Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 01/15/09 8:46am
Hi Jane,
I'm glad you found this site. I can see how your situation would be very stressful.
If you'd like an outside perspective, I think the factor of what your boyfriends family will suffer, and to a lesser extent even what your boyfriend will have to face if (hopefully when!) you keep your baby is looming far to large for you.
What are the priorities? What's most important right now? You have a new human life growing inside of you that doesn't deserve to be terminated on the grounds that is is not ideal timing or circumstances, or that someone else will have an objection to their existence. They already exist! And they are a human being in their own right, and one who needs protection at that.
Second, you are ultimately the one who should be making this choice. You've indicated both that you were distressed by your last abortion, and the loss that followed, and that you would like to keep this baby. You've also indicated that you are concerned about the advanced state of your pregnancy at the time of your abortion.
Your boyfriend may or may not stay around. His family may or may not accept you. They may or may not disown him. But abortion in permanent and it will definitely take a human life and further wound you. It is not the quick fix and solution it is offered on the surface. It will simply be replacing a challenging situation with death and grief.
I'd love to see you be able to explore other solutions that will not result in death and loss for you and your baby. Do you have family of your own that can support you? Do you live near a pregnancy resource center that you can go to for support and assistance?
This is your baby. If you have instincts telling you to protect him or her, you have the right to listen to those!
To point out the obvious, your boyfriend should not be pressuring you to abort if you aren't comfortable with doing so. Even if he is scared. If he loves you, he needs to consider what he's asking of you/doing to do you and work with you to support you and your child together. It doesn't have to be easy for him, and he should not be putting the full burden of grief and pain on you. If he cares enough about you to be with you and father a child with you, he should care enough to stand by you as you raise the child and not be fearful of his family. He is a grown man, presumably, and should be making his own choices apart from his family. If he has chosen you, to be with you, he should not be hiding that choice.
Your health and well being are very important. You're a valuable human being and your the sanctity of your life should also be respected.
I don't know what country you're from, but in most countries there is much support, financial, emotional and otherwise, for women in unplanned pregnancies. If you'd like us to help you find some of those resources in your area, we'd be glad to!
Hang in there and take good care of yourself. Circumstances and emotions shift and change, and in my experience aren't the best criteria for making life altering decisions. Those seem to be best made by overriding truths.
With Kindness,
Heather
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