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Thursday, March 28, 6:27:59Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 12345[6]78910 ]
Subject: Re: guilt and regret


Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 06/13/07 2:37pm
In reply to: Sandee 's message, "Re: guilt and regret" on 06/13/07 7:08am

Hi Sandee. I think you are refreshing. I have, in my time, seen a lot of moms literally pushing their daughters in the door of the clinic. The daughters sometimes even protesting, but then when they are asked they will usually give in.

As for tough love, you know your daughter. I would definitely consider a tougher approach, but you know her personality. Ask her if she has seen what happens during an abortion. Tell her she will see someday, even if she doesn't want to know now. Sometimes that works and other times they will do pretty much the opposite of whatever you want. Has she talked to you about it much? Obviously you at least know. I would want to know what the boyfriend is saying. If he (and possibly his parents) are having a say in this, then perhaps it would help if you didn't make any immediate financial demands on them. I think a lot of guys and their families just see 18 years of child support and don't consider the long term effects or consequences. Just let her know that she and her baby will be very supported, she doesn't have to give up her dreams (if you are willing and able to help her.) She also will not be the same. If she has an abortion she doesn't just go back like nothing happened. I think a lot of young girls don't realize this - they may know it, but they just want things to be like before. You don't just become unpregnant. You always know. It will change her either way. She can meet the challenge of being a new parent or harden her heart and have that process affect here that way. Also, you might let her know that most relationships do not survive an abortion, if she still wants to continue a relationship with the baby's father. Obviously having a baby is difficult as well, but an abortion seems to kill a relationship very quickly. Pregnancy has a way of testing a guy's committment level real quickly.

I will say one thing, if you know where the clinic is, it would be good to be there, even though it would be difficult, but you should under no circumstances take her. You probably know that already, but some parents will take their daughter to show love, but if she has problems later, then it often backfires.

My heart really goes out to you. Sometimes, I know it would be nice to painlessly knock sense into them. (Not advocating violence here, but I think you'll know what I mean.) I can see that you love your daughter. If she does not listen to you, then we can point you in the direction of support hopefully for both of you.

Hang in there and don't give up until it's over.

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