Re: First pregnancy(no one understands) -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject:

Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)

Author:
Melanie

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Date Posted: 07/16/06 12:22am
In reply to: Jacqueline 's message, "Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)" on 07/15/06 5:55am

Hi Jacqueline,

I think you actually hit the nail on the head. Poor Dom, you won't harm his baby, but no empathy for you if you don't kill your child? I don't think people often reason that part through.

There are people out there, including us, who will be supportive. Do your best to find and surround yourself with those people. Also, the best thing you can do is stand firm. The more firmly you get across that an abortion isn't in the plans, the more likely it is for people to get the notion out of their minds. IN a few months the baby will be obvious and abortion is likely to seem less like something that can be pushed for.

I had to chuckle about them saying it wasn't fair to Dom. I guess I was raised with the notion that "life's not fair." I think my kids knew it by heart. LOL It might be a good retort.

If you need support near you, you might try a Crisis Pregnancy Center. They will support your decision to keep your baby and maybe you will feel less isolated until everyone else comes around.

And please continue to come here and let us all now how you are doing and vent if you need to.

--Melanie

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Replies:

[> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy(no one understands)

Author:
luka
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Date Posted: 07/16/06 2:18am

Yep i have to agree with what Heather said people do come around once they know that you are not going to have an abortion. Because the more advanced your pregnancy becomes the harder it will be for them to deny the fact that this is a baby we are talking about here (even though we know that it is allways your baby from now untill the end of his or her life). It would be blantantly cruel of them to abandon you when all you did was keep your baby , i would be surprised if when you are visibly pregnant or when you have your baby in your arms that they would still be telling you 'oh you should have had an abortion blah blah." Unfortunately for some people even other women what they can't feel, let alone see can make it easy for them to pretend that there isn't a growing baby inside not only that but it's not just a growing baby inside, it's 'your' growing baby, your little boy or girl in there. Your poor boyfriend? He has all the support in the world right now for not wanting his own child! Youre the one i have sympathy for not him. I hope he apologises and thanks you for being strong when this baby is born because you deserve that at the very least. Once again i will say that if he can look at an ultrasound picture of yours and his baby or after your baby is born if he can look at him or her and say nope still think this was a mistake how could you have done this to me? Then what sort of human being is he anyway? To be able to look at his newborn child and wish he or she was not here.
I have some support regarding my pregnancy with my mother and grandmother but appart from that i am also aware of my babys father not wanting my child also so i understand how it feels to know in your bones that youre doing the right thing but to have alot of other people saying you're not or worse in my case. It's very confusing! More so if you buy into the many and varried ways that they are trying to convince you that you should abort your baby. Imagine if you had an abortion based on what they said and inevitably you would feel hollow and depressed and a whole bunch of other inexplicable emotions. The people urging you to have an abortion would be celebrating inside happy that you did what was in their minds 'the right thing' waiting for you to just 'get over it'. Ugh it makes me ill to think about it. Be strong and let them feel ashamed when your beautiful baby has arrived.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: First pregnancy..

Author:
Jacqueline
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Date Posted: 07/16/06 6:43am

My poor sweet boyfriend i finally told him last night that i dont think i can go through with having an abortion. Dom is not one to verbalize anything he keeps everything in. I actually wrote him a letter of everything i felt how it felt to have his growing child inside of me. After he read the letter he just put it down, put his hand over his face and cried and cried..its the first time he cried infront of me. I hugged him and i cried with him and we just hugged each other and cried together with no words. Eventually i asked him he had to say something...he just said im not ready for this...i said and you think i am...and we just cried some more..no words were ever spoken nothing was ever said. We spent the night together...and he told me he understands how i feel...i dont know all this means i hope it means hes gonna be there if i keep the baby. what do you guys think??