Create a New Forum Admin Login Member Login Contribute to Voyager Search VoyForums Help Desk VoyForums Exchange VoyForums Directory/Categories VoyForums Homepage VoyForums News FAQ - Frequently Asked Questions

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

Wednesday, April 24, 10:30:26

[ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, [9], 10 ]

Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: Melanie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 07/12/06 1:22am In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "First pregnancy" on 07/ 9/06 8:50pm Hi Jacqueline, I can understand your concerns. It's hard to accept help from others. However, it is no crime to accept a little help. There is a big difference between depending on everyone else for everything and accepting a little help. I know very few parents (even better off ones) who don't get hand me downs for children's clothing at least sometimes. I mean it doesn't make sense to just toss them. LOL Just curious, what makes you think your relationship with Domenic would not survive with a child? I can tell you that an abortion usually is not the best thing for any relationship. If the relationship is going to survive, it will, pregnancy or not. Relationships are work, but I think it's worth it in the end. :) (BTW, my husband and I only knew each other 11 months before we got married.) I don't think you are a selfish "B****" but I think you are a little afraid of the future with this baby. Am I right? The future is never certain, with or without a baby. What you want is not really uncommon nor necessarily bad, although it may be a tad unrealistic. Even in the best relationships there are and will be problems. I know.. I've been married 30 years! ;) I know that things weren't always the best for you, but how are they now? I know when we had children that we always have had times of plenty and times when things were not as great financially. Not very many people start out with a lot and always have a lot. As for your boyfriend's parents, why not tell them before you go ahead and see how they do? Give them a chance. I know it's really scary!! IT's hard to go into a situation with someone you don't know well, especially when you don't think it's the best of news. I hope I'm not coming across like I'm "lecturing" or anything. But do stop and think. The way things are now are not necessarily how they will always be. You don't have to settle... it is possible that with a little help and planning you can make things work for you and your baby. Maybe that's something the both of you deserve. --Melanie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/12/06 11:19am Hi Jacqueline, I'm an ex-welfare recipient, single mom. I only needed that help for a short time—but I still have my child (he’s 13 years old now). I was a single mom for the first 3 years of his life, which did not harm him. Don’t get me wrong; I strongly believe that it’s best for a child to have a 2-parent home. But, I already had made the huge mistake of having sex out of wedlock (and with a man who would make a terrible father), the least I could do was strive to give my child the best life possible despite the choices I had made up to that point. It’s normal to feel as though you can’t make it--but you can! And you don’t need welfare to do it. I checked out your website—very good! This is a new business? Why not give it some time to see if it takes off? You are newly pregnant so you still have several months to change your finances. If the business isn’t successful there are other jobs out there. And even if your boyfriend isn’t rich, he can certainly help care for his child. For some reason we woman are so afraid of “messing up the guy’s life” that we are willing to sacrifice our own child in order to not do that. You mentioned that you feel your relationship would not survive if you had this baby. But will it survive an abortion? You really should look into how an abortion affects relationships/marriages. Many times women abort a pregnancy because they do not have the support of their boyfriend/husband. Then when they are grieving the loss of their child, they can easily feel resentment toward the boyfriend for making them feel they had to abort. Male Role is Frequently Crucial in Abortion Decision http://www.nrlc.org/news/2002/NRL04/strahan.html Talk to you soon! Shellie

[> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: Jacqueline [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/12/06 4:51pm you are all right..if my relationship with dom is meant to last then it will last no matter what i do. Im seriously considering keeping the baby..i mean its not like it will be here tomorrow i have time...my only worry is i wouldnt be able to afford living on my own and i cant live at home with a baby..my step father would go nuts! I wouldnt have to work i would get maternity leave at my job for 18 months..but where would i live??? all my friends tell me to keep it that they will help me i know i would have a lot of help but...i dont even know how to approach this issue with dom...its terrifying for me. I almost feel like im decieving him. If he didnt want to be a part of this i guess i would be ok with that i wouldnt expect anything from him. Can i come live with you guys lol...im just kidding!!! is it normal to be showing at 5 weeks?? maybe its more then 1..i definately have a belly..most people cant notice but i know my body my boyfriend notices as does my mom...you think i might be having twins??? My mom is a twin it could be possible....did anyone here have the problem of having nowhere to live when they were faced with their unplanned pregnancy??

[> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 07/12/06 5:41pm Shellie i agree i have had an abortion primarily for a man and after the anesthetic wore off i was so angry! I mean SO angry..not just at myself but at HIM. It's like AHHHHHH my baby is gone! This panic/dread, despair/anger, this horrid feeling of oh no! What have i done? I ended up pregnant again only about 5 months later and kept that baby and things worked out ok. Allthough i still suffered resentment towards the father about the fact that he pushed me to have an abortion(s) (he is the same father of the baby i am carrying now. And well you all know the details about my situation so it's not a great surprise to me that he desperately wants me to kill yet another of his children even though he claims to love our other two more than anything. I had to bite my tounge evey time he tried to claim love for me or our children when it seemed all too easy for him to forget that there were others we never got the chance to get to know for what turned out to be no valid reason at all. I will have to do the same when the baby i am carrying is born because i know he will want to see him or her and will carry on like he has some right to the child. Right now i feel so angry typing this after he threatened and abused me to convince me to kill our child after i told him i was pregnant. Now though i don't want to be with any man who wouldn't stand by me and his unborn child should i fall pregnant under any circumstances. I am more of the mind of if a relationship can't survive a pregnancy i mean what are you doing in it to begin with? Seems pretty conditional to me and not someone i would likely feel safe in depending on in any way emotional or otherwise. Natures way is that (eventually) we are supposed to reproduce. I mean thats one of the (many) aspects of the man-woman union. It's seems utterly backwards and unatural to be in a relationship that coudln't survive having a baby. And what Heather said i would like to second-"Would you have preferred that your mother have ended your life rather than have you and love you and do her best to raise you?". I have trouble believing that you haven't enjoyed your life at all. And as for money making all the difference in the world. When i was a teenager i went to live with my 'well off' father for a little while. I was miserable - because he is not a warm man , he is pedantic and not loving. The only things he gave me were material, and they were cold and empty. His money did not make me happy or feel secure. What i wanted and needed was to feel loved above all else. Please don't discount your love as a secondary need it is the Primary* ingredient to being a good parent and having a happy child. The kind of love most parents feel for their children can move mountains and spur you to pursue your dreams and goals with a force of will you never knew you had.