected,I couldn't send him a text b/c he is working in an area right now with only limited phone use.....sigh. He kept asking me if I thought this was good idea and he kept saying soooo......what then???? I told him I am keeping the baby,that I have been to hell and back these past few months and that it's not even a question for me anymore. I don't know what to think....I know he needs time ,and he has to take in the news,it 's just hard waiting...I just want to know either way...please hope good things for me,thanks.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 1:23am Hi, Leah, I cracked up when I read what you told your bf. Sorry, couldn't help it! I think it was a good answer, myself. :) What does he expect? You folks did the thing that causes babies, and even though that isn't what you intended, it happens. You can remind him that few babies are perfectly timed. Hey, by now, your baby is more than just a good idea. :) He does need time to adjust. You did. He may try to pressure you about it. Just stand firm. He will eventually give up. Let us know how it goes. We will be here any time you need to vent. We will pray for all of you, that it will go well. You'll just have to be patient and strong, and take one day at a time. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 8:29am Hi Leah, Well hopefully you have some relief from having finally told him? I think it worked out best for you that you worked out in your own mind and heart what you wanted to do first. Actually, considering the range of reactions unexpecting dads have had (you can even go back and read on this forum!) yours did pretty well. It's definitely hardest when they first hear. Once he has time to adjust to what you've been processing for months he may well come around to be highly supportive. But if not, you can still be ok. Sounds like you're very perceptive to his need for time to process, though. I hope the best for you guys. Refresh my memory, how far along are you now? 14weeks? You'll probably be able to feel the movements your baby is making in the next couple of weeks, but it will probably be a couple of months before they are strong enough to be felt from the outside by your bf. Hearing the heartbeat or better yet watching an ultrasound would probably be a huge help in the processing for your bf. Actually, if you're past 13 weeks there's a good chance that the gender can be seen on an ultrasound, if that's something you want to know ahead of time..... Any guesses as to what you're having? I gave up trying to guess the gender of my babies beforehand as I was always wrong, lol. Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/25/09 11:26pm I got a kick out of your response myself. Sometimes a little sarcasme and/or levity are helpful. LOL I'm glad to hear he didn't totally freak out. Hopefully that's a very good sign. I pretty much agree with what Pat said, so I won't "reinvent the wheel" and repeat it. Keep us posted. :)

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Antonella (I can believe it!) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/21/09 1:25pm Hi Leah, I can believe his reaction...he is a MAN-not a WOMAN so he can't understand how we feel , I mean, having our baby growing up inside our body! and he can be cold/ distant if he feels kept outside- after all he wasn't informed about it before your choice. So just take it easy! A baby needs both u2, let him take HIS time to realize it and be positive, God helps you in any case ;) so try to be kind and involve him in your feelings-it's a good idea to go to tests together and let him know everything-all info- even if he says he isn't ready, and so on.. You know what? I am married since 1 year and if I get pregnant now my hubby would like to RUN away just because he doesn't feel ready (...and then he would be back...)- he needs time and I know it, we both planned kids in our future- well, so..congratulations!!!Love ya, Antonella

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/ 8/09 6:26pm Just to send you ladies an update I found out I am having a little BOY! I am over the moon about this!!!!!! So amazing and awesome and just the best thing that could happen to me!!!! I was looking at some of my previous posts and it has been such a journey....and it's not even close to being over yet. I was watching the Johnny Cash video(again)that Shellie posted and I was struck by the last words in the song "If I could start again,a million miles away,I would keep myself,I would find a way" We all have to remember to keep ourselves....that there is a way. Well just thought I would post a bit of an update for you ladies. How is everyone doing these days? Hope all is going well.Please keep thinking good things for me,I still need all the postive things I can get thanks so much,and I will do the same for everyone else.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 11:02am That is AWESOME! Congratulations! I'll post more when I have a minute, but I wanted to let you know how happy I am for you! Sharon

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 12:36pm Leah, that is indeed wonderful news! :) I am very excited for you. Have you picked out a name yet? I will definitely keep you in my thoughts and prayers. --Melanie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 1:13pm Leah~ YAY!!! A BOY!!!! CONGRATS!!! I am rejoicing with you!!! Please continue to post!!! God bless, Tracey

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/09 1:33pm Leah, Your post makes me cry tears of joy! Congratulations, Mom! Apparently no one saw your message until today, so apologies for a late reply. Come back and let us know how you are doing. We love you both. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Leah [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/17/09 11:30pm Miracles do happen,without getting into much detail,something wonderful (aside from the baby) has happened. Things are kind of scary right now,but I am prayimg that everything will be alright. Also this babies dad is finally coming around....I am so happy about this,I alnost did something so dumb....I am so happy I didn't. I wish I could post more but it's kinda TMI for a public forum.....i just wanted to say thank-you to the ladies who have been there for me from the beginning. Please keep praying for me,my baby,his dad,and our families we are all gonna need it this next little bit. So happy right now I could cry,but also nervous :)

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/22/09 2:58pm Hi Leah, It's great to read an update from you, even if vague. :) Good news is good news, and I'm happy for you. How's your pregnancy progressing? I'll keep you, your baby, his dad and your families in prayer. Blessings, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Going Crazy Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 03/22/09 7:54pm Leah, Thanks so much for your update! I rejoice with you on the other good events in your life. Just remember, courage isn't about not being afraid. Courage is doing what you need to do in spite of your fear. I pray that God will take away your fear. Get some good nutrition. Read the message I left to Tracy and see if any of this applies to you as well. We will be delighted to hear from you as life goes on. Take very good care of yourself and your little one. Hugs, Pat