| Subject: Re: He doesn't want me to have the baby |
Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/14/07 10:25pm
In reply to:
Alison
's message, "He doesn't want me to have the baby" on 08/13/07 5:19pm
Hi, Alison,
If you don't want an abortion, don't have one!
The best thing to begin with is to tell him you have decided you don't want an abortion and it's not open to discussion. If he tries to discuss it, walk out of the room. If he follows you, tell him you are leaving the room and he is not to follow you. If he still persists, walk outside. Don't discuss it with him. Tell him again, it's not open to discussion.
If he thinks not being married yet is a problem, tell him you should get married. Go to your local crisis pregnancy agency, and they will help you with the expenses you cannot presently afford. They will also help you learn how to deal with him.
Obviously, lying to him was not a good thing, and I wouldn't say anything about that just yet. Don't count on him backing off because you are further along. Depending on where you live, abortion MAY be legal until birth. It is in the United States.
Most men don't relate to pregnancy until they can observe evidence that the baby really exists. It could be seeing changes in the mother's body, hearing a heartbeat, feeling motion, or seeing an ultrasound. Give him time and space. But stand firm.
If worse comes to worst, simply tell him that you aren't willing to live with someone who wants you to do violence to the child you share. If necessary, take your own kids and go someplace else for a few days. Go on strike, so to speak. Be firm with him, but if he is willing simply to acquiesce, let it go at that for now. It would be wonderful for him to be supportive, but a lot of guys aren't to begin with. Eventually he is very likely to come around. Just try to make clear to him that you feel that if he is worthy of you, he won't make you do this, and this is a test where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. We'll be here for you. I think he will come around. You both have too much going for you for him to give up. If you have gotten help, and he sees that you have a plan for dealing with the pregnancy, it will help. Babies aren't that expensive in some ways. If you breastfeed, food won't cost much. You can probably get diapers from a crisis pregnancy agency as well, and medical costs can often be taken care of there as well. Good luck with this.
Hugs,
Pat
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