Create a New Forum Admin Login Member Login Contribute to Voyager Search VoyForums Help Desk VoyForums Exchange VoyForums Directory/Categories VoyForums Homepage VoyForums News FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

Monday, April 22, 23:14:20

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, [4], 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

Subject: Re: Hi Stephanie Author: Pat [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 01/ 1/08 10:57pm In reply to: stephanie 's message, "Re: Hi Stephanie" on 01/ 1/08 3:15pm Hi, Stephanie, My heart goes out to you. If you aren't constantly at war in your own mind, it will relieve a lot of the stress. For you to protect your baby is NOT selfish. It requires some sacrifice, as you well know. Unfortunately, having an abortion will NOT make it end and go away. You will have had this precious child, and you will take away that precious protection and it will probably haunt you the rest of your life. Women who say they're fine with it aren't always telling the whole story. They don't feel they can talk about it, and they're still wishing it would all go away, and they think if they don't think about it, it will. The problem is, even though we are not consciously aware of it, we have already bonded with our children, and that bond will be disrupted, and emotionally it will affect us one way or another. Think of the possible consequences if you are harmed in some way and can't take care of your other children, or you lose interest in completing your studies. I have known women for whom this was tragic in itself. The consequences, both emotional and physical, are severe, and there is no guarantee you will be one of the lucky few. Please know that in order to do an abortion, they have to harm your body. Why? Because our bodies were designed to protect our children, and if they disrupt that, it causes grave harm. I think it is criminal you even have to MAKE such a decision. A pregnancy should bring joy, and as long as you have this hovering over your head, it won't. It is common for a woman not to want to be pregnant at first, even when the baby is very wanted, and it's a hormone thing. Did I tell you that I got my degree when we had four children, three of them preschoolers? I had the help of my husband part of the time, because he took care of them while I was in class. But you can get help from a crisis pregnancy agency to find a way to care for your children while you are in class. What's selfish about all of this? That you won't do your boyfriend's bidding and take care of the little problem so he can take advantage of you again. You're not thinking of him and putting his desires first. Well, it isn't his decision. It's yours, because you have to live with the consequences. He doesn't. And I think that's what is eating you emotionally. You don't want an abortion. You have made that very plain. You are not a good candidate, because you really don't want it. You have a right to have your baby. It may seem like a strange right, but believe me, you will understand if you protect that little one. Anyway, I urge you to protect your baby. If my experience has any validity, I can tell you that I have talked to hundreds of women, and in that time, I have only talked to a woman ONCE who wished she had had an abortion. And she fought to keep custody of her baby when they wanted to take her away. But the number of women who have expressed their regrets from having an abortion has been overwhelming. They would give anything to take it back, but they can't. Abortion is forever. At least as long as you are still pregnant, you have a choice. Abortion ends that choice. The most typical thing I hear these women say is, Not a day goes by that I don't think about that baby (the one they aborted). Please save yourself a lot of grief. Don't hurt yourself or your baby. We will help you find the resources you need to make it through school. Have you talked to someone at a crisis pregnancy agency yet? If not, PLEASE do. You can find one in your area by going here: www.pregnancycenters.org At least talk to them before you do anything. It is an opportunity to save your soul and your motherhood of all your children, and you most likely will always regret you didn't take a look at your options. Regardless of what you do, we will be here for you. We just won't help you hurt yourself or your baby. We love you both. Hugs, Pat [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Hi Stephanie Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 2/08 11:47am Hi Stephanie, It's really good to see a post from you. I was disappointed because I wrote a lengthy post to you over a week ago and somehow it got lost in cyberspace and never made it to the board. That happens sometimes. I absolutely agree with Pat, your decision to protect a human life instead of terminate it is the polar opposite of selfish. I think a lot of men struggle with perspective on the abortion issue. It's more challenging for them, I think, because they can know in their mind that the woman is pregnant but it doesn't register to the full extent of reality what it all means because it's not their body. If it's any consolation, you're not alone at all. It seems to be a trend for a lot of men to back out of a relationship when a hoped for abortion doesn't materialize. Unfortunately, many back out after the abortion, too. Too much strain and stress for the halfway committed, as you noted. The other good news is the same as the consolation - you're not alone! There are thousands and thousands of women who have been in your place and managed an unplanned pregnancy very well. Some women really surprise themselves. I think just about every woman posting here is a mother themself, and knows what's entailed with having a baby - both the sheer joys and the challenges. I don't think anyone here would try to say - 'it'll be no problem!' Clearly, it will be challenging if you have another baby. However, it will be challenging in quite different and possibly more devastating ways to have the abortion. Many post abortive women feel either months or years later that the choice was not the easy erase they thought they were signing up for. The permanence of it, of never being able to bring back the little human life ended can be extremely difficult to process and live with. I have also observed from my own life, and the lives of others that stressful and daunting circumstances are never chronic. They have their seasons just like those of joy and ease. Most women who post here undecided about whether or not to abort experience a tremendous ease of pain and stress once the decision to walk away from abortion has been made. It's as if the biggest hurdle of inner conflict has been cleared and they are free to focus their attention and energy on 'plan b' and moving on with the unplanned pregnancy and flex with it. Have you explored and tapped into all the resources available to you right now? If you haven't contacted your local Pregnancy Resource Center yet I highly recommend it. They have all resources available to you under one roof, and are extremely supportive and compassionate towards women working through unplanned pregnancies. All of their services are free; they've been a huge, huge help to a lot of women. I'm glad that you've held your ground this long! And impressed with your strength. You don't have to have it all together to be doing ok right now. Try to figure out the things that are most important to you and let the other things take care of themselves. With Kindness, Heather P.S. - Don't forget to take good care of yourself! It's really easy to neglect that during stressful times, but you need sleep, eat well, get a decent amount of exercise and give yourself time to think.