I'm confused -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

I'm confused

Author:
shannon (confused,unhappy,and sad)

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Date Posted: 12/12/07 6:41am

I just found out I'm pregnant about a week ago. I really don't want this baby I am doing so many new things with my life right now that a baby would be really hard to cope with. I'm not really what you would call maternal I never wanted alot of children! I have one little girl already and I love her with all my heart! I really didn't want more. My husband says he wants a big family and that he thought we would have more children. He's very upset at what I am considering but I know that for me this may be the best way. I really can't say that I want another life time commitment to another child. I can't say I want this baby I've been trying to make myself want it thinking of the good things that I miss from when my little girl was a baby but I can't make myself be happy about any of this. I just keep saying to myself how I wish it had never happend. I'm scared if I do what I am considering doing (which I'm sure we all know what that is and I don't need to say it) that my husband will never forgive me that he may leave me but then I also know that I can't just have this baby to keep him. I do know that and this may sound selfish and I addmitt that at times I am a very selfish person, I don't want to spend my days changing dipers and taking care of infant again. I did not like it the first time my husband was never there to help me and I was always taking care of my daugther by myself when she was an infant. I was miserable then and didn't really become happy with the whole motherhood thing untill she got older. I can't make myself wanna do it again but I also want to make my husband happy I don't want to take the chance that he will hate me for it! I don't know what to do!!!!

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Re: I'm confused

Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 12/17/07 2:23pm

Hi Shannon,

It is so normal to not want an unplanned pregnancy, especially if you were not planning on having another child. When it happens by surprise, you feel like you've lost control over your own life. And I think a normal thing to do is to look for a way to get the control back. Abortion can seem like a way to "put things back to how there were". But we all know that it can never be how it was. You can end the pregnancy, but you can't make it so that it never existed. That means you have to live with the guilt of ending your child's existence. Even when you don't want the baby, there is a guilt that goes along with ending another human's life. I know it's not politically correct to say abortion is ending a life. But there is just no avoiding the reality of what it is. And if your fear lets you forget the reality for a while, chances are good that once "it's all over", the reality will slap you in the face.

It's important to remember that although most women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy are not happy at first, but almost without exception these ladies are so happy near the end of their pregnancy that they are counting the days to meet their little one. Once you fall in love with the baby, perspectives change.

I hope you are able to talk with your husband and let him know that you'll need his help with the baby. Don't be shy about telling him that this time around, you'd appreciate more help from him. Men can change diapers. I recommend a nice approach--it's easier to attract bees with honey than vinegar.

I hope you are able to avoid an abortion, and all the pain and guilt that go along with it. You will love your new addition--if only you allow yourself the opportunity.

I hope you will post here often. Please keep us posted.

Take care,

Shellie