Re: Can't decide? -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
stephanie (numb)

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Date Posted: 01/10/08 10:47am
In reply to: Stephanie 's message, "Can't decide?" on 12/19/07 12:34pm

Well, I went to a pregnancy center that was recomended and found it to be a comfort. I always sway from one moment to the next. I haven't been to any of my classes this week-I can't seem to drag myself, I know I won't be able to concentrate. I had some time alone with my mother yesterday and decided to tell that I was pregnant and undecided. She said that she would be supportive. Well, that lasted until this morning when she called and told me that it was my problem I did this to my self and that my other children should not have to suffer b/c I didn't want to have to have pain of the abortion or the thoughts afterwards and that I should have to be the one to suffer not the children. I feel numb. I can't stop crying and my heart is beating so fast I'm sure I'll have a heart attack. I don't understand why she said that? I couldn't talk to her. I really feel so ashamed maybe everyone is right-maybe it is selfish to think that it would be in anyone's interest to keep my baby. I don't think that I could place it up for adopotion though. It really feels like it's one or the other.

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Replies:

[> [> Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 01/10/08 10:28pm

Stephanie,

Wow, what an unpleasant surprise that must have been; I'm so sorry. I can't really understand why your mother would say that either, unless she's just stressed for you and her grandchildren and not thinking too clearly.

I think, I would hope, in her clearer thoughts she'd know that your children wouldn't possibly want you to kill your newest arrival, their sibling, or think that you were 'selfish' for having him or her. As a mother to four myself, I know children are pretty immune a lot of the time to the stressors we adults consider. My guess is that they will be thrilled with the idea of a new brother or sister.

You know you're not alone in hearing extremely unhelpful venting from a loved one at this time. It happens all the time, whether the loved one is a spouse, parent, or well meaning friend or family member.

Sometimes people get caught up with their own concerns and forget to truly consider what would be in your best interest.

And in thinking of you, Stephanie, for a moment aside from the little one you're carrying, I just can't see how it would be in your best interest to ask you to go against your instincts and terminate the life inside you. Financial woes
are a dime a dozen,as are misgivings about not being ready for a baby, but the grief that can come from feeling pressured into making a choice you find anything but liberating can last a lifetime.

I'm sure your mother loves you, and you may be hearing from her again with a toned down perspective, who know. I think her original response was probably correct. But regardless I think it would be a good thing for you to come to terms with your own choices, and not feel as though you have to make one to please anyone else. Ultimately, they are not the ones who will be living with the results.

Hang in there Stephanie; we're pulling for you!

With Kindness,

Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 01/11/08 1:11am

Stephanie, I am so sorry your mother is treating you this way.

It's wrong for other people to pressure you to go against your maternal instincts.

Most parents will be upset at first when they learn their daughter is pregnant under circumstances such as yours. Most of them get past it. You have to give them time.

I pray that God will comfort you and dry your tears. Follow your heart. Make sure you are taking your prenatal vitamins, and try to get enough rest. It's no good crying all the time. You can get past this. Take one day at a time. Tell the crisis pregnancy agency what you are going through. I'm sure they have some books that will comfort you. Also, read the Psalms. Other people have been through times of dark depression, and I think they will help.

We are praying for you, and we love all of you, including your new little one.

Hugs,
Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 01/11/08 2:05pm

Stephanie,

I'm sorry your mother is not 100% supportive right now, but I agree with the others who've posted that she will likely come around. I just feel so strongly that if YOU don't want to have an abortion, YOU shouldn't have one - regardless of what ANYONE else says. I have never known of anyone regretting NOT having had an abortion - but I know of way too many who have regretted having had an abortion...and then it's too late.

I'll say a prayer for you - that you feel strengthened and at peace with bringing your little one into the world. Some day, years from now, you'll look back at this time and be so incredibly grateful that you had the inner strength to know what was right for you and to stand firm in spite of the circumstances and attitudes of some of the people around you. In fact, you'll probably be hard-pressed to even remember all of the fears that are plaguing you right now - but you'll know the joy and love of your child.

Sharon

[> [> Subject:

Re: Can't decide?

Author:
Debbie (Hope this helps you)
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Date Posted: 04/26/08 8:02pm

Stephanie, 21 years ago I was in a very similar situation. Anyway, after one earlier abortion, I prayed and knew God did not want me to have an abortion. It was the Lord who was tugging at my heart. I too went to the abortion clinic and walked out. Anyway, my daughter was born 7 months later and I chose to give her up for adoption. The most wonderful family adopted Danielle and yes I cried when they took her away from me but I knew it was a blessing upon my soul to choose life. Only recently, Danielle located me and we spoke on the phone. she thanked me and told me she loves me and thank you for chosing life and giving her to a wonderful mom and dad. I thank the Lord Jesus daily that Danielle has had a wonderful life. Would you believe here it is years later and my now husband and I adopted a little boy that was supose to be aborted and God introduced the birthmom to us and here is Josh. Josh is now 6 and my kiss from heaven. Please contact me if I can help you in any way. Ladies, Life is beautiful and there are many couples out there who have loving hearts and there is no need to choose abortion. Lots of love, Debbie