| Subject: Re: what do i do? |
Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 05/29/07 10:14am
In reply to:
Sheree
's message, "what do i do?" on 05/28/07 9:55pm
Sheree,
I'm so glad you found this board. When I found I was unexpectedly pregnant years ago I, too, felt very conflicting emotions. My mother thought I should have an abortion, my father was firmly against abortion, and my friends thought I should have an abortion. I didn't know what to do. I was leaning against abortion, but it looked like that was the only solution. But, it turns out it was my pro-choice step-mother (an ob gyn nurse) who gave me the most personal and meaningful advice: She said I know YOU, Sharon, and I know YOU could never live with YOURself if you had an abortion. She was right. I would have been emotionally devastated if I had killed the life growing in me so that I could live my life as I wished. She then pulled out her nursing textbooks and showed me pictures of fetal development. I was totally blown away! Instead of a tiny "blob of tissue" or "mass of cells" as Planned Parenthood kept referring to "it", the 10-week little one growing in me looked like a miniature human being! He had a heart that was beating, brain waves, tiny fingers and toes. It was amazing. (If you are seriously thinking of abortion, you should visit some of the post-abortive sites to read the stories of women who've been in your shoes but have chosen abortion - many wish they could turn back the clock and choose differently. I've known many women who regret having an abortion, but I've NEVER known of a woman who regretted NOT having an abortion.) I ended up cancelling the appointment I had for an abortion and for the next 7 months I fully intended to place my baby for adoption. But, during the 8th month, I decided that I would raise him myself. Word can't describe how incredibly grateful I am to my step-mother for being honest with me and avoiding the standard mantra of "it's a woman's choice". It IS, but what they fail to tell you is that you're going to have to live with that choice and some pretty difficult emotional baggage that will go with it.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say (in a very round-about way ;-) is that from what you've said in your post (your concern that "im scared i'll never be able to forgive myself if i go ahead with an abortion") it makes me think that you are probably one of those who WOULD tend to feel guilt, remorse and regret over an abortion. Also, your comments "i know this child is a gift, but who is it addressed to?" and "i know i cant give it the life it deserves" make me think that adoption might be a very viable option for you. Have you heard of open adoptions? Thye are where you and the adoptive family choose a level of contact that you'll maintain with the baby as he or she grows up. For some, it's a simply birthday card, for others the biological has full visitation - it's completely up to the people involved. That way, you get the best of both worlds: you allow your little one to be raised by a family that can devote the time and energy that you can't right now, but you ALSO get to watch your child grow up and maintain a relationship with him or her. It's very much a win-win-win (a positive for the adoptive family that is yearning for a child, a positive for your little one who gets the gift of life, and a positive for YOU as you GIVE your little one the gift of life.)
So, the only really pressing decision is the abortion decision. I think that if you decide against abortion, you'll find a tremendous load off your shoulders. Then, you can take a great deal of time to decide between adoption and raising your little one. As the pregnancy goes along, you'll know more and more which route to take.
I'll say a prayer for you.
Sharon
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