Re: Unplanned... -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

Re: Unplanned...

Author:
Melanie

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Date Posted: 06/28/07 11:42am
In reply to: Erin 's message, "Unplanned..." on 06/27/07 8:15pm

Hi Erin,

It's pretty tough when the dad isn't supportive. Most likely he is just scared. I don't know if it will help, but you could reassure him that no one is ever "ready" for a baby, and point out to him all the positives about your situation in being ready (good job, etc.) If he says he doesn't know how he will feel, tell him, "most likely like a proud papa." LOL First reaction to the news of pregnancy is like that for some guys, and they often do change over time, especially if you are resolute as you seem to be. I know it somehow doesn't seem fair that you are in the position of reassuring him when you most need reassurance, but it already sounds like he is starting to relax a little bit. Just hang in there, and rely on those that are happy for you to get you through until he gets used to the idea.

Have you scheduled your first visit yet? I know seeing an ultrasound does often help. It really helps for the guys to see something tangible and "real".

Anyway, keep me posted and feel free to e-mail me anytime if I can be of any help.

--Melanie

P.S. I am happy for you! Congrats!!!

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned...

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 06/28/07 2:55pm

Erin,

Congratulations!

This is where the rubber meets the road. Will this man cherish you both? Only time will tell. I'd talk to him about how you need to find out whether or not he truly is the man for you. Tell him that he is asking you to commit violence against the child who is the product of your love. Ask him why he would do this. Tell him your child already has a heartbeat.

Tell him gently. Give him something to think about.

It may also be that he simply doesn't understand that your baby already exists, and needs your protection. Try to explain to him about this, about how your baby is developing. Lots of people have bought into the lie that this is just a blob of cells, and something less than human. The more you can tell him about your baby's development, the better.

Then give him space and time. Guys don't connect with the reality of pregnancy and a new baby in the same way women do, and it takes them longer.

Then start talking to him about how you will plan for the future. You're both old enough and should be responsible enough to become a family. You ARE a family, but it would be best to make it a true reality. You're in this together.

Your experience with the father's rejection is very common, and if you are at all like most women (and I imagine you are), the father's support would mean more than the support of anyone else. But he's coming around. Hang in there. You will know soon enough if he is potentially a good father. We'll be here for you.

Hugs,

Pat