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Wednesday, April 24, 22:14:25

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Subject: very confused and scared Author: melissa [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 10/11/07 7:47am I'm 7 weeks pregnant, I have 4 children already and am a single mom again. I have a daughter that is 10,and one who is 8, and i have 3 month old twins a boy and a girl. Was in what i thought was a great relationship with a man whom i've been friends with for the past 13 years and who was great with my 2 daughters from a previous relationship, he seemed thrilled with the twins, wanted to have my tubes tied after the birth of the twins but he wanted one more so i didn't do it. After beieng home for awhile and seeing the expense and work we decied I should have my tubes tied. He was in Iraq after the twins were 1 week old so i didn't go on birth control. He came home for one week when the twins were 1 1/2 months and we got pregnant again. Since then he has left us and does not want this baby, I don't think i can do it, the twins would only be 10 months old when this one came and i am already tired and finacially strapped, he said he would pay for an abortion but i am very confused about it, and scared of the proccess as well. would love any advice at all. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: very confused and scared Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/11/07 1:59pm Melissa, I'm very glad you came, and I am so sorry the father is acting like such a jerk! He has NO RIGHT to make that demand of you! Abortion is dangerous. It could cause you to become seriously disabled so you can't care for your children, or even kill you. It's not worth it! There are lots of resources available for women in your position. Here's a link to a list where you can find agencies in your area that will help you: www.pregnancycenters.org We will also be here for you. Come here and rant any time, or just let us know how you are doing. With two daughters 10 and 8, you should be able to get a lot of help with the things around the house and it will be very good for them; it will help make them competent women and build character. If he is in the military, you might want to consider going to his commanding officer and telling him what this jerk has done, if he persists in his attitude and keeps pressuring you. I don't know how wise that is, but it seems to me the military wants men to live up to their obligations, so they should be helpful. Ask around among the military wives and see what they can tell you about this. In the meantime, give the father some space. A lot of guys don't relate to pregnancy until they can experience some evidence for themselves. They have to see an ultrasound, or hear the heartbeat, or feel movement, or observe changes in the mother's body. Unfortunately, none of those things happen before most abortions. Some men don't relate until the baby is born. But you should NOT let him pressure you into anything you can't take back. Abortion is forever. And at the very least, it will affect your ability to mother your other children adversely, and somehow they will detect that there is a problem, and it will cause anxiety. If he still acts like a jerk when the opportunity for him to observe these changes has happened, then is when I'd go to his commanding officer. This is especially true if he stays away and refuses to learn about the baby you are carrying. He was willing to take a chance. He took that chance and lost. Oh well! I have NO sympathy for men who demand a woman submit to an abortion. And then, he DID tell you he wanted one more! Your baby is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby! Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: very confused and scared Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/11/07 3:11pm It's really easy, sometimes, for a guy to suggest abortion because they don't have the connection that the mother does early on. To them it is just an abstract concept. That is why sometimes their attitudes can change so dramatically from earlier to later. You do have your hands full. What sort of support do you have? The thing I would recommend, regardless of what you end up doing, is that you find some support and help where you are. For instance, there are support groups for mother's with multiples that might be helpful to you. If you have a church, you can sometimes find support there. There are also Crisis Pregnancy Centers that can refer you to community resources. I can't promise you all of a sudden things will be easier if you keep this baby. I am quite sure that you feel you cannot do this alone; and you could be right, but you don't necessarily have to. You just might have to rely on others besides the father, at least in the beginning. You never know, either, as he may well change his mind once he sees an ultrasound photo, or the baby. At either rate, the abortion just alleviates him from his responsibility and he would be financially responsible for this baby, including medical. At any rate, you have options other than abortion if that is not what you really want deep down. I know when you are so tired and strapped, it just seems easier, but it isn't always so simple. Hang in there, and let me know if I can do anything. I'm not always on this board, but please, do feel free to e-mail me anytime. --Melanie

[> Subject: Re: very confused and scared Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/15/07 2:24pm Melissa, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through! You must be a mess of emotions! My heart goes out to you. I'm sure you're feeling hopeless right now. I was wondering a few things: 1) What happened to your and your husband's marriage? 2) Is there any chance you'll get back together? 3) Do you have any support from family and friends? 4) I'm sure you've thought about how having this baby would cause problems (a normal thought process that goes along with an unplanned pregnancy). Have you considered how aborting would affect you? You do not have to answer any of those questions....but I hope you will. It may help me know what to say. Thoughts and prayers, Shellie