i feel empty inside.. need to talk to someone who understands, please -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

i feel empty inside.. need to talk to someone who understands, please

Author:
Kay (numb, empty, hating myself)

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Date Posted: 06/10/08 8:09pm

two years ago, when i was 18, i got pregnant unexpectedly. i had just begun seeing a new guy and was crazy about him, i really thought he was different and i was falling in love. before we were exclusive, i spent one night with an ex of mine so when i found out i was pregnant i didn't know who the father was and i was so ashamed. the guy left me for another girl before i even told him about the pregnancy. i was scared, immature, and i freaked out. i got an abortion, thinking i could just make it all go away and never think about it again, but i was wrong. i sobbed uncontrollably through the whole thing, i didn't want to have the abortion but i felt like i just had no choice. ever since that horrible day i've been different. i feel different. at first i just felt numb. now i feel empty, disgusted with myself, and angry. i feel like if my baby didn't get to live, i don't deserve to live either. getting intimate with guys makes me feel sick to my stomach. i don't know why i feel this way and i don't know how to make it better. i can't tell my parents, and my friends wouldn't understand the way i feel. i need to know that someone understands. i feel so alone and sad and i cant stop thinking about it and hating myself for it. to make it worse, after i got the abortion they told me that my uterus has a condition that could make it hard for me to carry a baby to term in the future, and ive always known i want kids someday. what if i aborted my only chance? i can't forgive myself for this. i just need to talk to somebody

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: i feel empty inside.. need to talk to someone who understands, please

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 06/11/08 11:38am

Kay,

I am so sorry you are going through this. It was wrong for them not to warn you about this possibility. I am well aware of the horrible repercussions an abortion experience can have.

I have had some problems myself. I had horrible nightmares for months after my own experience, and I didn't even actually go through with an abortion. Just the thought I could have done that was enough! So I have a small inkling of how you feel.

I don't normally do this, but I am going to leave my email address. Please feel free to write to me. This is because I don't visit this board that often. I will be here for you, and I'll talk to you about each of the things you are experiencing. Please know that God loves you, and He has already paid for your abortion, so you can seek forgiveness with Him. Read the Psalms. I think you will find them comforting. I want to tell you about two people, and how God dealt with them. The first was King David. David wanted Bathsheba, so he sent her husband to the front lines in battle so that he would be killed, and David could have Bathsheba. But not only did God forgive him, but He said David was a man after His own heart, and He arranged that David would be in the lineage of Jesus. The other one was Saul. Saul went around murdering Christians. He was involved in the stoning of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. What did God do about it? He appeared to Saul on the road to Damascus, and called him to become an apostle. I owe my faith to Saul (Paul) because he preached to my ancestors.

If God can and will do this for these two men, He WILL forgive your sin. All you have to do is ask with a sincere heart.

Forgiving yourself is often harder. But it can be done. You can experience spiritual healing. Ask God to help you forgive yourself.

You can get one-on-one counseling, usually from a woman who has experienced abortion herself, and there are other programs as well. To find a program in your area, go to this web site: pregnancycenters.org.

You will be in my prayers. Jesus loves you, and so do we.

Hugs,
Pat