Subject:  Re: my decision |
Author:
Melanie
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Date Posted: 07/19/06 12:24am
In reply to:
Jacqueline
's message, "Re: my decision" on 07/18/06 1:15pm
Hi Jacqueline,
I don't know if I would say or do anything to stop you from having an abortion, however, I would not say that I won't try to dissuade you from having one, either. I will not lie to you to stop you from having an abortion, but I will tell you how concerned this makes me for you. I can tell how much you care about Dom, and that is not a bad thing. However, I am wondering how you feel this will affect your relationship to him if you go ahead and have an abortion.
I can't believe that everyone is giving you so much pressure when it isn't really what you want. That isn't very "fair" of them, and I am concerned how this will affect you in the long run. Abortion is so very hard on relationships... not that pregnancy can't be hard as well, but the difference is that if the you have an abortion and things don't work out, you are just left on your own and it may well feel like it was for nothing. I only say that because I've seen it happen so often, and I just so hate to see that happen to you.
The numbness you feel isn't too terribly uncommon.... it is your way of coping right now. The feeling that you need to be minutes away to decide is just your attempt to feel and process your feelings that you can't now because it is so overwhelming. Does that make sense? I hope so. I don't think feeling that you need to be minutes from an abortion before deciding is "sick", but I do think it could be a bit desperate. Anyway, being that near to the event may not have the desired outcome. Instead you are likely to feel more "obligated" to go ahead even if it's really not what you want. IT's easy to get carried along by the events and just get it over with. A lot of women do go ahead, feeling swept by it all rather than being fully convinced. It's not unusual at a regular abortion clinic to be in with other women who are more certain (or seem that way) who are sure you want this and there is almost a "peer" pressure that goes along with it... after all you are all pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. I've seen it. If you aren't sure, going ahead might give you some relief.. for a little while, but there are no guarantees it won't hit you even harder down the road, especially feeling as you do now.
At any rate, no matter what you ultimately do... I won't hate you. I doubt the rest of us will either. There is a big difference between hate and a broken heart.
Please get some support from people who what you to be able to do what you have said you want.
Just wondering, have you asked Dom what he's so afraid of that he would make himself sick over it? What's the very worst thing that could happen to him if you have this baby that he doesn't do to himself? His reaction and how he deals with things are his choice.
Hang in there.
--Melanie
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