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Subject: Unplanned pregnancy... Freaking out... please help Author: Jon (state of panic) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/14/06 12:21am My girlfriend(16) is freaking out. We're both sexually active. We constantly use protection especially the spermicide condoms. However, it seems as if she's pregnant because she's missed her period. And she's usually normal and consistent with her period. Now she's freaking out and in a state of panic. She goes to a Christian private school and if she's pregnant... she'll be kicked out. She's scared her parents and friends are all going to hate her. She also wants to commit suicide or run away because of this fear. I'm ready to stand firm and accept my responsiblity for what we've done. But how do I help my girlfriend who i care for more than anything in the world. I want to reassure her that everything will be ok... but she doesn't want to hear that. What do i do? I don't want to lose the only person keeping me alive. Please give me some sort of advice. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned pregnancy... Freaking out... please help Author: luka [Edit] Date Posted: 07/14/06 4:36am Firstly your girlfriend needs to take a test to see if she is in fact pregnant. Being late for a period does not allways equal pregnancy. You can get a urine pregnancy test kit from a chemist and they are not expensive. No point in worrying untill you have all of the information. I think it's really cool that you are willing to stick by your girlfriend and i commend you on your strength of character and willingness to take resopnsibilty if in fact she is pregnant. Please do let us know what the test result is and if she is pregnant there are lots of wonderful women on this board who can lead you in the right direction.

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned pregnancy... Freaking out... please help Author: Melanie [Edit] Date Posted: 07/14/06 4:52am First things first: Has she had a pregnancy test? Although a missed period is a sign of pregnancy, it can also have other causes. There is no reason to panic if she hasn't even been tested yet. For some counsel and support she could try locating a crisis pregnancy center (CPC). A CPC can offer a bit of support through her situation as well as practical help, and they also offer a free pregnancy test. Your girlfriend's fears are real and genuine fears, and although things will likley be O.K. in the long run, in the short run things may be a tad topsey turvey for a while. Don't try to "minimize" them, but help her work through them. If she is pregnant, the best thing you can really do is to just keep reassuring her of what you have already said here. Fear of telling parents is very common, and very powerful. Most of the time the fear turns out to be the worst part. Encourage her to tell her parents because getting that out of the way takes off an enormous amount of pressure. Offer to go with her if that will help (and if her dad is not prone to violence. LOL) If it makes her feel better, plan out best and worst case scenarios and show her that they can be dealt with. It is unlikely that everyone is going to hate her, although a few of her friends most likely won't know how to handle it, especially in the beginning. It's not unusual, however, to find many who will stand by her during this time as well and she may even make some good friends in the process. You find out who your true friends are... which by itself is a tad scary. Is there anyone at the school that she respects and trusts that might be supportive? If so, see if she will seek the counsel of that person. Has anyone at her school gotten pregnant before? What happened? Does she have any real events to base her fears on, or just what she expects? At any rate, I admire you for being willing to take responsibility. That is the biggest and best thing you can do for her. --Melanie P.S. Let me know what you find out. If you need help finding a center, please feel free to e-mail me.

[> [> Subject: Re: Unplanned pregnancy... Freaking out... please help Author: Tracey [Edit] Date Posted: 07/14/06 7:51am Jon~ Welcome to our board! We're so glad you found us! First things first, you need to find out if she is in fact pregnant. A missed period could be the result of many different issues besides pregnancy. I think it's wonderful that you are being so supportive and loving...we usually have the opposite situation here. Since she's missed her period, a regulalr home pregnancy test will do fine. If she is in fact pregnant, we will be more than happy to help guide and direct you both. But first, find out for sure! This may be an eye opener for you both as well...it helps you to realize this is why God specifically created sex for marriage. But I'm not here to preach...nobody's perfect! :) Jon, please continue to keep us posted and let us know the results! We're here for you! God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned pregnancy... Freaking out... please help Author: Pat [Edit] Date Posted: 07/15/06 1:32am Hi, Jon, Everyone else has talked about some preliminary things, but I want to speak about a consideration a little more in the future. You have said your girlfriend is afraid she will be expelled from her Christian school if it turns out she's pregnant. I strongly urge you both to go to a crisis pregnancy agency, because this will be important especially for this issue. If the school policy says that a student who becomes pregnant will be expelled, then they have a policy, and you will need to seek to have that policy changed or an exception made. I don't want to see the school ignore this, because it is an important issue, and they don't want to encourage the students to become pregnant. However, that said, there are several things they should be aware of. God said, "Thou shalt not kill." This means that if she takes the route of concealing her pregnancy by killing the child, she has now disobeyed God on two different issues. It seems to me that being willing to protect her baby is a sign of great strength and Christian courage. Tell the school that she is going to protect her baby because God commands it, and God made all of us in His own image. Thus, for her to have an abortion to keep the school from expelling her would be a grievous sin. I can't tell you what the outcome will be if this becomes an issue, but I think you will have to try to get the school not to hurt her. Remember that Jesus forgave the woman taken in adultery, and told her to go and sin no more. It may be that your girlfriend will need to go to another place to complete her pregnancy and then she can come back. But people will know. If people find out she had an abortion, then the school would also be within their rights to expel her for that reason. And it's not certain it can be kept a secret. For one thing, you both know, and all it takes is one person knowing. For another she could be harmed by the abortion, and then people will find out. Abortions are not safe. So it's important for her to come clean with the school and to face the music. It's fortunate it's summer. She won't be facing this problem in the middle of the school year. Sometimes when God closes one door, He opens another. I have a friend whom I first met because she was considering abortion. She had one baby whom she gave up for adoption. She wanted to go to a Christian college very badly, and that was one reason she thought about it. But I encouraged her not to have an abortion. She decided to parent her son. The adoptive mother of her daughter was incredibly supportive, and now the two siblings play together. And even though my friend didn't go to a Christian college, she has done very, very well, and has made a real contribution she otherwise wouldn't have made. She has opened the eyes of many people. As she said, "Isaiah is the miracle from God I didn't know I needed." You can see my friend's web site here: www.lifemothers.com We will be praying for all three of you. Take care, and please give our love to your girlfriend. She is also welcome to come here. I want to commend you for your courage and your maturity. Pat